Just when you thought it was safe---The Return of The Asha Chornicles

(To see pictures of the kids adventures during this move, I'm posting my pictures on Flickr the pictures will come up on 'thumbnail', click on the word 'details' next to it --by my avatar--and the pictures with descriptions will come up)

The Asha Chronicles Part 15
Birds In Space
Houston, I Think We Have A Problem
By Julie Stilwell and Timothy Graham

The Feathered Friends had been very busy lately helping out their fellow birds as well as their human friends and they felt the need for a vacation. The four had gathered at the home of Asha, a blue-font Amazon, in Byron Georgia. They were sitting out on her screen porch, sun bathing and trying to decide where to go to take some well-deserved time off. As usual, they were having a hard time reaching an agreement.
Asa, a cinnamon pearl split to pied cockatiel, had expressed an interest in doing some mountain climbing. The orange-winged Amazon BabyGirl thought that idea was silly since it involved way too much work. She was more interested in taking a sea cruise. The sky blue budgie Cecil (who had more attitude and personality than his little body could contain) thought that a trip to Europe would be fun. As usual, Asha saw that she, as the most forceful personality of the group, would have to make the final decision.
“Look, I have a good friend named Angel who lives in Florida,” she began. “Why don’t we go down there and take some time on the beach and if we feel like taking off for somewhere else, we can.” Asha, the voice of reason, ended.
That idea met everybirdie’s approval and the Four took flight and headed south for a relatively short trip to the Atlantic coast of Florida where Angel, an African Grey, welcomed the four and put on a nice spread of veggies, fruits, and juice. Angel’s house was near the beach and for couple of days the five spent most of their time lying in the sand and flying out over the surf.
On day three of their Florida vacation Asa suggested that they take a tour of the area. They took to the air and began to slowly fly south to see the sights. After about an hour they spotted a strange sight in the distance.
“What is that thing?” asked BabyGirl. “It looks like a big candle.”
“Well, we’ll never figure it out this far away,” said Cecil. “Let’s get closer.”
The five birds flew closer to the object and noticed that there were a large number of humans gathered around it. They seemed to be working on the object for some unknown reason.
“It sure is tall,” said Angel. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Let’s fly up to the top of it and maybe we can figure it out,” suggested BabyGirl and the rest readily agreed.
Soon they were perched on top of the tall object. From their perch they could see for miles all around. Several humans were working around the only doorway into the object. They soon finished what they were doing and walked away down a walkway to a tall structure that was attached to the object.
“Look, they left that door open,” said Asa. “I bet we could get inside.”
“Do you think that is a good idea?” asked Cecil. “What if those humans come back?”
“Quit being such a worry birdie,” said Asha. “Let’s take a look.”
With curiosity having a death grip upon them, the five flew into the object and found a cramped room filled with computers and chairs. Suddenly they heard a sound outside and noticed that several humans in strange clothing were headed towards the door.
“Quick, find somewhere to hide!” said BabyGirl and they scurried towards a small door that led to what appeared to be a closet. They crammed themselves into the closet and shut the door just as the humans began entering the small cramped room.
“I guess we better just wait here until they decide to leave,” said Angel logically. “They might get mad if they see we have sneaked into whatever this thing is.”
The five settled down and played some word games until they got sleepy. Heads under wings and sitting shoulder to shoulder they settled down and took a nap. They were suddenly jolted awake by the sound of a large explosion and a sudden weight descending upon their feathered chests.
“Darn!” said Asha. “It feels like a human has sat on me! What on Earth is going on?”
None of the others were able to answer as they were too busy trying to breathe. But as suddenly as the invisible weight appeared it went away.
“That feels better.” said Asa. “But what is this?” she shouted as she suddenly began floating towards the top of the closet. “I can fly without flapping my wings! It feels like I have no weight whatsoever!”
The five birds were very confused as they tried to orient themselves.
“I don’t think I like this at all,” said Cecil nervously. “First we weigh too much and now we weigh nothing at all. What the heck have we gotten into here?”
“We better try to find those humans and ask them what is going on,” said Asha, once again being the voice of reason.
The five had a hard time getting the door open while weightless but they finally got it open enough for Cecil to slip through. He scouted out the immediate surroundings and reported back to the rest of his flock still secluded in the closet.
“Three of the humans in those strange outfits are sitting in chairs just in front of us,” he said. “Does anyone want to go and talk to them?”
“I’ll go,” Asa volunteered. She slipped out of the closet and tried waddling to the front of the room. It was difficult to walk under the weightless conditions, but she finally figured out how to move forward without flying off towards the ceiling. She eventually got to the front of the room and began using her beak to pull herself up the leg of the human sitting in the front chair.
“Yes Houston, Shuttle Atlantis is a go for final orbital insertion,” the human said. “What was that last question you asked?”
A voice came from out of the air. “Shuttle Atlantis our instruments show that you are about two pounds overweight. Did one of you bring something on board that was not approved?”
“Negative Houston,” the man in the strange uniform said as Asa finally reached the arm of his chair.
“Excuse me sir, could I please ask you a question?” Asa said in her most polite and lady like tone of voice.
“What the heck was that?” the human asked. “Who said that? You all know better than chattering on the radio while we’re doing an orbital insertion!”
“Sorry to disturb you, but I do have an important question,” Asa said as she tried to get the human’s attention by biting on his arm. The material of his clothing was very tough and she was unable to get a good grip on it.
The human finally saw the strange creature on his chair and shouted “What kind of games are you idiots playing! What is this thing? Some kind of new robot?”
“I assure you I am no robot,” Asa said indignantly. “I am a cockatiel and I want to know where I am and how do I get back to Angel’s house. I am quite hungry and am tired of this lack of weight.”
The human was sputtering and stuttering but seemed unable to make a coherent sound. The two other humans sitting nearby were staring at the small brown bird and seemed equally unable to say anything intelligent. The voice named Houston kept asking what was happening but nobody seemed to be paying it any attention. Meanwhile the other birds had decided to leave the closet and join Asa. Asha tried to fly up to where Asa stood but, due to the lack of gravity, overshot her target and landed on a large group of instruments in front of the human. She latched onto a toggle switch and looked back at the room.
“Who is in charge here? We would like to go back to Angel’s house. Can you help us?” Asha asked, also utilizing her best and most lady like manners and tone of voice.
The human in the front chair had finally regained some semblance of composure and asked in a voice full of shock and disbelief, “Are you birds?”
“That would appear to be obvious,” said Asa. “And I suppose you are humans?”
The human ignored Asa’s attempt at sarcasm, “How in heaven’s name did you get here?”
“Well, why don’t you tell us just what ‘here’ is,” said Asha.
“Commander,” broke in one of the other humans. “Are those birds really talking or is this some kind of trick. Is NASA giving us some kooky test or something?”
“I have no idea Simmons,” said the commander. “Look you bird, or whatever you are. This is the Shuttle Atlantis and we are currently 180 miles above the surface of the Earth. We are in the middle of changing our orbit so that we can do repairs on the Hubble Space Telescope. Now, would you kindly tell us what you are doing here?”
“Well, we were on vacation,” said Asa simply. “We saw this big thing and decided to check it out and then all heck broke loose. What is an orbit?”
“Forget that Asa,” said BabyGirl. “Take a look out that window. I don’t think we are in Florida anymore.”
The five birds turned their heads towards a large window in the front of the room and saw the round globe of the planet Earth off in the distance and floating in a sea of blackness.
“Oh Yeah!” said Asha. “This is way cool! I’ve seen this before. Dad watches this stuff all the time!” She turned towards the commander. “You must be Captain Kirk!”
“Captain Kirk?!” the commander shouted. “I’m not Captain Kirk. I’m Commander Smithson.”
“No, really,” said Asha. “This has to be the Enterprise. I’ve seen it on television all the time. Dad’s crazy about this show. Where’s Spock? I like Spock.”
“Simmons, will you please gather these varmits and stow them away somewhere so I can complete our orbital insertion,” the commander said. “I have no idea how I will explain this to Houston.”
The birds went back to their closet without too much trouble after Simmons promised to bring them so food soon. When he left Cecil asked Asha “What is this Captain Kirk stuff? Do you know this guy?”
“Sure,” said Asha. “Like I said Dad watches this stuff all the time. He’s what they call a Treker. You remember those two firemen back in California? This is all a television show about space ships and Klingons and Vulcans.”
“You mean we really aren’t up in a space ship circling the planet?” asked BabyGirl.
“Heck no,” said Asha positively. “How the heck would five birds get on board a spaceship. Those things are huge. They would never allow us to sneak on board one of those things. They’re just filming a television show and we happened to get caught up in it. No problem. I think we ought to go look around. It might be fun.”
“But what about us being weightless,” said Asa. “How do they do that?”
“They can do anything on television,” said Asha with a grin.
“But that guy told us to stay here,” said Cecil. “He is supposed to bring us some food. I’m hungry.”
“Well, maybe we can find it sooner,” said Asha as she headed for the door. “Let’s go!”
The five turned away from the front of the ship and found a stairway leading down. They hung onto the rail and pulled themselves down the stairs. To the right they saw a room with four more humans sitting in chairs. They went in the other direction and found a small room containing a cage with a small monkey in it.
“Hey, it’s a monkey,” said Asa. “I wonder if he can talk?” The five birds tried to get the monkey to talk but he couldn’t say anything. Eventually they were able to get him to understand hand gestures and discovered that he had been loaded on board just before the ship had taken off and he had no idea why he was there or what was going on. He did make it clear that his name was Astro and that he would like to be let out of his cage and Asa took care of that without too much trouble.
“Any idea if where the food is?” Cecil asked astro. The monkey gestured to follow him and he quickly led them to another small room containing boxes of tubes. He took one of the tubes and removed the cap. He squeezed some paste on his hand and licked it with a big smile on his face. He handed the tube to Cecil who squeezed a small amount on one of his talons and took a bite.
“Yuck!” Cecil said with a grimace. “This is awful! Aren’t there any veggies around here?” The birds tried all of the different varieties of the tubes and found none of them worth eating although Astro was having the time of his life squeezing food all over the floor.
“Hey, do you think we’re on television now?” asked BabyGirl as she made an effort to primp her feathers.
“Don’t worry deary, Ben will not be disappointed,” said Asha.
“Well, I just want to look good,” said BabyGirl with a bit of a pout. “We can’t all be Divas and look good all the time!”
“Look, I don’t like being a complainer but I am really hungry,” said Cecil as his tummy rumbled softly. “Do you think there is any way we can get some good food around here?”
“Well, I’m up for a bit of exploring if you guys are. I’ve never been on a television set before.” said Angel as she headed toward a closed door at the far end of the galley.
The five waddle-glided across the floor to the new and mysterious door, upon reaching it, they discovered it was, of course, locked. With a quick jiggle and tug, the Convicts Chick easily unlocked it. Inside stood fresh veggies of all sorts in large glass containers with funny rubber gloves sticking out into the room.
“Why didn’t they just bring us here in the first place?” asked Cecil in an exasperated tone.
“Maybe humans think tubes of goo are better than fresh veggies?” comment Angel.
“Um, there is something funny about those veggies, Cecil.” the voice of reason, Asha, chimed in.
“I don’t see anything wrong with them?” said Cecil with a beak full of rubber glove.
“Um, hate to agree with Asha here, since my tummy is pretty empty, too, but I think she’s right. There’s something not quite right about those veggies.” said Asa, also chiming in as the voice of reason.
But, it was too late. As soon as the air hit the broccoli sample in the case it exploded into a neon green powder. At the exact same moment, out of apparently nowhere, two very large, very black bunny rabbits hopped into the center of the case as the green dust settled, snow-globe style, around them.
“AHHHHHHH!” shouted Cecil as he jumped back hard and fast enough to bump into the wall on the far side of the lab room.
Just then, sensing the possibility of freedom, the bunnies, who were now more green than black, forced their oversized bodies through the opening Cecil had chewed into the rubber glove. It was then that the real chaos began. Bunny One, who like Bunny Two, was completely covered in broccoli dust, hit the floor, left a large green splat, and bounced nearly 6 feet in the air due to the lack of gravity and almost hit Angel in the process. Bunny Two left an equally impressive green splat on the pristine white floor, but only managed a bounce of 4 feet, nicking the tip of Cecils blue tail and leaving a small green smudge.
“Ewwwwwww!!” grimaced Cecil as he shook the green broccoli dust off his tail feathers.
“We’ve got to catch those Bunnies before Captain Kirk finds out!” shouted Asha a bit louder than necessary.
At that moment Astro entered the little lab room and began dancing and playing with the bunnies. It was a mid air ballet that would have made Borishnikov, Abbot and Costello very proud. As Asha swooped this way with the large beaker, Asa swooped that way with an equally as large beaker. Missing Bunny One and Bunny Two, they bumped into one another, sending each other into mid air gravityless loop-dee-loops. Cecil dove like an Eagle after a morsel of fresh fish, hoping to herd Bunny One into the cabinet Angel had just pulled open. Astro, seeing something shiny inside the cabinet, entered it.
“GOT HIM!!!” shouted Angel as she slammed the cabinet door. Asa, lock master extraordinaire, locked the cabinet tight with Astro safely and very securely ensconced inside.
The ballet continued. Asha crashed into BabyGirl, who then was sent floating helplessly backward and then sideways into Asa, who then bumped into Bunny Two, sending it into the glass medicine style cabinet she’d just picked the lock on as Angel held the door open.
“GOT ANOTHER ONE!!!!” shouted Angel as she slammed the glass door closed and Asa locked the still green broccoli powder coated bunny securely inside.
“One more to go!” said Asha obviously as the five feathered friends all dove simultaneously for Bunny One. Seeing it was out numbered, Bunny One ducked into a bread box style experiment station.
“GOT HIM!!!” shouted Cecil as he, Asa, Asha, BabyGirl and Angel all slammed their nearly weightless bodies into the lid at the same time in order to close Bunny One securely into the box. Asa, for the third time in 6 minutes, securely locked another lock.
“Now what?” said Angel, slightly breathlessly.
“We clean up.” said Asa as she began to upright the few containers they’d tipped over.
“It sure would have helped if we knew where on this ship Scotty was! We sure could have used that teleporter of his to get rid of those bunnies!” said Asha as she found a towel and mopped up a bit of spilt water.
With the room looking as it had when they entered, Cecil asked once again to no bird in particular, “You know, I’m still hungry. As a matter of fact, I’m doubly hungry now!”
“You should have just eaten a tube while you had the chance.” said Asa as she found another towel and tried to mop up some of the mess left behind by Astro.
Asha and BabyGirl sat on the back of a chair while Asa, Cecil and Angel finished cleaning up Astros mess as best as they could.
“So, do you really think Scotty is here somewhere with that teleporter machine?” asked Angel.
“He has to be. He works for Captain Kirk and the Federation.” said Asha.
“Well, let’s go ask the Captain where on this ship he is and maybe Scotty can beam us back to Angels house.” said Asa as the five climbed up the stairs and made their way back to the command deck. There they found an obviously angry Commander Smithson talking to an equally angry human on a television screen.
“You are trying to tell me that five birds have somehow stowed away on a space shuttle?” the face on the screen said with sarcasm dripping from his voice.
“That is exactly what I am saying sir,” said the commander. “What should I do about this?”
Ignoring the commander’s question the human on the screen continued his rant “And not only are they birds they are talking birds who think you are Captain Kirk from Star Trek?”
“That is true, sir,” Smithson said in a quiet voice. “Again, what should I do about this?”
“I would suggest you quit smoking whatever it is you have been smoking and call me back when you sober up,” shouted the human in the screen. “Either that or declare yourself unfit for service and put Simmons on!”
“Simmons, will you please tell the General about the birds,” Smithson said with a sigh as he turned his face from the General on the screen to the astronaut on his right.
“No need to go to the trouble” Asha said as she glided to the front of the cabin. “Hey General, what is the title of this episode and where the heck is Scotty? Maybe he can just beam us back to Angels house with the teleporter. If it’s not too much trouble.” Asha added quickly.
The human in the viewscreen looked at Asha as if she were a snake that had just jumped out of his breakfast cereal. He tried to speak a couple of times but was unable to. He looked offscreen and said “Will the rest of you take a look at this and please tell me I am crazy and the shuttle is not infested with talking birds?”
“What is the big deal?” asked Cecil. “You all act like you’ve never heard of talking parrots before. Where are all the cameras? We want to look good for the close-ups.”
“How in heaven’s name did you all get on my shuttle?” the general shouted.
“We walked in the door,” said Angel. “It wasn’t that hard. Were we not supposed to do that? We’re sorry if we’ve caused a problem.”
“Well, I’m going to cause a problem if I don’t get something good to eat and soon!” said Cecil who could contain himself no longer.
“Commander, would you please remove those creatures from the command deck while I go and talk to the President,” the General said. “And while you are at it, why don’t you find your guests something to eat?”
Commander Smithson herded the birds back down to the galley where they found the cases of empty food tubes exactly where the five had left them and still empty. The Commander made it clear that all the food they had was in those tubes. He made the birds promise not to leave the room until he returned and went back up the ladder to face the wrath of the General.
“This is awful,” said Cecil. “I want to go back to Angel’s where we can get some good food.”
“I agree,” said Angel. “Where is that door we came in through?”
The birds climbed back up the ladder and found the entry door but discovered it was securely locked.
“Well, Convicts Chick, do your magic,” said Cecil with a gentlemanly bow.
Despite her best efforts, Asa was unable to get the door to open. “It looks like we are stuck here,” she finally said slightly breathless. “I guess we’ve got to wait until they finish filming this episode before we can go home.”
“What a vacation!” said Cecil sarcastically as he tossed his head back and flapped his wings ever so slightly.
The five decided to wander onto the command deck yet again and see what was happening with the show. They saw that Commander Smithson was again in a discussion with the General.
“The President has agreed that it would be best for us to keep this bird incident as quiet as possible,” said the General. “Lock those creatures somewhere that they won’t cause any trouble and get on with the mission. That telescope has to be repaired or NASA will be in for a public relations disaster that will probably affect our funding. Do I make myself quite clear?”
“Quite,” the Commander said. “Quite. OK, Simmons you have shown yourself totally unable to control those birds why don’t you give it a try Sanchez. Pack them into a storage chute and lock it tight. I don’t want to see or hear anything from them until we are back at Kennedy.”
The third human on the control deck stood up and made his way towards the birds.
“Do we fight or do we give in?” asked Angel.
“Let’s go along with them for now,” said Asha. “If we have to, Asa can get us out.”
The five birds meekly went along with Sanchez who placed them back into the storage chute they had endured during liftoff. They settled in for a long wait and spent the time playing games and napping. Angel got to know the other birds better and they came to enjoy the company of the Grey. After what seemed like an eternity, Asha suggested that Asa give the door lock a try. It didn’t take the well-named Convicts Chick very long to open the door. The five quietly exited and headed for the command deck to see what was going on. Once again, they found the Commander in a discussion with the General.
“We’ve taken four space walks General and it all comes down to one fact,” the Commander began. “The tool that we needed to fix the telescope was broken by accident. It is required for the very exacting work we have to do to make the repairs and without it we cannot do the job. Nothing else is small enough to get into the guts of the telescope. I’m sorry, but we can’t do a thing.”
“Don’t give up so easily Captain,” said Asha as she rushed to the front of the room. “We can’t let those dirty Klingons win that easily! I’ve got just what you need to do the job.”
“What the heck is that crazy bird talking about?” roared the General.
“I thought I told you to lock them away!’ roared the Commander to Sanchez.
“And I thought you were a hero Captain!” roared Asha three octaves higher than any of the three humans. “I guess I was wrong. Maybe Picard was the better Captain!”
“Wait a second!” shouted Sanchez. “I won’t sit here and let you say Picard was a better Captain than Kirk. That bald idiot was nothing more than a glorified diplomat.”
“Sanchez, have you lost your mind?” shouted the General.
“Wait a second,” said the Commander. “What did you mean when you said you have what we need to do the job?”
“Finally,” said Asha with a deep sigh and pity that humans had a tendency to be so slow at getting the point of things. “My friend Asa here is an expert at manipulating things in close quarters. All you have to do is fix her up a cockatiel-sized space suit, tell her what you need done and she’ll do the job.”
“You aren’t planning on listening to that idiot are you Commander?” asked the General.
“Right now, I’d listen to anybody,” said the Commander. “Sanchez, see about fitting this bird into a space suit and let’s get out there and finish this job.”
After some quick costume work and some instructions from the other astronauts, Asa went on the first-ever parrot space walk. The other birds watched on the monitor screen as she slipped into the innards of the telescope and easily made the necessary repairs.
“You know these new Hi-Def sets make it look almost real,” Asha said with amazement.
“You know what,” said BabyGirl. “I’m beginning to think it is real.”
“Are you trying to tell me you believe that we are really hundreds of miles above the Earth’s surface in a space craft while Asa is walking around in outer space repairing a million dollar telescope?”
“I guess you’re right,” said BabyGirl. “I just hope they tell us when this episode will air on tv.”
“Yeah, I want Mom to make a copy of it,” said Cecil, with a hint of pride in his voice.
The remainder of the mission went pretty smoothly after Asa completed the repairs. The shuttle returned to Earth uneventfully, stopping at the far end of the runway so the birds could be released away from the prying eyes of the press.
“I want to thank you for all you did for NASA and your country,” the President told the five birds after the landing. “I would appreciate it if you kept this entire incident a secret. But if you ever need anything, you can call on us.”
The five slipped out the door and flew back to Angel’s house where they dove into a huge meal of fresh vegetables and fruit. When they were finally finished they gathered in a nearby tree to discuss the previous few days.
“You know, they almost had me believing the whole thing was real,” said Asha. “But I knew it was television when I saw the guy they called the president. I swear he was the guy who played ‘Q’ in the Next Generation.”
“Well, real or not, it was fun!” said Asa.
Yeah, you got to keep that little space suit,” pouted Cecil. “You get all the good toys.”

Have Granola Bar Will Travel

Yesterday was the BIG day. The day the kids cages get scrubbed within an inch of their paint, the toys get cinched down to the bars, perches get anchored so they can't shift, seed catchers get removed, and cages get wheeled out of the room to be covered with tarps which are then secured in place with lots of bungee cords.

The kids? What about the kids! The poor little angels also get packed. But, obviously not in their big cages! They get uncerimoniously stuffed into their travel cages, where they'll live till we get to Washington. They have to make sure they can get around, are eating and drinking so as not to give me grey hair (or more grey hair as the case may be), and feel as comfortable as they can in such a small space.

Each has their own travel cage except Double Trouble. AsaMina and Worthington are sharing air space. They're still processing this concept. AsaMina whacked Worthington with her tail last night and startled him. Both have thier own seperate big cages and this is their first time sharing air space. It's been interesting: "Worthington Israel Wentworth!!!! LEAVE ASAMINA'S TAIL AHH-LONE!!!!" "ASAMINA SURA SARAH!!!! [she knows she's in trouble if 'Sarah', the English translation of her 'Sura', is tacked onto the end of her name] QUIT BREATHING ON YOUR BROTHER!!!!" And, thus far it's been over 24 hours they've been confined together. Hopefully it'll get smoother as they are stuck together till we get to Washington.

What about the granola bar? Well, that's a story and a half......

Four years ago, this June 1, we moved from New Hampshire to Arkansas. AsaMina shared air space with her biological little sister Precious (who we lost to an unbelievably massive egg July 2006) . As they've got now, back then they also had several perches with lots of toys all cinched down with zip ties to keep them from swinging around, and each got a special treat normally reserved for Christmas morning, a Sunseed parrot pine cone. A pine cone stuffed to the gills [I think pine cones have gills, don't they?] with special parrot seed, dried friuts and dried veggies. My kids just LOVE these pine cones and look forward to them every year. They were thrilled to get them for the car ride back in 2004, too.

Well, AsaMina, my 'perfectly normal' Grandbirdie, sat, yes SAT on her pine cone for 3 days and 1500 miles in the back seat of Hubby's bouncy Chevy Blazer. Yeah, everyones bottom but AsaMina's got sore from watching her sit on that pine cone the whole trip! Well, three times I did have to tell AsaMina, who'd finally given her bottom and feet a break and gotten off the pine cone, that it wasn't nice to sit on her little sister. AsaMina had apparently gotten either bored or uncomfortable with the pine cone and opted for a softer place to sit--her little sister. No Precious wasn't obliging, nor happy with her big sisters decision and swore at her, fortunately in cockatiel, not English.

So, here it is, May 11, 2008, and once again AsaMina finds herself packed into her travel cage, her entire room in boxes and elsewhere (their room is nearly empty at this point). She remembers the move from 4 years ago (no question about that), and since she's packed, the room is packed, she was ready to go.....

But Wait!

Where's my pine cone!!!!

...I don't put in the pine cones till just before we leave so they'll last the trip. So, AsaMina, my resident Einstein, opted for the next best thing, a birdie granola bar I'd just put in her and Worthington's cage. She climbed up on it, got comfortable, and glared at me, "Grandma, I'm ready. Let's go!"

And, for those who don't know the story:

Why I'm "Grandma" to AsaMina and "Mom" to the other 4 Muska-Tiels

Back in 2001, the last birthday gift my Grandparents G&G gave me was Rowena Rose, a beautiful month and a half old Lutino tiel. Rowena Rose was paired up with my Buddie Moose and the pair lived happily ever after......sort of. June 18, 2001 I lost April-Moana, R.B. Birds biological sister to age. I gave R.B. Bird a popcicle stick toy to keep him occupied and busy and hopefully not missing his sister too much. Well, Rowena Rose saw this toy from the cage she shared with Buddie next door and Just HAD to have it!!! She was about 8 months old at this point and female tiels don't mature till they're 2 years old [this part will make lots of sense in a moment]. Rowena Rose spent 2 months doing all she could to figure out how to get out of her cage and over to that toy. She had no interest in R.B. Bird and was happily bonded to Buddie. On a cold New Hampshire early November day, Rowena Rose figured it out. She popped the lock on her cage and tentitively, but excitedly let herself out. (I am watching all this oh-so intently, just in case she needed rescuing from herself). Rowena Rose crossed the three inch gap between her cage and R.B. Birds and let herself in, uninvited, into his cage. R.B. Birds door was open as long as I was home because he stayed put if I asked him to. I'm now on the edge of my seat, positive R.B. Bird wouldn't appreciate the Yellow Alien entering his cage. Rowena Rose went right to the irrisistable toy and for the very first time 'assumed the position' beneith it. Now, she was just 10 months old at this point and what she was doing honestly meant nothing more than "Hi, I'm Rowena Rose and I've been dying to meet you!" R.B. Bird, on the other hand, being exactly 10 years and 4 days older than Rowena Rose, knew exactly what she was doing and went after her. [barely on edge of seat now. More in 'mid-leap and rescue' pose] So, Rowena Rose 'got' the toy and R.B. Bird 'got' Rowena Rose. At two months shy of turning 11 years old, R.B. Bird couldn't produce babies. Rowena Rose wasn't old enough to produce babies. Thanksgiving day we had egg! Then, every other day till there was six of them! Well, no way are any of these gonna hatch, she's not old enough and he's too old....

Miracles do happen! Three days past her due date, on the third day of Hanukkah December 13, 2001 at precisely 5:43am AsaMina Sura popped out of her shell and goosed Rowena Rose in the bottom causing her to leap a good 60 feet in the air inside the tiny nest box. She didn't think the egg would hatch either.

Precious was egg number four. The rest of the eggs were sterile.

So, my Grandbirdies are the result of a jail break. Momma Bird, Rowena Rose, in an unrelated incident, was nicknamed Jail Bird due to her weird habit of running her beak back and forth across her cage bars like the prisoners do in the old movies with tin cups. A friend of mine, knowing AsaMina's story of being, nicknamed her The Convicts Chick. I think that makes me The Bird Lady of Arkansas....er....'Alcatraz'?

The Asha Chronicles Part 10

Ah, Episode 10! No need for seat belts in this episode, but I do highly recommend a bikini, sun block and a flame resistant beach towel.

This episode of the Asha Chronicles pays a bit of tribute to the heros of the California Wildfires of 2007. Ok, birds really didn't save the day, but there were plenty of angels during the fire that did have invisible wings. My bestfriend Tina, her budgie Huey Lewis (pictured and yes, the love of my Cleo's life), dog Camry (she's either a small sporty model or she was concieved in the back seat of one....), and cat Cricket (aka Franken-Kitty) had the San Diego fire come within 6 miles of their home. They were forced to evacuate and were one of the lucky ones. They got to go home again.

Of course the following story has a bit of 'literary license', but what else would you expect?

Got your sunblock, bikini and flame resistant towel ready? Good, read away and enjoy!

The Asha Chronicles
Part 10
Flame and Glory

by Julie and Tim
February 23, 2008

Huey Lewis, a handsome turquoise budgie had his face happily buried in a small ‘Huey sized’ dish of Beak Appetite when something caught his attention. His Mom who was sitting and knitting was startled when Huey took off out of his condo and buzzed the top of her head on his way to the flower pot in the window that faced the backyard.
“Huey! A little more altitude next time, please?” Tina said, slightly exasperated at the fact Huey’s ‘lack of altitude’ caused her to drop three stitches.
“Sorry Mommy.” Huey said in English, clear as a bell. Huey, like Cecil, had mastered English and spoke it clearly in front of his human.
Huey landed oh-so precariously on the blossom of a purple petunia and stared intently out the window and off into the distance. He wasn’t sure what he saw, but he knew he saw something. He continued to watch for another moment, the purple petunia bending slightly under his 36 grams of body weight. ‘Was that smoke?’ Huey asked himself. ‘It is smoke. There’s a fire somewhere, I just know it! I need to tell Mom!’ Huey further debated and reasoned.
Huey flew back over to his Mom and landed on her right hand as she continued to knit. “Well, I guess this is better than being buzzed, but it’s not the easiest way to finish this sweater Huey.” She said to him as she got to a stopping point and put her knitting down. “Now what is it Huey?”
Huey knew the English word for ‘fire’, he knew what it was, too, but he also knew it’d be too much of a surprise to his Mom if he just spoke a fluid sentence of ‘Mom there is a fire in the canyon and it’s headed our way, we need to evacuate.’ So, instead Huey took flight again and landed on the top of Camry, big brother dogs head and said several things in budgie to her. Camry, apparently understanding every word, got up and walked over to the window Huey had just vacated, put her paws up on the sill and began barking like crazy.
Tina was first off startled by the fact Huey had actually landed on Camry and then even more startled at Huey riding on Camry across the room to the window, just sat and watched the pair for a moment. She knew Camry wouldn’t hurt Huey, but she watch warily, ready to jump up at a moments notice to rescue him.
While Camry continued to bark at the barely visible smoke plume off in the distance, Huey turned to his Mom and began saying, “Come here you. Come here you. Come here you.”
“What on earth do you see out there?” Tina asked as she got up to see what the commotion was all about. Tina stared out the window as Huey moved from Camry’s head to Tina’s shoulder and began yelling in budgie in her ear. “What?” asked Tina to her Huey.
“Go for a walk.” Huey said clearly in English for the very first time, causing Tina to turn to try and stare at him.
Huey once again resorted to screaming in budgie while Camry’s barking also got louder.
“What on earth…..” Tina began, her voice slowly trailing off as she finally saw what Huey saw, the plume of smoke, which was growing larger and darker by the second. “Oh, my!” was all Tina was able to exclaim while she grabbed Huey from off her shoulder and carried him to his Fort travel cage and popped him rather unceremoniously in and locked the door. Huey, for once, didn’t put up the usual fight. He knew something wasn’t right. He was sure Fire was headed their way.
As Tina quickly grabbed her important stuff, Huey’s important stuff, Camry and Crickets important stuff and stuffed them into her RAV4, Huey closed his eyes and went into a deep meditative state. He and Cleo, Asa’s older sister, had a way of communicating that baffled both Moms, but apparently the pair really did communicate via this deep focus and concentration, so called BSP, for lack of a better term by Tina and Asa’s Granny, Julie.
Meanwhile, in Springdale Arkansas, Cleo sensing Huey’s presence and receiving his message of their plight loud and clear, began shrieking her siren noise at the top of her extremely powerful lungs.
Asa got her big sisters message loud and clear and immediately popped the lock on her cage and went to go start up her Granny’s computer. Her Granny and Grandpa, fortunately, had taken Tyson Parker and Edgar Allan to Tulsa to the avian vet for their yearly physical. Asa, Worthington, and Cleo had gone for their physicals last week. Her Granny wouldn’t be back for 5 hours, since Tulsa was a good 2 hour ride away.
While the computer warmed up and Bird Channel came into view on the screen, Asa quickly popped the locks on both Worthington and Cleo’s cages. “If Huey is right about the fire…”
“…And you know he is.” interrupted Cleo.
“Of course he is. I wasn’t implying anything, just explaining.” Asa snipped back at her sister before continuing, “ As I was saying, we’re going to need the Feathered Four and probably all of their fiblings who are willing to help us with this one. I’ll message both BC and Flocktalk…oh, and Granny has another site, Tailfeathersnetwork.com that she has book marked for bird information. There are a lot of others on there, too.”
“Why do we need to contact so many?” Asked little Worthington. He was the baby of Asa’s flock at just 1 year old. This was also the first time he’d even been asked to join in one of his sister Asa’s adventures.
“Because it’s a fire and fire is a really scary thing. It eats everything in its path and nothing ever survives. There are going to be animals that need help getting away from Fire and humans as well. There is only four of us in the Feathered Four and we can’t be everywhere at once. We are going to need EVERYBIRDIE” Asa ended with emphasis on the word ‘everybirdie’ as her talons flew over her Granny’s computer key board. She left message after message on as many BC pages as she could before sending one seriously odd message via Flocktalk, ‘toast your feathers in sunny California, we need everybirdie now.’ She knew it’d make sense to Maude, head of the Bird Underground, but since there were humans reading, sending and receiving messages on Flocktalk, she had to remain as mysterious as possible. Then off to Tailfeathersnetwork.com to leave a human thing called a thread and post with the same mysterious message as she’d left on Flocktalk. Her Granny had told her that Tailfeathers was a rather cliquish, but she figured if someone could get past she and her Granny weren’t part of the ‘in crowd’ and join in and help, it was worth all the effort it took her to make the computer keys work on their own. Especially since her Granny’s space bar stuck and would leave paragraphs of space before inserting the next word if she didn’t yank up on it with her beak now and then.
“Ok, everyone is messaged and alerted.” Asa concluded as she shut her Granny’s computer down and turned to Cleo before saying, “Did you try to reach my Daddy?”
“I said a prayer the best I could. I do hope he heard me.” Cleo answered as the three fiblings left Springdale for California.

---------------

Out in California the freeways were jammed with residence trying to escape north; just to find out their only escape was west, to the Pacific Ocean. The small plume of smoke had grown into billowing putrid black clouds that rained hot embers down on all it could. The ravenous appetite of the fire grew as it consumed more property, wilderness and lives, both human and animal.
Huey and his family, thanks to Huey’s early warning, had managed to take the freeway north to Julie’s Uncles house in San Pedro long before the evacuation of the San Diego area went into effect. Tina knew San Pedro was well out of any normal burn paths the yearly fires took and that she, Camry, Cricket and Huey would be warmly welcomed. Once there, Huey’s travel condo was placed on the back sun porch with Jason a 40 year old cherry headed conure, and Icarus a 50 year old lilac crowned Amazon. The birds had met once before and were friendly with one another. Huey still just wasn’t sure what to think of their large beaks, but he knew the two seniors were too old to do much more than sit and tell stories about their younger days.
“I need to get out there and try and save my Grandma’s house!” said Huey to the Old Timers.
“We’ll cover for you youngun. No worries, the humans will be way to busy with the TV and human news to pay any attention to us as long as we’re quiet. Go save your home, Huey.” Said Icarus to his little turquoise friend as Huey popped the lock on his travel cage (a trick taught to him by Asa herself. Huey was a very fast learner) and flew out the open window and headed toward home.
The flames leapt and stretched themselves skyward over the dry San Diego canyon they were currently having for an afternoon snack, as if the sun itself was also on its menu. The air was densely thick with smoke and every firefighter and police officer within a 200 mile radius had been called in to help evacuate the humans too stubborn to leave their homes, mostly due to the fact the evacuation shelters didn’t allow pets.
As the police and firefighters both battled the flames on the ground, desperately trying to get to the last few obstinate humans who were still alive, the Feathered Four, Huey, Cleo and Worthington set to work from the air. Their first mission was to guide the terrified, confused and unwillingly abandoned animals to safety.
“Baby Asa, there is an old human school building with a bomb shelter in its basement. Lead who will follow there and they’ll be safe. Rosalie and I will talk to those too scared to move. For some, it’s their time, for others it’s not. She and I will do as we can.”
Asa, Asha, BabyGirl, Worthington and Cecil were startled for a moment at the speech coming from a Yucca plant just to their left.
“I’m glad you got Cleo’s message and mine.” said Huey, who like R.B. Bird and Rosalie, was a special being sent to earth to watch over the humans they’d been assigned to by the Great One. Huey had also messaged R.B. Bird and Rosalie for their help in saving his Grandma’s home, the home is Mom loved and had grown up in, during the long ride to San Pedro.
“Daddy?” asked Asa, knowing full well only one ever called her ‘Baby Asa’, and that was her Daddy, “I’m so glad it’s you and you’re here with us.” Asa paused to look around for a moment before adding, “Where’s Rosalie?”
“She’s inside talking to Bootsie and Muffy, the Siamese cats under the childs bed. They’re too scared to leave what they think is safety.
“Only problem with rescuing cats is they look at you like you’re they’re lunch! We’re alive and breathing, not spirits like you, how are we to get those ‘beasties’ into the shelter?” asked Asha logically.
“Rosalie and I will lead the cats, you seven go head east to the clearing. There is a team of firefighters there and I think they’re going to be in trouble soon. We’ll catch up in a minute.” R.B. Bird concluded as Rosalie appeared with Bootsie and Muffy from around the left side of the house.
Fire was approaching fast, the Seven feathered rescuers could feel the heat of its breath breathing deeply in their faces and R.B. Bird and Rosalie led the cats to safety.
“Cleo, you, Huey and Worthington head north east, but stick close together. Help the other wildlife up there. I think I heard a raccoon family crying in the distance.” instructed BabyGirl.
Team Huey followed BabyGirl’s instructions without argument. It was getting way too hot in their present location to remain put and discuss matters further. The Feathered Four headed east to where the firefighters were battling the heart of the fire.
For what had to be hours, the Chelmsford Group, the Oklahoma Gang, Eva’s Flockily, Knuckles family, and about a dozen other flocks of BC and Flocktalk Birds, proudly spoke fluent clear English to the weary smoke filled firefighters and policemen, guiding them free of the ambush Fire kept trying to set up. Not one life was lost due to the efforts of the BC and Flocktalk birds.
Those wearied by the fire flew to Vegas to Dolly’s house, one of the many humans in the Bird Underground who knew the birds secrets and guarded them closely, where Dolly would feed them nutrition and energy packed bird goodies and, of course, offer those interested, a plate of her famous tomato gravy and noodles. They were allowed to rest up, too before heading back to the San Diego fire.
After a break and an almost too large a plate of Dolly’s tomato gravy and noodles, the Feathered Four found themselves flying a bit too close to the heart of the beast Fire. They were led there by Rosalie, who’d told them of two firefighters who were trapped by Fire and were nearing death.
As the Feathered Four grew closer they thought they could hear Fire laugh in triumph of yet another kill. Fire, in too soon of a celebration, as the firefighters at this point were still very much alive, shot its flames up a good 100 feet in the air and belched out a deep thicker than pea soup cloud of acrid black smoke. The Feathered Four lost their way. The smoke was too thick for them to see. Cecil coughed as he tried to take in a breath, but got nothing but dense smoke instead.
“What now?” asked Asha as she bumped into a tree branch and for her safety, alighted there.
“Not sure.” said BabyGirl as she perched next to Asha.
“My Daddy will find us and so will Rosalie. We’ll be fine.” Asa said hopefully as she, too sat down on the branch to wait.
Then, as if someone had turned off the smoke machine, the air cleared as Rosalie appeared in her normal spirit form before them. “This way, the firefighters are over here.” she said simply and her translucent form turned and let the Feathered Four through the now miraculously clear air, dense, all consuming black smoke still everywhere but the bubble of ‘clear’ that Rosalie had created for them.
Upon reaching a small area barren of anything but the two smoke encrusted men in firefighting gear, Rosalie approached them and spoke clearly to them in English, “Please, I know this is unusual for you Humans to see me and hear me, but please follow my flockily to safety.” Rosalie pleaded as The Feathered Four caught up to her.
“Hi, I’m Cecil, the King of All Budgies.” Cecil politely introduced.
“Cecil!” scolded Asha, “All that matters is that they listen to us and follow us and Rosalie out of here!”
“Yes, please get up if you can and follow us and we’ll lead you out of here.” Asa reaffirmed.
“Clyde, do you hear what I hear or have I eaten too much smoke?” Said the bigger of the two firefighters to the smaller.
“If you mean that there are four live parrots in front of us talking and a ghost bird, also talking, telling us to follow them out of here to safety. Yeah, Mark, I hear them, too.”
“You know, this reminds me of that Star Trek episode…um…The Tholian Web, I believe it was called, where they thought Kirk was dead but his ghost kept popping up but it turned out he was really alive.” said Mark.
“Yeah, me too. In that episode they strapped Uhuru down in the sickbay when she saw Kirk. They thought she was crazy and that’s exactly what they’ll say about us, too. Birds talking, ghost bird talking. I think I’d strap us down right now if I was sure this was all really happening.” said Clyde.
“But, we’re both seeing all this, so does that make us both crazy?”asked Mark.
“Well, which is crazier, seeing a Dead Captain Kirk or a ghostly bird and her flock?” Clyde asked Mark right back.
“I don’t know, Clyde. Kirk was just a television character but talking birds are really weird. I’d say we’re more likely to see Kirk.” Mark reasoned back.
“Do firefighter humans always act so weird?” Asked BabyGirl to the rest of the Feathered Four. “You’d think they’d just want to get out of here and would just simply get up and follow us!”
Clyde and Mark continued their debate, completely ignoring BabyGirls comment.
“Too bad Spock isn’t here to tell us what the logical thing to do would be.” Clyde added as he looked from Marks smoke caked face to the four live bird and one ghost bird perched on a small bush directly in front of them. Fire trying, without success to penetrate the bubble of clear clean air that Rosalie’s spirit had created around them.
“We don’t need Spock to deal with talking birds, we need Dr. McCoy and a good shot of burbon.” Mark added with a faint smile, his white teeth peeking out from in between black soot covered lips.
“You know, you two can continue this debate from now until the cows come home, or you can just get up and follow us.” Asha interrupted, fed up and tired of the conversation and beginning to feel the heat of Fire as Rosalie’s strength began to slowly fade. “Now, get up off your tail feathers and MOVE IT or I’ll be forced to Ninja me some firefighters into next week!” Asha ended a bit louder and a bit angrier than necessary.
“Rosalie can’t hold this bubble of clean air for long. She doesn’t have a lot of strength back her over the Rainbow Bridge. For all our safety, please just come with us.” Asa prodded.
“Follow me! The King Budgie of the Great Budgie Divide!” Cecil chimed in in his most macho tone as he took flight and led the way out of the heart of Fire.
Once out of the heart of Fire and into the safety of one of the evacuation centers set up especially for firefighters the Feathered Four caught their breaths on a branch of a dogwood tree just outside. They’d only perched for about 2 minutes when Huey, Cleo and Worthington flew up to them in a total panic.
“MY HOUSE!!” Huey cried, “THE FIRE IS ALMOST UP TO MY BACK FENCE!!! WE’VE GOTTA SAVE MY HOUSE!!” the little turquoise budgie cried.
“Asa, we don’t know what to do.” Cleo explained in a tone not much calmer than her bonded forever mate, Huey’s.
“Let’s go!” said Asha as she took off for Huey’s home.
Once there, the Feathered Four, Huey, Cleo and Worthington were greeted by the second spirit bird from over the Rainbow Bridge, Asa’s father, R.B. Bird. His ghost like form was perched in stately form on Huey’s back yard fence. As the seven parrots approached they could hear R.B. Bird actually talking to Fire.
“This is my family you’re threatening. It was my daughter, my only surviving daughter, you tried to take the life of back in the canyon. Those are her special friends you singed the feathers of. And, nobody, but nobody messes with my family, you got that Fire?” R.B. Bird said in his most and very intimidating tone.
Fire’s spirit flickered for a moment, unsure of what to think. It’d never been spoken to like that before and especially not by a silly bird. But, something told Fire spirit that this particular bird was not one to mess with. Fire spirit had, for the first time in it’s current life, a life given to it by an 8 year old arsonist who just wanted to see the pretty posy burn, felt a twinge of fear.
That twinge of fear Fire spirit felt was very real. R.B. Bird, when he was alive, was willing to give his life without question for his human and his flock. Being spirit himself hadn’t lessoned his desire to protect. R.B. Bird knew if he could once again give his life to save Huey’s home, he would. He had no life left to give, so he called down his elder sister, Moana, also a resident of the Rainbow Bridge, and Rosalie. With the three spirit birds on Huey’s back yard fence and Fire spirit directly in front of them, daring them to even try to stop it, they began to flap their wings as hard as they could.
Asa, being very much her Daddy’s little girl, understood exactly what her father had in mind and flew up to the fence and began flapping too. Fire spirit millimeters from her breast feathers and millimeters from taking her life.
Undaunted, but totally terrified at the same time, Asa called to Asha, BabyGirl and Cecil, “Come on! It’s going to take all of us to save this house!”
“Bonzai!!!!” Yelled Cecil as he, too threw caution to the wind and landed on the fence and began flapping.
BabyGirl sensed Asha’s fear and said to her as comforting as she could, “You’ve just stared death in the face twice and survived. What’s once more?”
With a deep sigh, Asha and BabyGirl joined the others on the fence and began flapping as hard as they could. Fire spirit refusing to give up and continuing to lick their breast feathers in an attempt to send the heroes over the Rainbow Bridge.
“You’re not taking my Mom and Grandma’s house!” yelled Huey and Cleo at the exact same time as they and Worthington also alighted on the fence and began flapping.
Undaunted, Fire spirit continued to fight.
A moment later a thunderous flapping of wings could be heard as the Chelmsford Gang, Eva’s Flockily, Stubby, Asha’s fiancé and his flock as well as several other flockilies of parrots all joined them on the fence, flapping as hard as they could. Fire spirit couldn’t hold on. Slowly but surely Fire began to back away from Huey’s home. As the massive flock of parrots continued flapping with all their might, Fire spirit began to grow smaller. Then, just when the massive flock began to feel fatigued from all the flapping, the Fire spirit gave up the ghost and extinguished itself. Nothing was left but a small puddle of smoldering embers. The San Diego Canyon fire was out.
The army of parrots soon scattered. Some returned to their homes while others went back to the fire lines to make certain that all abandoned animals had been rescued. After a while the only parrots left were Huey and the Feathered Friends.
“Thank you for saving my home,” Huey said. “It was a wonderful thing you did. How can I possibly repay you?”
“Well, that is kind of the same question we have too,” came a human voice from around the corner of the house as Mark and Clyde walked up to the seven birds.
“You saved our lives,” said Clyde. “Everyone else had abandoned us yet you birds risked your lives to save us. Why did you all do that?”
The birds looked at each other, none of them really having an answer to the human’s question until Asa cleared her throat. “My Daddy always told me that, deep down, the only difference in all of us is that some have feathers and others have skin,” Asa said. “As for what you can do to repay us, just remember that one fact. All life is sacred.”
Clyde and Mark shook their heads in agreement and turned to leave. As they walked away Mark grabbed Clyde’s shoulder and asked: “Didn’t Kirk say something like that in one of those second season episodes?”
“No, you idiot,” scoffed Clyde. “It was Spock and it was in the third season.”
Asha shook her head as the two walked away. “Well, as those humans would say, it is time for us to boldly go where no parrot has ever gown before,” she said with a grin.
“To heck with that,” said Cecil. “I’m going home and I sincerely hope it is very cold there. I’ve been too warm for too long. Anyway, scorched feathers stink.”
The Four with Cleo and Worthington took off for their respective homes as Huey surveyed his home with a smile. It had survived Fire. Huey flew over the now no longer smoldering embers of Fire, just to make sure it was really gone before taking off for San Pedro to get his Mom, Camry and even Cricket and tell them it was time to go home.