“Well, I know that my Mom says if one is ‘idle’, like in the first line of that note, one is lazy. Maybe we should look for something lazy?” BabyGirl offered.
“Well, what about that building over there?” Asha asked, trying to add in her two cents worth, as she looked toward an old wooden shack that was leaning slightly to the right.
“We can check it out.” Asa and Cecil said in chorus as the mismatched flock took flight and headed for the rickety looking building. As they landed upon its roof, the building groaned slightly under their weight.
“Careful, this place seems even more dangerous than my Grandma’s craft closet.” Asa whispered.
“Shhhh! Listen!” Cecil said in a melodious but hoarse whisper.
The foursome listened intently to a faint scraping noise coming from somewhere below them.
“Humans.” Asha said in a barely audible whisper.
“Doing what?” BabyGirl asked, also in a barely audible whisper.
“Can’t tell.” Said Cecil as he tilted his head to one side, hoping to hear the sound a bit clearer.
“Let’s check it out.” Asha and Asa said bravely together.
“Asha-Asa…” BabyGirl began.
“Gesundheit.” Cecil said politely.
“…are you two crazy?! That noise could be anything! And probably an anything that will eat us!” BabyGirl continued over Cecil’s remark, her natural and wild bird instinct kicking in on turbo for just a brief moment.
“What’s to be afraid of? I’ll go in first and check it out. They won’t see me in the dark or even in shadow. My brown feathers blend in really well.” Asa said as she made her way down the left side of the rickety building and into an open window on the side of the shack.
The two Amazons and one Budgie waited impatiently for what felt like hours. They were all about to agree that Asa was no longer alive when she emerged, slightly out of breath, from the window she’d entered just fifteen minutes earlier.
“Are you ready for this?” she panted
“Where were you?! Are you ok?! What’s going on in there?!” Cecil asked before the Amazon duo could open their beaks.
“They are trying to poison the humans!” Asa began, “There are three big human men in the basement of this shack and they are using needles to put poison called arsenic into a lot of peaches!” Asa paused for a breath.
“What’s arsenic? And what are needles? And how do you know all of this?” Asha asked almost way too fast to be understood.
Grandma and I watch Arsenic and Old Lace a lot. It’s a really cool movie, although I don’t see the fascination with the human called Cary Grant. Doesn’t look like he could deal with bird poop very well…anyway, in the movie these old ladies kill people by putting arsenic in stuff called elderberry wine. And, the needles are something my Grandpa has to use for his diabetes.” Asa explained.
“Ninja the bad guys?” Asha asked hopefully.
“Yeah, you and BabyGirl go down there and stop them and Cecil and I will go into the Byron Depot and call the police…”
Oh, sure!” said BabyGirl incredulously, “You two call the cops? How?!”
“I know how to push phone buttons down and all you gotta do is push the 9 button down and then push the 1 button twice. I saw it on the Danger Rangers on PBS. And, Cecil speaks fluent human and can get the police to come running here fast.”
“Yeah, I see that open window too, Asa.” Cecil commented as he looked toward the Byron Depot building, then added, “Asha, you and BabyGirl go ninja the bad guys. We’ll be right back.” He concluded as he and Asa wasted no more time on explanations as they took off for the main depot building.
With Asha leading the way and BabyGirl close behind her, the pair climbed down the left hand side of the building and into the same open window they’d seen Asa do not 20 minutes before. Once inside the orange wing Amazon nudged the blue fronted Amazon as she lifted her left foot in an attempt to point her best friend toward the hole in the shacks rickety old wooden floor boards.
“I’ll bet that’s where Asa found the bad guys.” BabyGirl whispered.
“Yeah, I see her talon prints in the dust over there.” Asha whispered back as she tilted her head in the direction of the talon prints Asa had left earlier under a chair that was precariously balanced on its remaining three legs.
BabyGirl took a deep breath in preparation to say something, but got a beak full of dust particles instead and began to sneeze.
“What was that?” The Amazons heard emanate from just below the rickety and rotted old wooden floor boards and apparently from one of the three bad guys Asa had told them about.
“Mice.” came the response from Bad Guy Number Two
“More like big disease infested rats.” chuckled Bad Guy Number Three, “Hey Dweeble Head, pass me ‘nother one dem viles of arsenic before I poundya.” Bad Guy Number Three ended, still chuckling under his breath at the thought of a giant monster diseased rat lurking just above them.
“Well, I’m just going to have to double diva ninja that bad guy! Can you believe he called us ‘rats’?” Asha whispered to BabyGirl.
“’Diseased monster rats’ to be exact.” BabyGirl correct Asha, “you are welcome to Rat Guy, I’ll work on Dweeble Head and the other one since any human called ‘Dweeble Head’ can’t be too tough.” BabyGirl reasoned as she sneezed again, before adding, “The humans who own this place obviously are owned by a dog! Only a dog could live in filth like this. A human owned by a bird would never have allowed this place to have gotten to this condition.”
“Amen, Sister!” Asha sneezed.
“The Amazon duo stealthily crept across the dusty rickety floor boards to the basement opening. With Asha still leading the way, the Amazons crept with all the grace of a pair of prima ballerinas and the stealth of Bruce Lee down the first three ladder rungs from the main floor into the basement. They stood there for a moment as they silently pondered their next move.
The three bad guys were standing around an old Formica table that was colored in shades of faded mauves and greens, injecting peach after peach from the crate closest to where the Amazons sat silently on the third ladder rung to the nearly full crate on the other side of the table with both a powdered arsenic and a liquid arsenic poison. Without stopping to confer neither with her best friend and partner, nor with a moments thought of her own safety, Asha, in total Jackie Chan style, leapt and flapped wildly into action.
“ Kowabunga! The mighty Diva Ninja has come to foil your evil plot, demolish your evil deeds, and send you to the pokey!!!” Asha shrieked at the three startled humans as she flew wildly around their heads, hitting them in the faces with her wings in the process.
“AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!” screamed Dweeble Head at the top of his lungs as he covered his face from Asha’s wing assault.
“Not ‘rats’! BATS!!! Big hideous GREEN ones, too!!!” shrieked Rat Guy as he ran for the ladder and what he thought was safety. He didn’t see BabyGirl still sitting oh-so calmly on the third ladder rung.
“Oh no you don’t, Rat Guy.” BabyGirl said in a sticky sweet girlie tone as she leaned slightly forward and bit Rat Guy as hard as she could on his nose.
Rat Guy recoiled away from BabyGirl in excruciating pain, then promptly passed out cold at the sight of his own blood.
“One down, two to go.” BabyGirl said casually as she hopped daintily off the ladder and onto Rat Guys unconscious body. She sauntered up his torso and over to his right hand, biting his index finger as hard as she could for good measure. “Yup, he’s out.” she added triumphantly as she flapped her wings and became air borne.
“The little one stuck himself with one of those needles and doesn’t have much fight left, but Dweeble Head here is refusing to go down!” Asha screeched over Dweeble Heads panicked cries.
“We’re here! Let me at-tum!!” Cecil said as he soared majestically through the opening in the shack floor and into the basement.
“Coming through!” Asa screeched as the buzzed through the center of one of Asha’s mid air loop-tee-loops.
“Help me get Dweeble Head!” Asha called out to no bird in particular.
“The Great Cecinator of the Great Budgie Divide will eradicate the human Dweeble Head menace!” Cecil crooned as Bad Guy Number One dropped dead of arsenic poisoning in the pile of tainted peaches.
Cecil, with Asa on his left and Asha on his right circled in unison around the room and, as the threesome passed over Dweeble Heads head, Dweeble Head looked up just in time to be nailed right in the face with Cecil’s, Asa’s, and Asha’s ‘processed leftovers’.
“Oh…ewwwwwww!!” Dweeble Head exclaimed as he passed out cold.
“HAH! Works every time!!” Asa beeped victoriously.
“Humans are such babies!!” Asha warbled jubilantly.
“I’ll be bach you puny human!” Cecil exclaimed in the most macho tone of warble he could muster.
As the three feathered dive bombers landed gracefully on the back of one of the five wooden chairs scattered about the small room, BabyGirl waddled proudly over to Dweeble Head and just for good measure, bit him as hard as she could on his nose.
“There, they all match.” BabyGirl said as she joined her fellow crime fighters on the chair.
“We’d better fly. I think that’s a siren I hear.” Asa said.
“Are you sure? Don’t we need to make sure these guys don’t wake up or something?” BabyGirl asked.
“Well, that’s not my sister Cleo I hear. She’s too busy with Huey to follow me here and I doubt if these guys will go anywhere. They’re out snow cold.” Asa answered.
“They won’t wake up if they know what’s good for them!” Cecil said smugly.
“Let’s fly.” Asha said as she flapped and became airborne. “That is a siren and we don’t want to get caught here with these evil humans.”
The four feathered crime fighters flew out of the basement of the rickety shack and then out the open window and up onto the shacks roof to catch their breaths and to make sure the bad guys didn’t try to get away before the police arrived and could arrest them.
“Here they are.” BabyGirl stated when she saw the six police cruisers pull up to the shack.
“What on earth did you tell the police, Cecil?” Asha asked as she preened her ruffled feathers.
Asa giggled as Cecil repeated for Asha and BabyGirl what he’d told the police, “I told them Cynthia and Jack were lovers, but Cynthia’s husband Damon found them getting jiggy in the basement of the shack behind the Byron Depot and lost it and shot them then seriously wounded himself.” Cecil paused as they all heard at least three of the police officers exclaim, ‘What on earth happened here?!!?’ before adding, “My Mom leaves the soap operas on for me and Irwin sometimes.”
“Where on earth did all these green feathers come from?” one of the officers asked another.
“There are blue, brown, and a few orange feathers, too.” the other officer added.
“We’d better fly guys. They’ve got everything under control here.” Asha stated.
The mismatched flock took off from the shack roof and headed for Asha’s home. Upon arriving safely on the still open windows windowsill Asha noted the football game was nearing the end of the fourth quarter, Dads team was still losing, and Dad was still sound asleep on the sofa and snoring softly.
“Asa, can you lock me back in and fix this screen so my dad doesn’t get mad?”
“Sure, no problem.” Asa said as she entered Asha’s home, locked Asha back into her cage and then let herself out, closing the window screen behind her.
“Does anyone know what the first part of that note meant?” BabyGirl asked no one in particular.
“No.” Cecil twittered.
“Not a clue.” Asa beeped.
“Does it matter?” Yawned Asha.
“Nope. The bad guys have been terminated by the King Budgerator of the Great Budgie Divide…and company…so nope, doesn’t matter.” Cecil yawned.
“Better fly before we wake up Asha’s Dad and we’re missed back home.” Asa said as she helped Cecil with a couple of hard to reach feathers on the top of his head.
“See you on BC, Asha.” BabyGirl said as she flapped her wings, became airborne, and headed for home.
“I’ll message you that I got home to Arkansas safely, kay?” Asa said as she too became airborne and headed for home.
“See you in the BC pages Asha!” Cecil called back as he too headed for his home in New York.
Asha preened her feathers for a good five minutes, making herself once again look like her perfect diva self before tucking her head under her wing and settling down for a much needed nap.
“Asha Princess….” Asha’s Dad cooed sweetly at his sleeping angel.
Asha sleepily opened her eyes, blinked several times and yawned.
“I made you your favorite, fresh fruit salad with walnuts.” Dad cooed as he opened Asha’s cage and placed the dish on the bottom.
Asha yawned again and murmured a sweet thank you to her Dad in Amazon, but was still too tired from her adventure that afternoon to move.
“You are such a lazy bird.” Asha’s Dad said as he shook his head and closed her cage door.
‘Yeah, very lazy bird.’ Asha thought to herself. ‘I just saved the whole human race from poisoned peaches while you slept on the sofa. Yeah, I’m a very lazy bird.’ Asha yawned, tucked her head back under her wing, and fell sound asleep.