Just when you thought it was safe---The Return of The Asha Chornicles

(To see pictures of the kids adventures during this move, I'm posting my pictures on Flickr the pictures will come up on 'thumbnail', click on the word 'details' next to it --by my avatar--and the pictures with descriptions will come up)

The Asha Chronicles Part 15
Birds In Space
Houston, I Think We Have A Problem
By Julie Stilwell and Timothy Graham

The Feathered Friends had been very busy lately helping out their fellow birds as well as their human friends and they felt the need for a vacation. The four had gathered at the home of Asha, a blue-font Amazon, in Byron Georgia. They were sitting out on her screen porch, sun bathing and trying to decide where to go to take some well-deserved time off. As usual, they were having a hard time reaching an agreement.
Asa, a cinnamon pearl split to pied cockatiel, had expressed an interest in doing some mountain climbing. The orange-winged Amazon BabyGirl thought that idea was silly since it involved way too much work. She was more interested in taking a sea cruise. The sky blue budgie Cecil (who had more attitude and personality than his little body could contain) thought that a trip to Europe would be fun. As usual, Asha saw that she, as the most forceful personality of the group, would have to make the final decision.
“Look, I have a good friend named Angel who lives in Florida,” she began. “Why don’t we go down there and take some time on the beach and if we feel like taking off for somewhere else, we can.” Asha, the voice of reason, ended.
That idea met everybirdie’s approval and the Four took flight and headed south for a relatively short trip to the Atlantic coast of Florida where Angel, an African Grey, welcomed the four and put on a nice spread of veggies, fruits, and juice. Angel’s house was near the beach and for couple of days the five spent most of their time lying in the sand and flying out over the surf.
On day three of their Florida vacation Asa suggested that they take a tour of the area. They took to the air and began to slowly fly south to see the sights. After about an hour they spotted a strange sight in the distance.
“What is that thing?” asked BabyGirl. “It looks like a big candle.”
“Well, we’ll never figure it out this far away,” said Cecil. “Let’s get closer.”
The five birds flew closer to the object and noticed that there were a large number of humans gathered around it. They seemed to be working on the object for some unknown reason.
“It sure is tall,” said Angel. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Let’s fly up to the top of it and maybe we can figure it out,” suggested BabyGirl and the rest readily agreed.
Soon they were perched on top of the tall object. From their perch they could see for miles all around. Several humans were working around the only doorway into the object. They soon finished what they were doing and walked away down a walkway to a tall structure that was attached to the object.
“Look, they left that door open,” said Asa. “I bet we could get inside.”
“Do you think that is a good idea?” asked Cecil. “What if those humans come back?”
“Quit being such a worry birdie,” said Asha. “Let’s take a look.”
With curiosity having a death grip upon them, the five flew into the object and found a cramped room filled with computers and chairs. Suddenly they heard a sound outside and noticed that several humans in strange clothing were headed towards the door.
“Quick, find somewhere to hide!” said BabyGirl and they scurried towards a small door that led to what appeared to be a closet. They crammed themselves into the closet and shut the door just as the humans began entering the small cramped room.
“I guess we better just wait here until they decide to leave,” said Angel logically. “They might get mad if they see we have sneaked into whatever this thing is.”
The five settled down and played some word games until they got sleepy. Heads under wings and sitting shoulder to shoulder they settled down and took a nap. They were suddenly jolted awake by the sound of a large explosion and a sudden weight descending upon their feathered chests.
“Darn!” said Asha. “It feels like a human has sat on me! What on Earth is going on?”
None of the others were able to answer as they were too busy trying to breathe. But as suddenly as the invisible weight appeared it went away.
“That feels better.” said Asa. “But what is this?” she shouted as she suddenly began floating towards the top of the closet. “I can fly without flapping my wings! It feels like I have no weight whatsoever!”
The five birds were very confused as they tried to orient themselves.
“I don’t think I like this at all,” said Cecil nervously. “First we weigh too much and now we weigh nothing at all. What the heck have we gotten into here?”
“We better try to find those humans and ask them what is going on,” said Asha, once again being the voice of reason.
The five had a hard time getting the door open while weightless but they finally got it open enough for Cecil to slip through. He scouted out the immediate surroundings and reported back to the rest of his flock still secluded in the closet.
“Three of the humans in those strange outfits are sitting in chairs just in front of us,” he said. “Does anyone want to go and talk to them?”
“I’ll go,” Asa volunteered. She slipped out of the closet and tried waddling to the front of the room. It was difficult to walk under the weightless conditions, but she finally figured out how to move forward without flying off towards the ceiling. She eventually got to the front of the room and began using her beak to pull herself up the leg of the human sitting in the front chair.
“Yes Houston, Shuttle Atlantis is a go for final orbital insertion,” the human said. “What was that last question you asked?”
A voice came from out of the air. “Shuttle Atlantis our instruments show that you are about two pounds overweight. Did one of you bring something on board that was not approved?”
“Negative Houston,” the man in the strange uniform said as Asa finally reached the arm of his chair.
“Excuse me sir, could I please ask you a question?” Asa said in her most polite and lady like tone of voice.
“What the heck was that?” the human asked. “Who said that? You all know better than chattering on the radio while we’re doing an orbital insertion!”
“Sorry to disturb you, but I do have an important question,” Asa said as she tried to get the human’s attention by biting on his arm. The material of his clothing was very tough and she was unable to get a good grip on it.
The human finally saw the strange creature on his chair and shouted “What kind of games are you idiots playing! What is this thing? Some kind of new robot?”
“I assure you I am no robot,” Asa said indignantly. “I am a cockatiel and I want to know where I am and how do I get back to Angel’s house. I am quite hungry and am tired of this lack of weight.”
The human was sputtering and stuttering but seemed unable to make a coherent sound. The two other humans sitting nearby were staring at the small brown bird and seemed equally unable to say anything intelligent. The voice named Houston kept asking what was happening but nobody seemed to be paying it any attention. Meanwhile the other birds had decided to leave the closet and join Asa. Asha tried to fly up to where Asa stood but, due to the lack of gravity, overshot her target and landed on a large group of instruments in front of the human. She latched onto a toggle switch and looked back at the room.
“Who is in charge here? We would like to go back to Angel’s house. Can you help us?” Asha asked, also utilizing her best and most lady like manners and tone of voice.
The human in the front chair had finally regained some semblance of composure and asked in a voice full of shock and disbelief, “Are you birds?”
“That would appear to be obvious,” said Asa. “And I suppose you are humans?”
The human ignored Asa’s attempt at sarcasm, “How in heaven’s name did you get here?”
“Well, why don’t you tell us just what ‘here’ is,” said Asha.
“Commander,” broke in one of the other humans. “Are those birds really talking or is this some kind of trick. Is NASA giving us some kooky test or something?”
“I have no idea Simmons,” said the commander. “Look you bird, or whatever you are. This is the Shuttle Atlantis and we are currently 180 miles above the surface of the Earth. We are in the middle of changing our orbit so that we can do repairs on the Hubble Space Telescope. Now, would you kindly tell us what you are doing here?”
“Well, we were on vacation,” said Asa simply. “We saw this big thing and decided to check it out and then all heck broke loose. What is an orbit?”
“Forget that Asa,” said BabyGirl. “Take a look out that window. I don’t think we are in Florida anymore.”
The five birds turned their heads towards a large window in the front of the room and saw the round globe of the planet Earth off in the distance and floating in a sea of blackness.
“Oh Yeah!” said Asha. “This is way cool! I’ve seen this before. Dad watches this stuff all the time!” She turned towards the commander. “You must be Captain Kirk!”
“Captain Kirk?!” the commander shouted. “I’m not Captain Kirk. I’m Commander Smithson.”
“No, really,” said Asha. “This has to be the Enterprise. I’ve seen it on television all the time. Dad’s crazy about this show. Where’s Spock? I like Spock.”
“Simmons, will you please gather these varmits and stow them away somewhere so I can complete our orbital insertion,” the commander said. “I have no idea how I will explain this to Houston.”
The birds went back to their closet without too much trouble after Simmons promised to bring them so food soon. When he left Cecil asked Asha “What is this Captain Kirk stuff? Do you know this guy?”
“Sure,” said Asha. “Like I said Dad watches this stuff all the time. He’s what they call a Treker. You remember those two firemen back in California? This is all a television show about space ships and Klingons and Vulcans.”
“You mean we really aren’t up in a space ship circling the planet?” asked BabyGirl.
“Heck no,” said Asha positively. “How the heck would five birds get on board a spaceship. Those things are huge. They would never allow us to sneak on board one of those things. They’re just filming a television show and we happened to get caught up in it. No problem. I think we ought to go look around. It might be fun.”
“But what about us being weightless,” said Asa. “How do they do that?”
“They can do anything on television,” said Asha with a grin.
“But that guy told us to stay here,” said Cecil. “He is supposed to bring us some food. I’m hungry.”
“Well, maybe we can find it sooner,” said Asha as she headed for the door. “Let’s go!”
The five turned away from the front of the ship and found a stairway leading down. They hung onto the rail and pulled themselves down the stairs. To the right they saw a room with four more humans sitting in chairs. They went in the other direction and found a small room containing a cage with a small monkey in it.
“Hey, it’s a monkey,” said Asa. “I wonder if he can talk?” The five birds tried to get the monkey to talk but he couldn’t say anything. Eventually they were able to get him to understand hand gestures and discovered that he had been loaded on board just before the ship had taken off and he had no idea why he was there or what was going on. He did make it clear that his name was Astro and that he would like to be let out of his cage and Asa took care of that without too much trouble.
“Any idea if where the food is?” Cecil asked astro. The monkey gestured to follow him and he quickly led them to another small room containing boxes of tubes. He took one of the tubes and removed the cap. He squeezed some paste on his hand and licked it with a big smile on his face. He handed the tube to Cecil who squeezed a small amount on one of his talons and took a bite.
“Yuck!” Cecil said with a grimace. “This is awful! Aren’t there any veggies around here?” The birds tried all of the different varieties of the tubes and found none of them worth eating although Astro was having the time of his life squeezing food all over the floor.
“Hey, do you think we’re on television now?” asked BabyGirl as she made an effort to primp her feathers.
“Don’t worry deary, Ben will not be disappointed,” said Asha.
“Well, I just want to look good,” said BabyGirl with a bit of a pout. “We can’t all be Divas and look good all the time!”
“Look, I don’t like being a complainer but I am really hungry,” said Cecil as his tummy rumbled softly. “Do you think there is any way we can get some good food around here?”
“Well, I’m up for a bit of exploring if you guys are. I’ve never been on a television set before.” said Angel as she headed toward a closed door at the far end of the galley.
The five waddle-glided across the floor to the new and mysterious door, upon reaching it, they discovered it was, of course, locked. With a quick jiggle and tug, the Convicts Chick easily unlocked it. Inside stood fresh veggies of all sorts in large glass containers with funny rubber gloves sticking out into the room.
“Why didn’t they just bring us here in the first place?” asked Cecil in an exasperated tone.
“Maybe humans think tubes of goo are better than fresh veggies?” comment Angel.
“Um, there is something funny about those veggies, Cecil.” the voice of reason, Asha, chimed in.
“I don’t see anything wrong with them?” said Cecil with a beak full of rubber glove.
“Um, hate to agree with Asha here, since my tummy is pretty empty, too, but I think she’s right. There’s something not quite right about those veggies.” said Asa, also chiming in as the voice of reason.
But, it was too late. As soon as the air hit the broccoli sample in the case it exploded into a neon green powder. At the exact same moment, out of apparently nowhere, two very large, very black bunny rabbits hopped into the center of the case as the green dust settled, snow-globe style, around them.
“AHHHHHHH!” shouted Cecil as he jumped back hard and fast enough to bump into the wall on the far side of the lab room.
Just then, sensing the possibility of freedom, the bunnies, who were now more green than black, forced their oversized bodies through the opening Cecil had chewed into the rubber glove. It was then that the real chaos began. Bunny One, who like Bunny Two, was completely covered in broccoli dust, hit the floor, left a large green splat, and bounced nearly 6 feet in the air due to the lack of gravity and almost hit Angel in the process. Bunny Two left an equally impressive green splat on the pristine white floor, but only managed a bounce of 4 feet, nicking the tip of Cecils blue tail and leaving a small green smudge.
“Ewwwwwww!!” grimaced Cecil as he shook the green broccoli dust off his tail feathers.
“We’ve got to catch those Bunnies before Captain Kirk finds out!” shouted Asha a bit louder than necessary.
At that moment Astro entered the little lab room and began dancing and playing with the bunnies. It was a mid air ballet that would have made Borishnikov, Abbot and Costello very proud. As Asha swooped this way with the large beaker, Asa swooped that way with an equally as large beaker. Missing Bunny One and Bunny Two, they bumped into one another, sending each other into mid air gravityless loop-dee-loops. Cecil dove like an Eagle after a morsel of fresh fish, hoping to herd Bunny One into the cabinet Angel had just pulled open. Astro, seeing something shiny inside the cabinet, entered it.
“GOT HIM!!!” shouted Angel as she slammed the cabinet door. Asa, lock master extraordinaire, locked the cabinet tight with Astro safely and very securely ensconced inside.
The ballet continued. Asha crashed into BabyGirl, who then was sent floating helplessly backward and then sideways into Asa, who then bumped into Bunny Two, sending it into the glass medicine style cabinet she’d just picked the lock on as Angel held the door open.
“GOT ANOTHER ONE!!!!” shouted Angel as she slammed the glass door closed and Asa locked the still green broccoli powder coated bunny securely inside.
“One more to go!” said Asha obviously as the five feathered friends all dove simultaneously for Bunny One. Seeing it was out numbered, Bunny One ducked into a bread box style experiment station.
“GOT HIM!!!” shouted Cecil as he, Asa, Asha, BabyGirl and Angel all slammed their nearly weightless bodies into the lid at the same time in order to close Bunny One securely into the box. Asa, for the third time in 6 minutes, securely locked another lock.
“Now what?” said Angel, slightly breathlessly.
“We clean up.” said Asa as she began to upright the few containers they’d tipped over.
“It sure would have helped if we knew where on this ship Scotty was! We sure could have used that teleporter of his to get rid of those bunnies!” said Asha as she found a towel and mopped up a bit of spilt water.
With the room looking as it had when they entered, Cecil asked once again to no bird in particular, “You know, I’m still hungry. As a matter of fact, I’m doubly hungry now!”
“You should have just eaten a tube while you had the chance.” said Asa as she found another towel and tried to mop up some of the mess left behind by Astro.
Asha and BabyGirl sat on the back of a chair while Asa, Cecil and Angel finished cleaning up Astros mess as best as they could.
“So, do you really think Scotty is here somewhere with that teleporter machine?” asked Angel.
“He has to be. He works for Captain Kirk and the Federation.” said Asha.
“Well, let’s go ask the Captain where on this ship he is and maybe Scotty can beam us back to Angels house.” said Asa as the five climbed up the stairs and made their way back to the command deck. There they found an obviously angry Commander Smithson talking to an equally angry human on a television screen.
“You are trying to tell me that five birds have somehow stowed away on a space shuttle?” the face on the screen said with sarcasm dripping from his voice.
“That is exactly what I am saying sir,” said the commander. “What should I do about this?”
Ignoring the commander’s question the human on the screen continued his rant “And not only are they birds they are talking birds who think you are Captain Kirk from Star Trek?”
“That is true, sir,” Smithson said in a quiet voice. “Again, what should I do about this?”
“I would suggest you quit smoking whatever it is you have been smoking and call me back when you sober up,” shouted the human in the screen. “Either that or declare yourself unfit for service and put Simmons on!”
“Simmons, will you please tell the General about the birds,” Smithson said with a sigh as he turned his face from the General on the screen to the astronaut on his right.
“No need to go to the trouble” Asha said as she glided to the front of the cabin. “Hey General, what is the title of this episode and where the heck is Scotty? Maybe he can just beam us back to Angels house with the teleporter. If it’s not too much trouble.” Asha added quickly.
The human in the viewscreen looked at Asha as if she were a snake that had just jumped out of his breakfast cereal. He tried to speak a couple of times but was unable to. He looked offscreen and said “Will the rest of you take a look at this and please tell me I am crazy and the shuttle is not infested with talking birds?”
“What is the big deal?” asked Cecil. “You all act like you’ve never heard of talking parrots before. Where are all the cameras? We want to look good for the close-ups.”
“How in heaven’s name did you all get on my shuttle?” the general shouted.
“We walked in the door,” said Angel. “It wasn’t that hard. Were we not supposed to do that? We’re sorry if we’ve caused a problem.”
“Well, I’m going to cause a problem if I don’t get something good to eat and soon!” said Cecil who could contain himself no longer.
“Commander, would you please remove those creatures from the command deck while I go and talk to the President,” the General said. “And while you are at it, why don’t you find your guests something to eat?”
Commander Smithson herded the birds back down to the galley where they found the cases of empty food tubes exactly where the five had left them and still empty. The Commander made it clear that all the food they had was in those tubes. He made the birds promise not to leave the room until he returned and went back up the ladder to face the wrath of the General.
“This is awful,” said Cecil. “I want to go back to Angel’s where we can get some good food.”
“I agree,” said Angel. “Where is that door we came in through?”
The birds climbed back up the ladder and found the entry door but discovered it was securely locked.
“Well, Convicts Chick, do your magic,” said Cecil with a gentlemanly bow.
Despite her best efforts, Asa was unable to get the door to open. “It looks like we are stuck here,” she finally said slightly breathless. “I guess we’ve got to wait until they finish filming this episode before we can go home.”
“What a vacation!” said Cecil sarcastically as he tossed his head back and flapped his wings ever so slightly.
The five decided to wander onto the command deck yet again and see what was happening with the show. They saw that Commander Smithson was again in a discussion with the General.
“The President has agreed that it would be best for us to keep this bird incident as quiet as possible,” said the General. “Lock those creatures somewhere that they won’t cause any trouble and get on with the mission. That telescope has to be repaired or NASA will be in for a public relations disaster that will probably affect our funding. Do I make myself quite clear?”
“Quite,” the Commander said. “Quite. OK, Simmons you have shown yourself totally unable to control those birds why don’t you give it a try Sanchez. Pack them into a storage chute and lock it tight. I don’t want to see or hear anything from them until we are back at Kennedy.”
The third human on the control deck stood up and made his way towards the birds.
“Do we fight or do we give in?” asked Angel.
“Let’s go along with them for now,” said Asha. “If we have to, Asa can get us out.”
The five birds meekly went along with Sanchez who placed them back into the storage chute they had endured during liftoff. They settled in for a long wait and spent the time playing games and napping. Angel got to know the other birds better and they came to enjoy the company of the Grey. After what seemed like an eternity, Asha suggested that Asa give the door lock a try. It didn’t take the well-named Convicts Chick very long to open the door. The five quietly exited and headed for the command deck to see what was going on. Once again, they found the Commander in a discussion with the General.
“We’ve taken four space walks General and it all comes down to one fact,” the Commander began. “The tool that we needed to fix the telescope was broken by accident. It is required for the very exacting work we have to do to make the repairs and without it we cannot do the job. Nothing else is small enough to get into the guts of the telescope. I’m sorry, but we can’t do a thing.”
“Don’t give up so easily Captain,” said Asha as she rushed to the front of the room. “We can’t let those dirty Klingons win that easily! I’ve got just what you need to do the job.”
“What the heck is that crazy bird talking about?” roared the General.
“I thought I told you to lock them away!’ roared the Commander to Sanchez.
“And I thought you were a hero Captain!” roared Asha three octaves higher than any of the three humans. “I guess I was wrong. Maybe Picard was the better Captain!”
“Wait a second!” shouted Sanchez. “I won’t sit here and let you say Picard was a better Captain than Kirk. That bald idiot was nothing more than a glorified diplomat.”
“Sanchez, have you lost your mind?” shouted the General.
“Wait a second,” said the Commander. “What did you mean when you said you have what we need to do the job?”
“Finally,” said Asha with a deep sigh and pity that humans had a tendency to be so slow at getting the point of things. “My friend Asa here is an expert at manipulating things in close quarters. All you have to do is fix her up a cockatiel-sized space suit, tell her what you need done and she’ll do the job.”
“You aren’t planning on listening to that idiot are you Commander?” asked the General.
“Right now, I’d listen to anybody,” said the Commander. “Sanchez, see about fitting this bird into a space suit and let’s get out there and finish this job.”
After some quick costume work and some instructions from the other astronauts, Asa went on the first-ever parrot space walk. The other birds watched on the monitor screen as she slipped into the innards of the telescope and easily made the necessary repairs.
“You know these new Hi-Def sets make it look almost real,” Asha said with amazement.
“You know what,” said BabyGirl. “I’m beginning to think it is real.”
“Are you trying to tell me you believe that we are really hundreds of miles above the Earth’s surface in a space craft while Asa is walking around in outer space repairing a million dollar telescope?”
“I guess you’re right,” said BabyGirl. “I just hope they tell us when this episode will air on tv.”
“Yeah, I want Mom to make a copy of it,” said Cecil, with a hint of pride in his voice.
The remainder of the mission went pretty smoothly after Asa completed the repairs. The shuttle returned to Earth uneventfully, stopping at the far end of the runway so the birds could be released away from the prying eyes of the press.
“I want to thank you for all you did for NASA and your country,” the President told the five birds after the landing. “I would appreciate it if you kept this entire incident a secret. But if you ever need anything, you can call on us.”
The five slipped out the door and flew back to Angel’s house where they dove into a huge meal of fresh vegetables and fruit. When they were finally finished they gathered in a nearby tree to discuss the previous few days.
“You know, they almost had me believing the whole thing was real,” said Asha. “But I knew it was television when I saw the guy they called the president. I swear he was the guy who played ‘Q’ in the Next Generation.”
“Well, real or not, it was fun!” said Asa.
Yeah, you got to keep that little space suit,” pouted Cecil. “You get all the good toys.”

The Last Asha Chronicle- Part 14

Well, this is it, the last of the Asha Chronicles (at least for now). As the faithful readers may remember, Beavis, a very old Quaker parrot, ran away from home once before. He was depressed and saddened at not winning Bird of the Week. He assumed he had no friends and ran off to drown his sorrows on a serious Cheerio binge. He was found in a rehab facility run by the Bird Underground and convinced to come home. Well, after losing two more times to another bird for Bird of the Week, he ran away yet again. And, yet again, the Feathered Four went off to rescue him......


The Asha Chronicles Part 14
Yoda Beavis the Lost
by Timothy Graham and Julie Stilwell
March 4, 2008


“I can’t believe I’m here. King of all budgies. The one and only Sir Cecilot trapped like I just snarfed at Claussen and got locked up for a time out!” Cecil complained both melodramatically and a bit to loudly.
“Shhhhhhhhhh!” scolded Asha and BabyGirl at the same time. “You wanna get us caught and trapped in quarantine for the next six months?” Asa ended. “Be lucky that Granny still had Worthington’s travel condo from when his breeder shipped him to us and it still had all the stickers and papers on it for getting through customs.”
“Yeah, and be lucky it isn’t smaller!” Cecil complained again.
“I can’t believe we’re going to Scotland to bring Beavis home!” said Asha. “I wonder how Buddy did it?” she added as she thought of the African Grey from Wall, NJ who not only helped them catch the Yuppie Killer, but also helped them rescue Asa’s flockmate Ralph from the waiting room of the Rainbow Bridge. Buddy was a world traveler and had traveled everywhere, including and most recently the moon.
“There just wasn’t room in here for him to fit, too. We’re just lucky Cecil isn’t as big as his personality and especially that he’s not as big as that attitude and ego of his!” said BabyGirl and she tried to stretch her left foot, which had gone to sleep from being stuck in the same position for so long.
“Watch it, Orange-Wing!” Cecil threatened.
“Yeah, yeah, king of all budgies and so on!” BabyGirl rebuked back.
“Ok, come on; let’s keep a level set of head feathers here!” Asa said as she pulled her tail out from under Asha’s talon. “We need to quick complaining and be thankful for what we have, including each other. Then we need to remember we’re on this uncomfortable mission to rescue Beavis and talk some sense into his old head and get him to come home once and for all.” Asa scolded her Feathered Friends.
“Yeah, it’s just been nearly 12 hours in here and I guess the close quarters are just getting to all of us.” Asha apologized.
“Dolly’s great-Uncle Guido will be picking us up at the airport. Dolly and the Underground forged all the papers he’ll need to just take us to his home in Orkney without us getting stuck in customs and quarantine for the next six months. From what the European Underground has been saying, Beavis is currently living in a place called Skara Brae. I looked it up on Granny’s computer and it’s a human thing called a Neolithic settlement that was built in 3100- 2500 BC. It’s a very old place and there are ten homes there that we will have to search for Beavis.” Asa said as she went over the information she’d stored in the files of her little grey brain cells.
“How far is Skara Brae from Guido’s?” Asked BabyGirl.
“Not too far. Guido will take us there so we don’t have to search too long for it. Then, so we don’t spook Beavis, he’ll leave us to our job.” Asa answered.
“We might as well get some rest. Time will go faster if we sleep through this trip than if we continue arguing with one another.” Said Asha as she tucked her blue, yellow and green head under her wing and closed her eyes.
Her fellow Feathered Friends joined her. They all knew they’d need their rest for the mission that lay ahead.
The Feathered Friends slept so soundly that they didn’t notice the plane had landed until the Delta Pet Express guy jostled their carrier as he moved the crate with the Shih Tzu that sat belted beside them, “Got the four tweety birdies that Guido Guirino guy is picking up.”
“Yeah, take ‘em down to the ticket counter, the Guirino guy will be waiting to take them from you.” the other baggage handler instructed the first.
“What about the customs papers?” the first asked as he unbelted and lifted the carrier with the Feathered Friends in it.
“Guirino has them and they’re all in order, just take the tweety birdies to the ticket counter, direct. All livestock is under its own special section. They have to get to their new owner untraumatized or the airline will get sued.” the second baggage handler said as he carried the Shih Tzu, who was quiet due to being heavily tranquilized for the plane ride, out the hatch door of the climate controlled and pressurized section of the baggage compartment.
The first baggage handler carefully carried the Feathered Friends, who sat wedged side by side, like stuffed birds in the little carrier Asa’s Granny had given to them to get to Scotland in. It was a good 10 minute walk to the Delta ticket counter where Dolly’s great Uncle Guido was waiting for them. He greeted them warmly the moment the baggage handler and packed carrier came into view.
“Oh! My beauuuuuuutiful baby birrrrdie’s!!!!” Guido cooed quite loudly. “Oh, it eees to good to see you! Dolly ‘as told me so much about you I feel I’ve known you all me life! Wait till my Rose Mary sees you beauuuuuuuutiful babies!”
“I need to see your identification and the papers for all four of the tweety birdies.” said the baggage handler as he placed the full carrier down on the ticket counter.
“Not a problem. Ere they are Sir.” said Guido as he handed the stack of customs forms, health certificates, Asa’s micro chip information, and his personal identification to the baggage handler.
“Uncle Guido! Love you!” said Cecil, clear as a bell in English as he clung to the travel carriers door like one of those stuffed Garfields with the suction cup feet that so many Americans liked to display in their cars rear window.
“Ah, little Cecil! Eet must be nice being so small while stuck in such a full carrier, eh?” Guido said sweetly to the only male member of the Feathered Friends.
“Love you!” Cecil warbled again in English.
“Beep!” chimed in Asa, understanding that Cecil was trying to help get them through customs by showing the baggage guy that they knew Guido and he was not some evil bird napper.
“Tickle Tickle. Antidisestablishmentarianism.” said Asha, the Diva of the Feathered Friends, not to be out done.
“Kissy Kissy Uncle Guido.” said BabyGirl.
“Ah, my tweety babies! Uncle Guido loves you too! And Asha, such a long and impressive word!” Guido cooed as he tried to stick a chubby index finger through the carriers door to lovingly skritch Cecil’s head.
Asha considered puffing up at the compliment Uncle Guido had just paid her, but she realized there just wasn’t room in the carrier for such displays of emotion.
“Well, all is in order and the tweety birdies are not only yours, but obviously happy to see you, too. You’re clear to go Mr. Guirino.” The baggage handler smiled as he stamped and handed Guido back a slightly smaller stack of papers.
Uncle Guido carried the carrier snuggly in both of his arms and nestled next to his barrel of a chest to his aging Citron waiting for them out in the parking lot with Rose Mary, his wife.
“Rosie, here are our nieces and nephew.” Guido said with obvious pride in his voice as he handed the packed carrier to his plump wife before getting into the Citron, starting the motor and heading for home.
“Such beautiful babies.” Rosie cooed to the Feathered Friends as they drove out of the airport parking lot.
After a good two hour drive, they arrived at Orkney on the west coast of the mainland of Scotland. Rose Mary lovingly and tenderly carried the carrier into her and Guido’s little stone house, closed and bolted the front door, and opened the carrier. While the Feathered Four buzzed around the main room for a good five minutes, stretching their very stiff wings, Rose Mary set to work preparing feast of noodles and tomato gravy, fresh veggies, fresh fruits and a dish of multi flavored nutriberries Dolly, Asha’s Dad, Cecil’s Mom, BabyGirls Mom and Asa’s Granny had all shipped directly to Guido and Rose Mary in advance, along with a huge tub of Stitches Spicy Popcorn. Well exercised and nearly over fed the Feathered Friends took up residence on various parts of Guido and Rose Mary’s bodies and settled down for a good nights rest.
The next morning Guido took the Feathered Friends to the Skara Brae Settlement and left them there, alone, to search for Beavis, after of course, lavishing skritches and kisses on each one for good luck.
“Well, guess we start here and then work our way through each house till we find Beavis.” BabyGirl began.
“Probably the smartest thing to do so we don’t miss the little guy. Beavis is not a whole lot bigger than Cecil and those green feathers of his will blend nicely with all the moss.” said Asa as she waddled forward toward the door of the first decaying stone house.
The Feathered Friends wandered from dark decaying cold room to dark decaying cold room and found nothing but bugs, moss and a lot of dirt. The second of the ten houses in the settlement was the same as the first, nothing but dirt and bugs.
“I sure hope these homes don’t have secret tunnels or anything.” said BabyGirl with a shiver. “All this dirt is wreaking havoc on my feathers! Bud won’t even recognize me when I get home!”
“Your feathers! Mine aren’t even green anymore! I’m nearly the same color as Asa is!” Asha, the resident Diva, complained lightly.
“And, what is wrong with brown feathers?” asked Asa, knowing her best friend had nothing against brown feathers, if they were naturally that color.
“Diva’s and dirt just don’t mix!” Asha explained as she puffed and fluffed a bit of the dirt loose, exposing three green feathers.
“Wait….” began Cecil in a hushed tone. “I feel something….er, maybe someone?”
Asa, Asha and BabyGirl each stopped dead in their tracks and listened.
“Yeah, someone or something is in here with us.” said Asa.
“Sorry, spectral birds we know from the Rainbow Bridge is one thing, but I don’t do ghosts! Especially old ones from a million years ago!” BabyGirl said in a hoarse whisper.
“Baaaaaaaaaaa.” came a disembodied voice before Asha could put in her two cents worth. “Baaaaaaaaaaaa.” it said again.
“A sheep?!” asked Asa to no bird in particular.
“Aye Missy, I am Meghan. My flock and I live here and you’re trespassing on our land.” the disembodied voice explained.
“Please accept our apologies for trespassing. We didn’t know these homes were still occupied. We’re just here to bring a friend of ours home, Yoda Beavis….” Cecil began before the disembodied voice of the sheep named Meghan interrupted him.
“Aye, I know the one you speak of, baaaaaaaa. He is in the fifth house, the one owned by Ailis and Fiona, the spinster twins, baaaaaaaaa.” said the disembodied voice of Meghan the sheep.
“Ghosts?” asked BabyGirl simply.
“We lived long ago, Green One, we baaaaaaaaaa, are all ghosts. Baaaaaaaaa. Beware the twins, aye, they do not like visitors nor do they baaaaaaaaaa like trespassers. Keep your wits about you and be prepared to answer baaaaaaaa their riddle to reclaim your friend, baaaaaaaaaa.” Meghans disembodied voice ended and the icy chill she’d brought with her disappeared.
“If this was anyone but Beavis I’d be outa here!” said BabyGirl.
“That Quaker is in more of a pickle than my brother Claussen!” Cecil said as he waddled toward the front door of the house and into the fresh sea air.
“I think I’m going to have to Ninja some sense into that guy!” said Asha as she picked up a small rock with her talon and tossed it a couple of inches in front of her.
“Yeah, then after all that knocking sense into him, we need to refill his head with how much he’s hurting his family and friends by disappearing like this again.” Asa said emphatically.
The Feathered Friends waddled for about five minutes as they made their way slowly and cautiously across what passed for the town square of the Neolithic settlement Skara Brae and down a small side street to the fifth house. At the threshold of the nonexistent front door, the Four paused as they felt the icy presence of the twins Ailis and Fiona, but saw nothing.
“May we help you?” came a disembodied voice from somewhere just the other side of the nonexistent doors threshold.
“We’ve come to take Beavis home.” said Cecil bravely.
“Beavis? You want the little one called Beavis?” a different ghostly voice asked with a hideously happy chuckle.
“Yes, we’ve come for Beavis. Now, please let us enter so we can take him home.” Cecil bravely added as he stood up as tall as his tiny 41 gram body would let him.
“Never!” screeched the first voice.
“He’s our supper!” screeched the second voice.
“Ok,” began Asha “You let us have Beavis or I’m going to Ninja me some ghost!” Asha said as she stepped forward one step so she was side by side with the little budgie that saw himself as bigger and stronger than Hercules.
Both ethereal voices laughed with delight at the thought of more for supper that night before one of them added, “Please, come on in.”
Cecil, without a second thought, stepped over the threshold and into the lair of the ghostly spinster twins. The other three followed Cecil without hesitation. Inside the dark dank main room to the fifth house, the home of Ailis and Fiona for many, many centuries, the Feathered Friends stood tall, brave, and very close together. They still could not see their ghostly hosts, but they could feel their icy presence.
“Where is Yoda Beavis!” Cecil demanded in his biggest and most intimidating voice to the invisible twins.
“You really think you have any power over us?!” came the disembodied voice of Ailis.
“Yes we do!” chimed all four of the Feathered Friends at once.
“Aye, these are very stupid little feathered ones, huh Fiona?” Ailis said impishly.
“Aye sister, very stupid.” Fiona wickedly answered.
“Listen, just let us have Beavis and we’ll be gone, ok?” Asa tried to reason to no avail.
“To heck with this, “said Asha as she began to waddle toward the only other visible room from the main room.
“STOP!!!” bellowed the twins simultaneously.
“No, we’re going to find Beavis.” Said Cecil as he and Asa followed Asha toward the other room.
“I’ve got your friend!” said Fiona as she clamped icy invisible fingers around BabyGirls’s body.
“Oh no you don’t!” shouted Cecil as he suddenly became airborne and began buzzing around the room doing is best to dive bomb and bite the invisible twins.
“No one messes with my family!” Asha and Asa, so different in appearance, but so like minded in thought, said at the same time as they also took flight and began dive bombing the icy air.
“I got one!” warbled Cecil as he felt his body go in and then out of an icy cold spot in the room. “One of them is about 5 feet tall over where BabyGirl is frozen!”
“Found the other!” shouted Asha as she went though the second icy cold spot in the room.
“Take that!!!” shouted Asa as she did a loop-dee-loop through both twins phantom forms.
“Stop!! Stop!!! That HURTS!” cried Fiona as she let go of BabyGirl to swat uselessly at Asa, Asha and Cecil.
“Where’s BEAVIS!” cried Cecil as he buzzed through Fiona’s invisible form.
“Ok, ok!! Aye, stop flying through us and we’ll tell you.” Fiona and Ailis cried at the same time.
Reluctantly the threesome landed on the floor, Cecil automatically trying to preen BabyGirls feathers strait for her. She was fine, a bit shaken, but fine.
“Thank you Cecil.” BabyGirl said sweetly and she kissed the top of the little blue budgies white head in gratitude for his heroics.
“We’ll tell you, but you must answer our riddle first!” said Fiona.
“That wasn’t the deal!” said Asha as she readied for flight and buzzing the twins again.
“Aye, you figure the riddle, you’ll find your friend.” Ailis said, all fight and fright gone out of her disembodied voice.
“All right, give us the riddle. I’ve had six years with Granny and her weird puzzles, this shouldn’t be too hard.” Asa said confidently.
“Aye, brave little soul you have.” Fiona said to Asa and then added, “The sad little lost soul you seek be morose where the whiskey flows free from the fruits of the earth. Moss and slime he do amass to life, he soon be no more.”
Cecil whistled softly, “Asa, are you sure you can do it?”
“I just have to think like Granny.” Asa said as she began to immerse herself in thought.
“Fruits of the earth could be a garden?” Asha offered.
“Whiskey is kept in a liquor cabinet.” BabyGirl offered.
“Aye, the little ones will be our supper before long!” Ailis whispered to her sister.
“We need to find a root cellar, a door that leads to the basement of this place.” Asa suddenly said, then explained triumphantly “Way back when they didn’t have electricity they kept food in clay pots and stuff underground to keep them cool and fresh. Beavis must be trapped in underground where they used to store whiskey and canned foods.”
“Like in that shed behind the Byron Depot?” asked Asha.
“Yeah, just like that.” said Asa as Fiona began to reach her invisible hand toward her to kill her for her supper, but, remembering the long since forgotten sensation of the pain the Feathered Friends flying though created, she withdrew.
The Feathered Friends began waddling toward the fireplace where a ghostly rug lay. In books, the trap door was always hidden under a rug. Asha and BabyGirl reached for one of the rugs corners, but grabbed nothing but air.
“Ghost rug?” said Cecil in astonishment.
“Apparently.” answered Asa.
“Look, it’s disappearing!” said BabyGirl.
“And, there is the door!” said Asha happily.
“Let me at it!” said Asa as she stepped forward and began shredding and splintering the rotted wood creating a hole more than large enough for a small dog to crawl through with room to spare.
Fiona and Ailis, realizing they’d been beaten, and fearing the Feathered Friends, disappeared taking the icy chill of the room with them. The Feathered Friends flew through the opening and, with just the light from the dimly lit main room above them pouring in, they alighted on the back of an old chair and listened to the stale air as their eyes adjusted to the darkness.
“I hear him breathing.” whispered Cecil.
“Yeah, over in that corner.” Asha said as she pointed a talon to an area just in front of her.
“Beavis?” asked Asa, hoping dearly it was him and not another ghost looking for dinner.
“How did you find me?” Beavis asked in a weak voice.
“Your friends and the Bird Underground.” Cecil explained.
“I don’t ever want to go home again!” Beavis whispered plaintively.
“Why not?” asked Asha as the four made their way over to the weak little green feathered body perched on an empty whiskey bottle that was nearly fossilized into the stone floor.
“No one likes me. I have no friends. No one will vote for me to be Bird of the Week and I just don’t want to be where I’m not wanted.” Beavis whispered sadly.
“You know Beavis, for such a wise old bird, you’re really dumb!” said Cecil.
“I just don’t get it!” Asa said as she tossed her wings up in the air. “What on earth is such a big deal about Bird of the Week?! I have been a member of Bird Channel for 1 year, 3 months and 21 days according to BC’s records. I am the 357 member of BC and only had 336 of the 4172 friends who’ve visited my page vote for me. But, I have more friends than my Granny could imagine with her over active imagination! Beavis, you’re the 7178 member of BC and in the 1 month and 21 days you’ve been on BC you’ve had 4027 friends visit and place 717 votes! In a MONTH!!!” Asa exclaimed, completely exasperated at the whole Bird of the Week competition.
“Yeah, and when a zillion years pass and BC is no more you’ll have something so much better than all those who think Bird of the Week is a good thing. You’ll be in my memoirs! My Dad and Asa’s Granny are writing the story of our adventures together and you’re part of those stories.” said Asha, equally as exasperated with Beavis’ running away.
“Long after BC is gone, books will remain. Just look at the bible.” Cecil added. “And Shakespeare! Asha’s memoirs and our adventures will become legend and with you in the stories, so will you!”
“Yeah, and you’re old enough to be entered into the Guinness Book of World Records! None of the other birds on BC are old enough for that honor! When you get in that book you get on TV specials, you’ll be famous! You’ll get your talon prints in the Gorman’s Chinese Theater! You’ll get your own memoirs written and published. Good grief, you’ll be so famous you’ll forget BC even exists!” BabyGirl added in her normally enthusiastic tone.
“And, then there is your Mom and flock.” Cecil added somberly. “You have no idea how much they love and miss you. It was them AND your BC friends flockilies that paid for our plane fair to Scotland to come and bring you home. You have no idea how loved and special you are.” Cecil ended very sincerely.
“They really love me that much?” Beavis added in disbelief.
“Yes, you stupid wise bird!” Asha said lovingly.
“What about Fiona and Ailis, they won’t let us leave.” Beavis said, still weakly, but with a smidge more strength that he had before due to the pep talk from his friends.
“Cecil took care of them.” Asa smiled as Cecil fluffed a bit with pride at Asa’s compliment.
With a deep sigh, Beavis slid off the nearly fossilized whiskey bottle and slowly followed the Feathered Friends out of the root cellar and out of the haunted Neolithic settlement into a field of lush green grass to check Beavis over and make sure he’d make it to Uncle Guido and Aunt Rose Mary’s home.
Beavis, although, quite weak due to lack of food, water and sun light, never mind the icy chill he’d been living in for who knows how long, he made it to Uncle Guido’s where Aunt Rose Mary had a feast fit for the entire BC flock AND their flockilies laid out on the table for them. Beavis didn’t hesitate, he dove right in and ate all his little green Quaker body could hold, then he added in a bit more for good measure. Full to the eyeballs, he curled up on the nape of his new Aunt Rose Mary neck and fell into the sweetest sleep he’d had in a long time.
The next morning, after another filling feast for breakfast Guido made a startling announcement, “Little ones, I have a big surprise for you!”
“Tickle Tickle?” said Asha unnecessarily. Guido, being a member of the Underground, knew the birds could talk, but he obliged Asha with a ‘tickle tickle’ on the back of her neck, to which she responded by nearly melting into a puddle of happy feathers.
“Sean Connery,“ Guido continued as he continued to give Asha skritches with one hand and Asa with the other. “is here, in Orkney leading a tour through the ruins you just rescued Beavis from. Eee is one of the main members of Friends of Scotland who helps to raise money and awareness in the interest, history and traditions of Scottish culture. Eees wife, Micheline is also here. She ees a friend of my Rosie’s,” Guido explained to the Feathered Friends and Beavis as his wife skritched Beavis and Cecil into their own little puddle of happy feathers. BabyGirl opted out of the love fest to try and remove the rest of the dirt from her lush emerald green feathers. Guido continued, “and she and Sean agreed to take you on their private jet back to the states and to your families.”
“No being squished by large green bodies?” queried Cecil.
“Hey! Who you calling large!?!” Asha and BabyGirl demanded at the same time.
“No one.” Cecil quickly added innocently.
“I hope not.” said Asha deviously.
“No, no tiny little travel condo, eee-sept to get you through customs and onto the plane.” Rose Mary chimed in.
The very next day Sean Connery and his wife Micheline picked up the Feathered Four and Beavis all crammed into the tiny travel condo from their Uncle Guido and Aunt Rose Mary and took them to their private jet at the Islay Airport and then home.
During the trip Connery seemed a little uncomfortable in the company of five parrots until Asha piped up: ”You know, my Dad says that all the other Bonds were a bunch of crap!” Things went very smoothly after that. The jet dropped the birds off at Dulles Airport in Washington D.C., just a short flight from Beavis’ home in Virginia Beach.
“That Sean Connery is sure a nice guy,” said BabyGirl.
“Yeah, Dad is going to love the autographed Walther he said he would FedEx us,” said Asha.
“Why the long face Beavis?” asked Asa.
“I feel really stupid,” the elderly Quaker said with a sigh. “You would have thought I had learned my lesson when you all went all the way to Las Vegas to rescue me the last time. But no! I let it all get to me again and this time I ran all the way to Europe. Mom will never let me come home this time.”
“We’ll just wait and see about that,” said Asha.
The five parrots flew silently to Virginia Beach and perched on a tree branch of the tree in Beavis’ front yard as Beavis waddled up to the front door and rang the bell.
The door was quickly thrown open by a woman who had obviously been crying. “Beavis! You’re back!” she shouted as she scooped up the small bird and began to do what Asa called a ‘happy dance’. “Inca and the rest of the flock have missed you so badly.”
“But what about you, mom, have you missed me?” Beavis said in a low voice. “I’ve been very stupid and caused you a lot of trouble. If you want me to stay gone I guess I could find somewhere else to stay.”
“Don’t be even more stupid!” she said. “You know I love you. You know how many times your loving face has carried me through hard times. Why just last year when Joe the Sparrow died, it was your cheerful voice that carried me through. Just promise me you’ll stay for good this time. Besides, I don’t know how many years The Great Spirit will allow you to remain here with me. I want to spend every minute I can with you.”
“I promise I won’t leave again,” Beavis said. “I really do.”
Beavis’ mom looked out into the yard and said: “I know you are out there somewhere you crazy birds! Come on down here and show your faces!”
The Feathered Four fluttered down and gathered in a semi-circle around Beavis and his Mom.
“These four have been to the ends of the Earth just for you,” she said. “With friends like this you are Bird of the Century!”
“Hey, how many points do you get for that?” asked BabyGirl innocently.
“Way to kill the mood bird brain,” Asha said as she slapped BabyGirl on the side of her head with her wing.
“Come on in you all,” said Beavis’ mom with a laugh. “I think I can whip up a batch of Spicy Pop Corn in no time!”
“For that, I’ll definitely stay home!” said Beavis as they all laughed and gathered in a group hug.

The Asha Chronicles Part 12

Ah, Cary Grant in Arsnic and Old Lace, one of my all time favorites! Ok, this is the 12th Episode of the Asha Chronicles, not Arsnic and Old Lace.......or is it?

The Asha Chronicles Part 12
Stormy Dark Knight
by Julie Stilwell and Tim Graham
February 28, 2008

“Glad you got my message, “said Cecil to Asha, Asa and BabyGirl as the Feathered Four assembled in a sun puddle on the roof of Cecils apartment building.
“We all saw the news report, too. Another what the humans call a Yuppie murdered. BabyGirl and I went over what we each remembered from the news on our way up here.” began Asa. She lived in Arkansas and BabyGirl lived in Missouri, just north of her. The two members of the Feathered Four had flown side by side to Cecils home in northwestern New York.
“Dad’s had on the sports and ESPN, not the news, so I don’t know too much, just that 12 Yuppie’s have been murdered. What do you know that we don’t Cecil?” asked Asha.
“Mostly I just have ideas.” Cecil began as he shifted his weight in the little puddle of sunshine he was perched upon. “My Mom and Dad have had the news on a lot lately even thought the murders are taking place in Augusta, Maine and not here. I’ve been listening closely to what the news has to say and I think there are some clues the police aren’t looking into that we should look into so no more humans die.”
“Like what clues?” asked Asa before she answered her own question. “Like the one of the blue synthetic hairs left at the last scene and the question why human goo called Ben Gay was used to grease the window tracts so the window wouldn’t squeak……oh, and why the Yuppies.”
“The Yuppies I think is pretty easy to answer.” said Asha. “They’re humans whose behavior irritates other humans due to things called pastels and being rich or some other such human nonsense.”
“I think it’s more than that. I think the killer is picking Yuppies for a more personal reason.” BabyGirl thought out loud.
“Yeah, that’s one of the things BabyGirl and I talked about on our way up here. There has got to be a personal reason for the Yuppies being singled out, like they’ve been wronged by a Yuppie in their life, can’t get rid of it and kill the others to feel better.” said Asa.
“You’ve been reading too many of your Granny’s stories.” Asha scolded Asa lightly , “Stuff like that only happens in humans imaginations.”
“Not necessarily.” Began Cecil, “From all I’ve heard on the news, that’s what the police and FBI and other such Human organization are saying, too. It’s the clues that are baffling them. They’re looking into some human they think wanted to be a Yuppie, but couldn’t do it, so he’s mad and killing other Yuppies. But, I don’t think they’re on the right track….”
“Because of the synthetic blue hair and ben gay, right?” asked Asha.
“Yeah, because of the synthetic blue hair and the ben gay. Also found was makeup powder and at one crime scene a message was left in turquoise eye shadow.” Cecil said knowledgably.
“It sounds more like that teacher my Granny had when she was in the 3rd grade she’s told me about before, Mrs. Hanf. She was an old lady with way too much powder on her face, blue hair and turquoise eye shadow. Mrs. Hanf also had bright red lipstick, too. Was lipstick found anywhere in any of the 12 crime scenes?” Asa offered and asked.
“Hmmm….” Cecil pondered, “No lipstick found that I can recall.”
“Well, if Mrs Hanf is the killer, where do we find her?” Asked BabyGirl logically.
“I think she died forever ago since Granny is so old now herself and it happened when she was a little girl.” Asa enlightened.
“So, you think we’re looking for an old lady?” Asked Asha thoughtfully.
“Yeah.” said Cecil simply.
“So, were do we find a crazy old lady?” asked Asha again.
“Well, Edgar Allan was once owned by a hair dresser lady. Lots of old ladies go to hair dressers to make their hair nice and blue.” Asa offered as a starting point.
“Well, there are those senior centers, too.” offered BabyGirl.
“We need a place that has yuppies AND old ladies.” said Cecil. “We should go to the crime scenes and see if we can see anything the police missed.”
“Good idea, since if I sit in this nice warm sun puddle much longer I’m going to need a nap!” said Asha with a huge yawn and an even larger stretch.
The Feathered Four took flight and headed East to Augusta, Maine. When they finally arrived a few hours later they alighted in a pine tree in the back yard of the scene of the first murder near a bird feeder.
“Well, I do hate old stale wild bird seed, but my tummy is saying otherwise. Join me ladies?” Asked Cecil and he filled his tummy with the feeders offerings.
“Totally disgusting, Cecil!!” said Asha and she dove into the feeders offerings, too.
“I think this is budgie seed, not wild seed.” said Asa, also with a beak full.
“You guys are pathetic!” said BabyGirl with a roll of her eyes as she picked at a pine cone hanging near her face.
After the quick snack Asa went up to the house and easily popped the storm window latch and then the latch holding the window closed, “Come on, lets go in and look around.”
The Feathered Four entered the dimly lit house and began to waddle around on the floor, each figuring that it would be a clue on the floor that the tall humans would miss due to being so high up. They searched under the beds, dressers and in the nooks and crannies of each closet and found nothing but dust bunnies.
“I HATE dust bunnies in my feathers!” muttered Asha and BabyGirl at the same time.
“Hey, Asa, under here!” called Cecil from under the china cabinet in the dining room.
“What did you find Cecil?” asked Asa as she flattened herself a little to fit under the china cabinet.
“A piece of paper and it seems to be stuck, too. I need help so I don’t rip it and ruin the clue.” he explained.
“It’s hooked on a staple.” explained Asa as she reached for the staple used to hold the bottom of the china cabinet together and pulled.
“Wait! If that staple is holding this cabinet together, won’t we be buried alive down here if you pull that out?” asked Cecil.
“No, humans have to use a lot of staples and nails to get their things to stay together. My Grandpa has built a jungle gym for us, and when my Daddy pulled one nail pulled out and the jungle gym it didn’t fall apart and is still fine. Pull out more than one and then you’re in trouble.” Asa explained as she pulled just one corner of the staple loose, just in case she was wrong, and dislodged the corner of the paper Cecil had found.
“So, what’s the paper say, Asa?” asked BabyGirl as she preened the last of the dust bunnies out of her lush emerald green feathers.
“Just a sec, let me flatten out the paper.” Asa responded as she tried, with a bit of help from Cecil and Asha. “Ok, this is what it says: “Asa began as she translated the human writing for her fellow crime fighters. “Thank you for baby sitting my Stormy Knight. Please accept these Oatmeal Raisin Cookies as a token of my gratefulness for all you did for my baby girl. And, then it’s signed Edith Jean.” Asa ended.
“Well, I’ve heard some funny human names before, but ‘Stormy Knight’? That’s a really weird one!” said BabyGirl.
Asha caught Asa examining a corner of the note so closely that it was only a quarter inch from the tip of her beak, “Do you see something else?” asked Asha.
“Yeah, a munch mark from a bird.” Asa said softly as if speaking louder would make the evidence disappear.
“Munch mark?” asked Cecil and he joined Asa a quarter inch from the note paper clue.
“Yeah, that’s how my Granny has us sign our names on birthday cards and letters she writes. It looks to me like Stormy Knight is a bird, not a person.”
“So, we’ve got an old lady killing yuppies by luring them into her trap with a bird?!” Asha asked totally astonished.
“We need to contact the Underground for a Stormy Knight.” Said BabyGirl.
“Why don’t we just check the humans address book for someone named Edith Jean?” asked Asha, thinking logically. “My Dad always keeps important humans to contact in his address book….or on his computer.”
“Party-Pooper!” said BabyGirl, who often got word out to the hundreds of other birds she knew via the Underground to let them know of her latest ‘social gathering’.
Asa and Asha headed for the little secretary style desk located across the room from the china cabinet and Cecil and BabyGirl headed for the little office they’d searched earlier for clues for the computer they’d seen sitting there.
After just a few minutes of searching the four met back in the middle of the dining room, Asa and Asha both carrying a medium sized purple, green and pink striped address book in their beaks and Cecil and BabyGirl each with a corner of a one page print out in their beaks.
“Whatcha find?” Asked Cecil to Asha and Asa as he dropped his corner of the printout onto the floor.
“We found Edith Jean.” Asha began.
“She lives at 1298 Truly Circle.” Asa finished for Asha.
“We found a map in the computer next to her name in the computers address book.” Said Cecil.
“I really think we ought to call in Knuckles and have her meet us at this address. Knuckles is just a bit of extra muscle against anything we may find. Plus, she takes that Sam Spade thing very seriously.” suggested BabyGirl.
“Good idea! And, then there is Buddy, an African Grey that lives in Wall, New Jersey. He’s a master of disguise, too and he’s been all over the world!” said Asa “Oh, and it’s ‘Samantha Spade’.” she quickly added.
“Yeah, put a call in, Asa and Cecil, to Knuckles and Buddy ask them to meet us at 1298 Truly Circle.” said Asha.
“Yeah, ‘Samantha Spade’.” Cecil chuckled.
With calls made the Feathered Four headed out to Edith Jeans house just a few miles down the road and began surveillance. From one of the lower branches on the maple tree in 1298 Truly Circle’s backyard the Feathered Four huddled closely together, hoping that Cecils light blue feathers wouldn’t be seen. Asha and BabyGirls’s lush emerald green feathers blended in nicely with the leaves of the maple tree and Asa’s cinnamon brown feathers blended in with nearly everything. Through the open kitchen window the Feather Four heard and saw a human soap opera of sorts unfold before them:
“But Biff, Reginald and I didn’t have an affair!” Tiffany whined to her husband.
“Then what were the two of you doing in bed together?” Biff queried. Biff was a 30 something man with his chiseled frame currently ensconced in a pastel pink Izod shirt with a white cable knit sweater draped over his shoulder with the sleeves tied loosely around his neck and a pair of white Docker slacks encasing his muscular legs.
“Reginald was in the bed and I was standing beside it. Reginald is one of the owners of Lord Pimlym Furniture and he came over to test the bed frame. I told him of the creaking we were hearing last night. He’d climbed onto the bed to see if he could make it creak, that’s all.” Tiffany whined at her husband as she grabbed her tennis racket and gym bag and headed for the front door. As she reached for the door knob, she turned to her husband Biff and added in an icy cold tone of voice, “Think what you wish, nothing happened. Don’t forget to feed Mother and that bird of hers. We don’t need the authorities knocking on our door again.”
“I’m not feeding Mother any of our good food! The old bitty doesn’t deserve it!” Biff ranted to his wife.
“There’s some old bread and gelatinous peanut butter in the pantry, give Mother that and be sure to give her a cup of water and the bird some seed, too.” his wife screeched back icily and she closed the door behind her and headed off for her tennis lesson at the Country Club.
“Can’t believe we’re saddled with this old bitty! Why can’t we just lock her away in some home somewhere?! Or why can’t Tiffany’s sister take her!” Biff continued to rant under his breath as he carried a tray of two old PB and J sandwiches, a bowl of bird seed, and two small glasses of tap water to the locked door at the end of the hallway. Biff honestly had nothing personal against Tiffany’s mother; it just wasn’t good for his image as a CEO at MaylarTech to be playing nursemaid to the senior citizen. “Edith Jean.” Biff cooed as he undid the dead bolt to the master bedroom door and carried in the tray of stale offerings. “I have your breakfast and your lunch here for you and Stormy Knight.” He concluded in a tone normally reserved for communicating with two year old children as he put the full tray down on the little patio table that served as Edith Jean’s dining room. Then, without a further word, Biff left the room, dead bolting it behind him.
“Why did my precious Tiffany marry that dolt?” Edith Jean asked her Indian Ringneck Parakeet, Stormy Knight. “He’s so mean to us! Just look at what he brought us to eat, rotting food! My mother provided better meals for the fifteen of us during the Great Depression!” Edith Jean said as she flipped one of the sandwiches over, checking for both mold and poison before flopping it back down on the dirty plate. “No worries Stormy, we’ll go out for breakfast at Denny’s. That Chef Bart is such a nice guy, giving us a table in the storage room so we can eat together. I wish Tiffany had married him instead of Biff.” Edith Jean ended as she extracted a key from the depths of her brassiere.
Stormy Knight twittered and warbled for Edith Jean happily.
“Yes, after a good breakfast we’ll head over to that house on Thayer. That guy I think works at Biff’s business. We’ll take care of him next. It’ll be fun. Maybe, just maybe, Biff will fear for his life, leave my precious Tiffany, and we’ll be done with him once and for all. Maybe we can even get Tiffany to marry Chef Bart?”
Stormy Knight warbled and puffed up within the confines of her small cage, conveying to her owner a dark but happy thought.
“Well, you’re right. This is getting a bit messy. I can’t believe I had to waste my Ben Gay to get that window open at that last place. People just don’t respect what they’ve got. They take such poor care of all they’ve been blessed with.” Edith Jean rambled on, going off onto a tangent, before turning around and continuing her original thought, “If this next one doesn’t scare Biff into leaving Tiffany for his safety, then we’ll just have to go after Biff, himself.”
Stormy Knight chirped and tweeted.
“Yeah, I hate to hurt my precious Tiffany like that, but we just can’t keep living like this. Maybe with Biff gone we can move to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I’ve heard all sorts of nice things about the senior facilities there.”
Stormy Knight twittered and warbled the strains of a minuet for Edith Jean which put a smile on the elderly lady’s wrinkled, but well made up face as she toddled precariously to the dead bolted door, stuck the key she’d extracted from her brassiere into the dead bolt, and turned it…..
Just then Buddy and Knuckles showed up and alighted on the same branch the Feathered Four currently were occupying.
“What’s going on?” asked Knuckles.
“Did you request the master of disguise, too?” Buddy asked with a snicker.
“Have you two heard about the Yuppie Murders?” Cecil began and then continued by explaining all that he knew and the Feathered Four had found over their relatively short time on the case. “We need the two of you to follow the old human named Edith Jean and see where she goes. Your grey feathers are much more suited for tailing a human than ours are. We don’t know if this is the Yuppie killer or not, but we need to find out.” Cecil concluded.
“What’ll you guys do?” asked Knuckles
“BabyGirl pilfered the cell phones of the humans that live here. You take one and we’ll take the other. Cecil and Asa already programmed them both so all you have to do is bite the number 1 button and it’ll automatically dial us. Keep us updated and we won’t be too far behind you.” explained Asha.
“Yeah, you follow Edith Jean and we follow you, but from far enough away that we won’t be seen and so that if you need to call us the phone ringing won’t alert any humans to our presence.” Asa clarified.
So, the now six feathered crime fighters sat on the maple branch and waited, but not for long. About an hour after the Yuppies had left an elderly lady with blue hair, turquoise eye shadow and bright red lipstick schemered on her lips and cheeks appeared with a too small of a bird cage in her right hand that was barely housing an Indian Ringneck parakeet. The elderly lady toddled precariously on her varicose vein covered legs as she grabbed her purse in her free hand and toddled out the front door.
“We’re off!” whispered Knuckles and she and Buddy took flight over the roof of the house and toward the front yard.
“We’re off, too!” said Asha as she and the Feathered Four took flight a short 3 minutes later and headed over the roof of the house to the front yard and then to the left and down the street.
“Are you sure we’re headed the right way?” asked BabyGirl to no one in particular as Knuckles and Buddy were long gone and nowhere in sight.
“Yeah, we’re going the right way. Just follow Asa, her Daddy is leading us.” Asha answered as she nodded in the direction of a faint ghostly blur flying just in front of Asa.
They flew with Asa in the lead, for nearly 20 minutes before Asa steered them onto the metal faux Spanish tile roof of a little bungalow. “They’re across the street, in that Victorian house.” whispered Asa to Asha, who’d just landed next to her.
“We just wait for Knuckles to call?” asked Cecil.
“Yeah, we wait.” responded Asa.
Meanwhile, inside the Victorian house Knuckes and Buddy continued to shadow Edith Jean and the Indian Ringneck parakeet she was still carrying in the miniature gilded cage.
“Thank you so much Deary for watching my Stormy Knight for me. I will be back in two days to pick her up. Do you have any questions on how to take care of her?” Edith Jean asked the thirty something man in the pastel blue Izod shirt and white Docker slacks.
“No Nanna, I don’t have any questions. Stormy Knight is a very beautiful little girl. I look forward to getting to know her better.” the thirty something man answered in a tone of voice that most men used when trying to humor a woman.
“Ok Deary, then I’ll be off to my Senior Ladies weekend retreat.” Edith Jean twittered as she kissed the man on the cheek and toddled out of the house.
“If she’s leaving, how is she going to kill the yuppie guy?” asked Buddy.
“Good question.” answered Knuckles, equally as baffled at the most recent turn of events. “But, I think we should stay here and watch the yuppie guy either way. She may come back.”
“Yeah, you go call the Feathered Four and I’ll go put on one of my disguises. I’m thinking rag doll, since he’s got several on that shelf up there.” Buddy began as he nodded toward the shelf of rag dolls just above the living room fire place. “I’ll be able to see into all the rooms fairly clearly but the kitchen, which I’ll only be able to see the middle of from up there. After the call, go into the kitchen and hide up on top of the fridge, it should give you a good view of what I can’t see. We’ll whistle as our signal if we see something. That yuppie guy will assume it’s the bird, ok?” Buddy instructed as he began to waddle in the direction of the living room fire place.
After the call to the Feathered Four the plan was put into motion. Asa broke into one of the upstairs ducts into the attic, which allowed the other three crime fighters to enter the Victorian home unseen and unheard by the homes occupants. Cecil took up guard in the yuppie’s bedroom as he matched the wall paint nearly perfectly. Asha hid behind a stack of books in the upstairs library and BabyGirl hid in the pile of clean but not yet folded laundry in the laundry room.
The rest of the afternoon went by as any other. The yuppie guy went about his normal routine of a bit of cleaning before preparing his dinner. Buddy, who was cleverly disguised as a rag doll on the fire place mantel, nearly gave himself away with a sneeze when the yuppie guy dusted him. Knuckles, the expert private eye she was, managed to duck into one of the buckets of cereal when yuppie guy began dusting a bit too closely to her hiding place.
With cleaning done, and Knuckles tummy happily almost too full, the yuppie guy began preparing his dinner of a Marie Calenders chicken fried steak, gravy, mashed potatoes and corn frozen dinner. It was then something odd happened.
The yuppie guy went over to Stormy Knights cage to give her a bit of fresh apple for her dinner. He opened her door to put the apple slice in and Stormy Knight flew out of her cage and began screaming hysterically as she flew in circles around the yuppie guy. Upon hearing the commotion, the Feathered Four left their posts and headed down the stairs oh-so cautiously and silently. They arrived in the kitchen just in time to witness Stormy Knight flying strait at the yuppie guys head.
“The cell phone!” Asha whispered almost too loudly. “It has a camera on it, Cecil, you make it work!”
With Asa’s help, Cecil opened the flip phone and bit the cameras shutter button as hard as he could. One picture after another the camera dutifully captured the outrageous scene that unfolded before everyone’s eyes, both feathered and human. Stormy Knight continued to circle and dive bomb the yuppie guy, forcing him to back up for his own protection. He kept backing up until he bumped into the kitchen counter and suddenly dropped dead.
Stormy Knight, her job expertly and precisely completed, screeched one last time before heading back into her cage, closing and latching her own door behind her. Too stunned to move for a moment the Feathered Four, Knuckles and Buddy remained in their places. Then, just as Buddy was about to come out of hiding, they heard the front door open. The Feathered Four quickly ducked behind the trash can so as not to be seen by whoever just entered the house. Knuckles once again ducked into the cereal bucket while Buddy continued to pretend to be a rag doll on the fireplace mantel.
“Is Nanna’s little baby girl all done with her job?” asked Edith Jean.
Stormy Knight fluffed her feathers as her way of saying a very proud ‘yes’.
“That’s Nanna’s little angel.” Edith Jean cooed to the Indian ringneck parakeet and she picked up the cage and toddled out the front door on unstable varicose vein covered legs.
“What on earth just happened?” asked Knuckes as she peeked out of the cereal bucket.
“Is the yuppie guy really dead?” asked Buddy as he removed his rag doll disguise and waddled into the kitchen.
“He’s dead alright.” affirmed Asha.
“How?” asked BabyGirl.
“Not a single clue” said Asa
“I just called the police and will leave the cell phone with one of the last pictures on it up on the screen. We’ll have to leave the rest of this case to the humans.” said Cecil.
“Lets go before they arrive.” said Asha and Asa at the same time.