(To see pictures of the kids adventures during this move, I'm posting my pictures on Flickr the pictures will come up on 'thumbnail', click on the word 'details' next to it --by my avatar--and the pictures with descriptions will come up)
The Asha Chronicles Part 15
Birds In Space
Houston, I Think We Have A Problem
By Julie Stilwell and Timothy Graham
The Feathered Friends had been very busy lately helping out their fellow birds as well as their human friends and they felt the need for a vacation. The four had gathered at the home of Asha, a blue-font Amazon, in Byron Georgia. They were sitting out on her screen porch, sun bathing and trying to decide where to go to take some well-deserved time off. As usual, they were having a hard time reaching an agreement.
Asa, a cinnamon pearl split to pied cockatiel, had expressed an interest in doing some mountain climbing. The orange-winged Amazon BabyGirl thought that idea was silly since it involved way too much work. She was more interested in taking a sea cruise. The sky blue budgie Cecil (who had more attitude and personality than his little body could contain) thought that a trip to Europe would be fun. As usual, Asha saw that she, as the most forceful personality of the group, would have to make the final decision.
“Look, I have a good friend named Angel who lives in Florida,” she began. “Why don’t we go down there and take some time on the beach and if we feel like taking off for somewhere else, we can.” Asha, the voice of reason, ended.
That idea met everybirdie’s approval and the Four took flight and headed south for a relatively short trip to the Atlantic coast of Florida where Angel, an African Grey, welcomed the four and put on a nice spread of veggies, fruits, and juice. Angel’s house was near the beach and for couple of days the five spent most of their time lying in the sand and flying out over the surf.
On day three of their Florida vacation Asa suggested that they take a tour of the area. They took to the air and began to slowly fly south to see the sights. After about an hour they spotted a strange sight in the distance.
“What is that thing?” asked BabyGirl. “It looks like a big candle.”
“Well, we’ll never figure it out this far away,” said Cecil. “Let’s get closer.”
The five birds flew closer to the object and noticed that there were a large number of humans gathered around it. They seemed to be working on the object for some unknown reason.
“It sure is tall,” said Angel. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Let’s fly up to the top of it and maybe we can figure it out,” suggested BabyGirl and the rest readily agreed.
Soon they were perched on top of the tall object. From their perch they could see for miles all around. Several humans were working around the only doorway into the object. They soon finished what they were doing and walked away down a walkway to a tall structure that was attached to the object.
“Look, they left that door open,” said Asa. “I bet we could get inside.”
“Do you think that is a good idea?” asked Cecil. “What if those humans come back?”
“Quit being such a worry birdie,” said Asha. “Let’s take a look.”
With curiosity having a death grip upon them, the five flew into the object and found a cramped room filled with computers and chairs. Suddenly they heard a sound outside and noticed that several humans in strange clothing were headed towards the door.
“Quick, find somewhere to hide!” said BabyGirl and they scurried towards a small door that led to what appeared to be a closet. They crammed themselves into the closet and shut the door just as the humans began entering the small cramped room.
“I guess we better just wait here until they decide to leave,” said Angel logically. “They might get mad if they see we have sneaked into whatever this thing is.”
The five settled down and played some word games until they got sleepy. Heads under wings and sitting shoulder to shoulder they settled down and took a nap. They were suddenly jolted awake by the sound of a large explosion and a sudden weight descending upon their feathered chests.
“Darn!” said Asha. “It feels like a human has sat on me! What on Earth is going on?”
None of the others were able to answer as they were too busy trying to breathe. But as suddenly as the invisible weight appeared it went away.
“That feels better.” said Asa. “But what is this?” she shouted as she suddenly began floating towards the top of the closet. “I can fly without flapping my wings! It feels like I have no weight whatsoever!”
The five birds were very confused as they tried to orient themselves.
“I don’t think I like this at all,” said Cecil nervously. “First we weigh too much and now we weigh nothing at all. What the heck have we gotten into here?”
“We better try to find those humans and ask them what is going on,” said Asha, once again being the voice of reason.
The five had a hard time getting the door open while weightless but they finally got it open enough for Cecil to slip through. He scouted out the immediate surroundings and reported back to the rest of his flock still secluded in the closet.
“Three of the humans in those strange outfits are sitting in chairs just in front of us,” he said. “Does anyone want to go and talk to them?”
“I’ll go,” Asa volunteered. She slipped out of the closet and tried waddling to the front of the room. It was difficult to walk under the weightless conditions, but she finally figured out how to move forward without flying off towards the ceiling. She eventually got to the front of the room and began using her beak to pull herself up the leg of the human sitting in the front chair.
“Yes Houston, Shuttle Atlantis is a go for final orbital insertion,” the human said. “What was that last question you asked?”
A voice came from out of the air. “Shuttle Atlantis our instruments show that you are about two pounds overweight. Did one of you bring something on board that was not approved?”
“Negative Houston,” the man in the strange uniform said as Asa finally reached the arm of his chair.
“Excuse me sir, could I please ask you a question?” Asa said in her most polite and lady like tone of voice.
“What the heck was that?” the human asked. “Who said that? You all know better than chattering on the radio while we’re doing an orbital insertion!”
“Sorry to disturb you, but I do have an important question,” Asa said as she tried to get the human’s attention by biting on his arm. The material of his clothing was very tough and she was unable to get a good grip on it.
The human finally saw the strange creature on his chair and shouted “What kind of games are you idiots playing! What is this thing? Some kind of new robot?”
“I assure you I am no robot,” Asa said indignantly. “I am a cockatiel and I want to know where I am and how do I get back to Angel’s house. I am quite hungry and am tired of this lack of weight.”
The human was sputtering and stuttering but seemed unable to make a coherent sound. The two other humans sitting nearby were staring at the small brown bird and seemed equally unable to say anything intelligent. The voice named Houston kept asking what was happening but nobody seemed to be paying it any attention. Meanwhile the other birds had decided to leave the closet and join Asa. Asha tried to fly up to where Asa stood but, due to the lack of gravity, overshot her target and landed on a large group of instruments in front of the human. She latched onto a toggle switch and looked back at the room.
“Who is in charge here? We would like to go back to Angel’s house. Can you help us?” Asha asked, also utilizing her best and most lady like manners and tone of voice.
The human in the front chair had finally regained some semblance of composure and asked in a voice full of shock and disbelief, “Are you birds?”
“That would appear to be obvious,” said Asa. “And I suppose you are humans?”
The human ignored Asa’s attempt at sarcasm, “How in heaven’s name did you get here?”
“Well, why don’t you tell us just what ‘here’ is,” said Asha.
“Commander,” broke in one of the other humans. “Are those birds really talking or is this some kind of trick. Is NASA giving us some kooky test or something?”
“I have no idea Simmons,” said the commander. “Look you bird, or whatever you are. This is the Shuttle Atlantis and we are currently 180 miles above the surface of the Earth. We are in the middle of changing our orbit so that we can do repairs on the Hubble Space Telescope. Now, would you kindly tell us what you are doing here?”
“Well, we were on vacation,” said Asa simply. “We saw this big thing and decided to check it out and then all heck broke loose. What is an orbit?”
“Forget that Asa,” said BabyGirl. “Take a look out that window. I don’t think we are in Florida anymore.”
The five birds turned their heads towards a large window in the front of the room and saw the round globe of the planet Earth off in the distance and floating in a sea of blackness.
“Oh Yeah!” said Asha. “This is way cool! I’ve seen this before. Dad watches this stuff all the time!” She turned towards the commander. “You must be Captain Kirk!”
“Captain Kirk?!” the commander shouted. “I’m not Captain Kirk. I’m Commander Smithson.”
“No, really,” said Asha. “This has to be the Enterprise. I’ve seen it on television all the time. Dad’s crazy about this show. Where’s Spock? I like Spock.”
“Simmons, will you please gather these varmits and stow them away somewhere so I can complete our orbital insertion,” the commander said. “I have no idea how I will explain this to Houston.”
The birds went back to their closet without too much trouble after Simmons promised to bring them so food soon. When he left Cecil asked Asha “What is this Captain Kirk stuff? Do you know this guy?”
“Sure,” said Asha. “Like I said Dad watches this stuff all the time. He’s what they call a Treker. You remember those two firemen back in California? This is all a television show about space ships and Klingons and Vulcans.”
“You mean we really aren’t up in a space ship circling the planet?” asked BabyGirl.
“Heck no,” said Asha positively. “How the heck would five birds get on board a spaceship. Those things are huge. They would never allow us to sneak on board one of those things. They’re just filming a television show and we happened to get caught up in it. No problem. I think we ought to go look around. It might be fun.”
“But what about us being weightless,” said Asa. “How do they do that?”
“They can do anything on television,” said Asha with a grin.
“But that guy told us to stay here,” said Cecil. “He is supposed to bring us some food. I’m hungry.”
“Well, maybe we can find it sooner,” said Asha as she headed for the door. “Let’s go!”
The five turned away from the front of the ship and found a stairway leading down. They hung onto the rail and pulled themselves down the stairs. To the right they saw a room with four more humans sitting in chairs. They went in the other direction and found a small room containing a cage with a small monkey in it.
“Hey, it’s a monkey,” said Asa. “I wonder if he can talk?” The five birds tried to get the monkey to talk but he couldn’t say anything. Eventually they were able to get him to understand hand gestures and discovered that he had been loaded on board just before the ship had taken off and he had no idea why he was there or what was going on. He did make it clear that his name was Astro and that he would like to be let out of his cage and Asa took care of that without too much trouble.
“Any idea if where the food is?” Cecil asked astro. The monkey gestured to follow him and he quickly led them to another small room containing boxes of tubes. He took one of the tubes and removed the cap. He squeezed some paste on his hand and licked it with a big smile on his face. He handed the tube to Cecil who squeezed a small amount on one of his talons and took a bite.
“Yuck!” Cecil said with a grimace. “This is awful! Aren’t there any veggies around here?” The birds tried all of the different varieties of the tubes and found none of them worth eating although Astro was having the time of his life squeezing food all over the floor.
“Hey, do you think we’re on television now?” asked BabyGirl as she made an effort to primp her feathers.
“Don’t worry deary, Ben will not be disappointed,” said Asha.
“Well, I just want to look good,” said BabyGirl with a bit of a pout. “We can’t all be Divas and look good all the time!”
“Look, I don’t like being a complainer but I am really hungry,” said Cecil as his tummy rumbled softly. “Do you think there is any way we can get some good food around here?”
“Well, I’m up for a bit of exploring if you guys are. I’ve never been on a television set before.” said Angel as she headed toward a closed door at the far end of the galley.
The five waddle-glided across the floor to the new and mysterious door, upon reaching it, they discovered it was, of course, locked. With a quick jiggle and tug, the Convicts Chick easily unlocked it. Inside stood fresh veggies of all sorts in large glass containers with funny rubber gloves sticking out into the room.
“Why didn’t they just bring us here in the first place?” asked Cecil in an exasperated tone.
“Maybe humans think tubes of goo are better than fresh veggies?” comment Angel.
“Um, there is something funny about those veggies, Cecil.” the voice of reason, Asha, chimed in.
“I don’t see anything wrong with them?” said Cecil with a beak full of rubber glove.
“Um, hate to agree with Asha here, since my tummy is pretty empty, too, but I think she’s right. There’s something not quite right about those veggies.” said Asa, also chiming in as the voice of reason.
But, it was too late. As soon as the air hit the broccoli sample in the case it exploded into a neon green powder. At the exact same moment, out of apparently nowhere, two very large, very black bunny rabbits hopped into the center of the case as the green dust settled, snow-globe style, around them.
“AHHHHHHH!” shouted Cecil as he jumped back hard and fast enough to bump into the wall on the far side of the lab room.
Just then, sensing the possibility of freedom, the bunnies, who were now more green than black, forced their oversized bodies through the opening Cecil had chewed into the rubber glove. It was then that the real chaos began. Bunny One, who like Bunny Two, was completely covered in broccoli dust, hit the floor, left a large green splat, and bounced nearly 6 feet in the air due to the lack of gravity and almost hit Angel in the process. Bunny Two left an equally impressive green splat on the pristine white floor, but only managed a bounce of 4 feet, nicking the tip of Cecils blue tail and leaving a small green smudge.
“Ewwwwwww!!” grimaced Cecil as he shook the green broccoli dust off his tail feathers.
“We’ve got to catch those Bunnies before Captain Kirk finds out!” shouted Asha a bit louder than necessary.
At that moment Astro entered the little lab room and began dancing and playing with the bunnies. It was a mid air ballet that would have made Borishnikov, Abbot and Costello very proud. As Asha swooped this way with the large beaker, Asa swooped that way with an equally as large beaker. Missing Bunny One and Bunny Two, they bumped into one another, sending each other into mid air gravityless loop-dee-loops. Cecil dove like an Eagle after a morsel of fresh fish, hoping to herd Bunny One into the cabinet Angel had just pulled open. Astro, seeing something shiny inside the cabinet, entered it.
“GOT HIM!!!” shouted Angel as she slammed the cabinet door. Asa, lock master extraordinaire, locked the cabinet tight with Astro safely and very securely ensconced inside.
The ballet continued. Asha crashed into BabyGirl, who then was sent floating helplessly backward and then sideways into Asa, who then bumped into Bunny Two, sending it into the glass medicine style cabinet she’d just picked the lock on as Angel held the door open.
“GOT ANOTHER ONE!!!!” shouted Angel as she slammed the glass door closed and Asa locked the still green broccoli powder coated bunny securely inside.
“One more to go!” said Asha obviously as the five feathered friends all dove simultaneously for Bunny One. Seeing it was out numbered, Bunny One ducked into a bread box style experiment station.
“GOT HIM!!!” shouted Cecil as he, Asa, Asha, BabyGirl and Angel all slammed their nearly weightless bodies into the lid at the same time in order to close Bunny One securely into the box. Asa, for the third time in 6 minutes, securely locked another lock.
“Now what?” said Angel, slightly breathlessly.
“We clean up.” said Asa as she began to upright the few containers they’d tipped over.
“It sure would have helped if we knew where on this ship Scotty was! We sure could have used that teleporter of his to get rid of those bunnies!” said Asha as she found a towel and mopped up a bit of spilt water.
With the room looking as it had when they entered, Cecil asked once again to no bird in particular, “You know, I’m still hungry. As a matter of fact, I’m doubly hungry now!”
“You should have just eaten a tube while you had the chance.” said Asa as she found another towel and tried to mop up some of the mess left behind by Astro.
Asha and BabyGirl sat on the back of a chair while Asa, Cecil and Angel finished cleaning up Astros mess as best as they could.
“So, do you really think Scotty is here somewhere with that teleporter machine?” asked Angel.
“He has to be. He works for Captain Kirk and the Federation.” said Asha.
“Well, let’s go ask the Captain where on this ship he is and maybe Scotty can beam us back to Angels house.” said Asa as the five climbed up the stairs and made their way back to the command deck. There they found an obviously angry Commander Smithson talking to an equally angry human on a television screen.
“You are trying to tell me that five birds have somehow stowed away on a space shuttle?” the face on the screen said with sarcasm dripping from his voice.
“That is exactly what I am saying sir,” said the commander. “What should I do about this?”
Ignoring the commander’s question the human on the screen continued his rant “And not only are they birds they are talking birds who think you are Captain Kirk from Star Trek?”
“That is true, sir,” Smithson said in a quiet voice. “Again, what should I do about this?”
“I would suggest you quit smoking whatever it is you have been smoking and call me back when you sober up,” shouted the human in the screen. “Either that or declare yourself unfit for service and put Simmons on!”
“Simmons, will you please tell the General about the birds,” Smithson said with a sigh as he turned his face from the General on the screen to the astronaut on his right.
“No need to go to the trouble” Asha said as she glided to the front of the cabin. “Hey General, what is the title of this episode and where the heck is Scotty? Maybe he can just beam us back to Angels house with the teleporter. If it’s not too much trouble.” Asha added quickly.
The human in the viewscreen looked at Asha as if she were a snake that had just jumped out of his breakfast cereal. He tried to speak a couple of times but was unable to. He looked offscreen and said “Will the rest of you take a look at this and please tell me I am crazy and the shuttle is not infested with talking birds?”
“What is the big deal?” asked Cecil. “You all act like you’ve never heard of talking parrots before. Where are all the cameras? We want to look good for the close-ups.”
“How in heaven’s name did you all get on my shuttle?” the general shouted.
“We walked in the door,” said Angel. “It wasn’t that hard. Were we not supposed to do that? We’re sorry if we’ve caused a problem.”
“Well, I’m going to cause a problem if I don’t get something good to eat and soon!” said Cecil who could contain himself no longer.
“Commander, would you please remove those creatures from the command deck while I go and talk to the President,” the General said. “And while you are at it, why don’t you find your guests something to eat?”
Commander Smithson herded the birds back down to the galley where they found the cases of empty food tubes exactly where the five had left them and still empty. The Commander made it clear that all the food they had was in those tubes. He made the birds promise not to leave the room until he returned and went back up the ladder to face the wrath of the General.
“This is awful,” said Cecil. “I want to go back to Angel’s where we can get some good food.”
“I agree,” said Angel. “Where is that door we came in through?”
The birds climbed back up the ladder and found the entry door but discovered it was securely locked.
“Well, Convicts Chick, do your magic,” said Cecil with a gentlemanly bow.
Despite her best efforts, Asa was unable to get the door to open. “It looks like we are stuck here,” she finally said slightly breathless. “I guess we’ve got to wait until they finish filming this episode before we can go home.”
“What a vacation!” said Cecil sarcastically as he tossed his head back and flapped his wings ever so slightly.
The five decided to wander onto the command deck yet again and see what was happening with the show. They saw that Commander Smithson was again in a discussion with the General.
“The President has agreed that it would be best for us to keep this bird incident as quiet as possible,” said the General. “Lock those creatures somewhere that they won’t cause any trouble and get on with the mission. That telescope has to be repaired or NASA will be in for a public relations disaster that will probably affect our funding. Do I make myself quite clear?”
“Quite,” the Commander said. “Quite. OK, Simmons you have shown yourself totally unable to control those birds why don’t you give it a try Sanchez. Pack them into a storage chute and lock it tight. I don’t want to see or hear anything from them until we are back at Kennedy.”
The third human on the control deck stood up and made his way towards the birds.
“Do we fight or do we give in?” asked Angel.
“Let’s go along with them for now,” said Asha. “If we have to, Asa can get us out.”
The five birds meekly went along with Sanchez who placed them back into the storage chute they had endured during liftoff. They settled in for a long wait and spent the time playing games and napping. Angel got to know the other birds better and they came to enjoy the company of the Grey. After what seemed like an eternity, Asha suggested that Asa give the door lock a try. It didn’t take the well-named Convicts Chick very long to open the door. The five quietly exited and headed for the command deck to see what was going on. Once again, they found the Commander in a discussion with the General.
“We’ve taken four space walks General and it all comes down to one fact,” the Commander began. “The tool that we needed to fix the telescope was broken by accident. It is required for the very exacting work we have to do to make the repairs and without it we cannot do the job. Nothing else is small enough to get into the guts of the telescope. I’m sorry, but we can’t do a thing.”
“Don’t give up so easily Captain,” said Asha as she rushed to the front of the room. “We can’t let those dirty Klingons win that easily! I’ve got just what you need to do the job.”
“What the heck is that crazy bird talking about?” roared the General.
“I thought I told you to lock them away!’ roared the Commander to Sanchez.
“And I thought you were a hero Captain!” roared Asha three octaves higher than any of the three humans. “I guess I was wrong. Maybe Picard was the better Captain!”
“Wait a second!” shouted Sanchez. “I won’t sit here and let you say Picard was a better Captain than Kirk. That bald idiot was nothing more than a glorified diplomat.”
“Sanchez, have you lost your mind?” shouted the General.
“Wait a second,” said the Commander. “What did you mean when you said you have what we need to do the job?”
“Finally,” said Asha with a deep sigh and pity that humans had a tendency to be so slow at getting the point of things. “My friend Asa here is an expert at manipulating things in close quarters. All you have to do is fix her up a cockatiel-sized space suit, tell her what you need done and she’ll do the job.”
“You aren’t planning on listening to that idiot are you Commander?” asked the General.
“Right now, I’d listen to anybody,” said the Commander. “Sanchez, see about fitting this bird into a space suit and let’s get out there and finish this job.”
After some quick costume work and some instructions from the other astronauts, Asa went on the first-ever parrot space walk. The other birds watched on the monitor screen as she slipped into the innards of the telescope and easily made the necessary repairs.
“You know these new Hi-Def sets make it look almost real,” Asha said with amazement.
“You know what,” said BabyGirl. “I’m beginning to think it is real.”
“Are you trying to tell me you believe that we are really hundreds of miles above the Earth’s surface in a space craft while Asa is walking around in outer space repairing a million dollar telescope?”
“I guess you’re right,” said BabyGirl. “I just hope they tell us when this episode will air on tv.”
“Yeah, I want Mom to make a copy of it,” said Cecil, with a hint of pride in his voice.
The remainder of the mission went pretty smoothly after Asa completed the repairs. The shuttle returned to Earth uneventfully, stopping at the far end of the runway so the birds could be released away from the prying eyes of the press.
“I want to thank you for all you did for NASA and your country,” the President told the five birds after the landing. “I would appreciate it if you kept this entire incident a secret. But if you ever need anything, you can call on us.”
The five slipped out the door and flew back to Angel’s house where they dove into a huge meal of fresh vegetables and fruit. When they were finally finished they gathered in a nearby tree to discuss the previous few days.
“You know, they almost had me believing the whole thing was real,” said Asha. “But I knew it was television when I saw the guy they called the president. I swear he was the guy who played ‘Q’ in the Next Generation.”
“Well, real or not, it was fun!” said Asa.
Yeah, you got to keep that little space suit,” pouted Cecil. “You get all the good toys.”
Showing posts with label short story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label short story. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Have Granola Bar Will Travel
Yesterday was the BIG day. The day the kids cages get scrubbed within an inch of their paint, the toys get cinched down to the bars, perches get anchored so they can't shift, seed catchers get removed, and cages get wheeled out of the room to be covered with tarps which are then secured in place with lots of bungee cords.
Well, AsaMina, my 'perfectly normal' Grandbirdie, sat, yes SAT on her pine cone for 3 days and 1500 miles in the back seat of Hubby's bouncy Chevy Blazer. Yeah, everyones bottom but AsaMina's got sore from watching her sit on that pine cone the whole trip! Well, three times I did have to tell AsaMina, who'd finally given her bottom and feet a break and gotten off the pine cone, that it wasn't nice to sit on her little sister. AsaMina had apparently gotten either bored or uncomfortable with the pine cone and opted for a softer place to sit--her little sister. No Precious wasn't obliging, nor happy with her big sisters decision and swore at her, fortunately in cockatiel, not English.
But Wait!
...I don't put in the pine cones till just before we leave so they'll last the trip. So, AsaMina, my resident Einstein, opted for the next best thing, a birdie granola bar I'd just put in her and Worthington's cage. She climbed up on it, got comfortable, and glared at me, "Grandma, I'm ready. Let's go!"
Miracles do happen! Three days past her due date, on the third day of Hanukkah December 13, 2001 at precisely 5:43am AsaMina Sura popped out of her shell and goosed Rowena Rose in the bottom causing her to leap a good 60 feet in the air inside the tiny nest box. She didn't think the egg would hatch either.
Precious was egg number four. The rest of the eggs were sterile.
So, my Grandbirdies are the result of a jail break. Momma Bird, Rowena Rose, in an unrelated incident, was nicknamed Jail Bird due to her weird habit of running her beak back and forth across her cage bars like the prisoners do in the old movies with tin cups. A friend of mine, knowing AsaMina's story of being, nicknamed her The Convicts Chick. I think that makes me The Bird Lady of Arkansas....er....'Alcatraz'?
The kids? What about the kids! The poor little angels also get packed. But, obviously not in their big cages! They get uncerimoniously stuffed into their travel cages, where they'll live till we get to Washington. They have to make sure they can get around, are eating and drinking so as not to give me grey hair (or more grey hair as the case may be), and feel as comfortable as they can in such a small space.
Each has their own travel cage except Double Trouble. AsaMina and Worthington are sharing air space. They're still processing this concept. AsaMina whacked Worthington with her tail last night and startled him. Both have thier own seperate big cages and this is their first time sharing air space. It's been interesting: "Worthington Israel Wentworth!!!! LEAVE ASAMINA'S TAIL AHH-LONE!!!!" "ASAMINA SURA SARAH!!!! [she knows she's in trouble if 'Sarah', the English translation of her 'Sura', is tacked onto the end of her name] QUIT BREATHING ON YOUR BROTHER!!!!" And, thus far it's been over 24 hours they've been confined together. Hopefully it'll get smoother as they are stuck together till we get to Washington.
What about the granola bar? Well, that's a story and a half......
Four years ago, this June 1, we moved from New Hampshire to Arkansas. AsaMina shared air space with her biological little sister Precious (who we lost to an unbelievably massive egg July 2006) . As they've got now, back then they also had several perches with lots of toys all cinched down with zip ties to keep them from swinging around, and each got a special treat normally reserved for Christmas morning, a Sunseed parrot pine cone. A pine cone stuffed to the gills [I think pine cones have gills, don't they?] with special parrot seed, dried friuts and dried veggies. My kids just LOVE these pine cones and look forward to them every year. They were thrilled to get them for the car ride back in 2004, too.
Well, AsaMina, my 'perfectly normal' Grandbirdie, sat, yes SAT on her pine cone for 3 days and 1500 miles in the back seat of Hubby's bouncy Chevy Blazer. Yeah, everyones bottom but AsaMina's got sore from watching her sit on that pine cone the whole trip! Well, three times I did have to tell AsaMina, who'd finally given her bottom and feet a break and gotten off the pine cone, that it wasn't nice to sit on her little sister. AsaMina had apparently gotten either bored or uncomfortable with the pine cone and opted for a softer place to sit--her little sister. No Precious wasn't obliging, nor happy with her big sisters decision and swore at her, fortunately in cockatiel, not English.
So, here it is, May 11, 2008, and once again AsaMina finds herself packed into her travel cage, her entire room in boxes and elsewhere (their room is nearly empty at this point). She remembers the move from 4 years ago (no question about that), and since she's packed, the room is packed, she was ready to go.....
But Wait!
Where's my pine cone!!!!
...I don't put in the pine cones till just before we leave so they'll last the trip. So, AsaMina, my resident Einstein, opted for the next best thing, a birdie granola bar I'd just put in her and Worthington's cage. She climbed up on it, got comfortable, and glared at me, "Grandma, I'm ready. Let's go!"
And, for those who don't know the story:
Why I'm "Grandma" to AsaMina and "Mom" to the other 4 Muska-Tiels
Back in 2001, the last birthday gift my Grandparents G&G gave me was Rowena Rose
, a beautiful month and a half old Lutino tiel. Rowena Rose was paired up with my Buddie Moose and the pair lived happily ever after......sort of. June 18, 2001 I lost April-Moana, R.B. Birds biological sister to age. I gave R.B. Bird a popcicle stick toy to keep him occupied and busy and hopefully not missing his sister too much. Well, Rowena Rose saw this toy from the cage she shared with Buddie next door and Just HAD to have it!!! She was about 8 months old at this point and female tiels don't mature till they're 2 years old [this part will make lots of sense in a moment]. Rowena Rose spent 2 months doing all she could to figure out how to get out of her cage and over to that toy. She had no interest in R.B. Bird and was happily bonded to Buddie. On a cold New Hampshire early November day, Rowena Rose figured it out. She popped the lock on her cage and tentitively, but excitedly let herself out. (I am watching all this oh-so intently, just in case she needed rescuing from herself). Rowena Rose crossed the three inch gap between her cage and R.B. Birds and let herself in, uninvited, into his cage. R.B. Birds door was open as long as I was home because he stayed put if I asked him to. I'm now o
n the edge of my seat, positive R.B. Bird wouldn't appreciate the Yellow Alien entering his cage. Rowena Rose went right to the irrisistable toy and for the very first time 'assumed the position' beneith it. Now, she was just 10 months old at this point and what she was doing honestly meant nothing more than "Hi, I'm Rowena Rose and I've been dying to meet you!" R.B. Bird, on the other hand, being exactly 10 years and 4 days older than Rowena Rose, knew exactly what she was doing and went after her. [barely on edge of seat now. More in 'mid-leap and rescue' pose] So, Rowena Rose 'got' the toy and R.B. Bird 'got' Rowena Rose. At two months shy of turning 11 years old, R.B. Bird couldn't produce babies. Rowena Rose wasn't old enough to produce babies. Thanksgiving day we had egg! Then, every other day till there was six of them! Well, no way are any of these gonna hatch, she's not old enough and he's too old....
Miracles do happen! Three days past her due date, on the third day of Hanukkah December 13, 2001 at precisely 5:43am AsaMina Sura popped out of her shell and goosed Rowena Rose in the bottom causing her to leap a good 60 feet in the air inside the tiny nest box. She didn't think the egg would hatch either.
Precious was egg number four. The rest of the eggs were sterile.
So, my Grandbirdies are the result of a jail break. Momma Bird, Rowena Rose, in an unrelated incident, was nicknamed Jail Bird due to her weird habit of running her beak back and forth across her cage bars like the prisoners do in the old movies with tin cups. A friend of mine, knowing AsaMina's story of being, nicknamed her The Convicts Chick. I think that makes me The Bird Lady of Arkansas....er....'Alcatraz'?
Thursday, March 13, 2008
The Asha Chronicles Part 12
Ah, Cary Grant in Arsnic and Old Lace, one of my all time favorites! Ok, this is the 12th Episode of the Asha Chronicles, not Arsnic and Old Lace.......or is it?
The Asha Chronicles Part 12
Stormy Dark Knight
by Julie Stilwell and Tim Graham
February 28, 2008
“Glad you got my message, “said Cecil to Asha, Asa and BabyGirl as the Feathered Four assembled in a sun puddle on the roof of Cecils apartment building.
“We all saw the news report, too. Another what the humans call a Yuppie murdered. BabyGirl and I went over what we each remembered from the news on our way up here.” began Asa. She lived in Arkansas and BabyGirl lived in Missouri, just north of her. The two members of the Feathered Four had flown side by side to Cecils home in northwestern New York.
“Dad’s had on the sports and ESPN, not the news, so I don’t know too much, just that 12 Yuppie’s have been murdered. What do you know that we don’t Cecil?” asked Asha.
“Mostly I just have ideas.” Cecil began as he shifted his weight in the little puddle of sunshine he was perched upon. “My Mom and Dad have had the news on a lot lately even thought the murders are taking place in Augusta, Maine and not here. I’ve been listening closely to what the news has to say and I think there are some clues the police aren’t looking into that we should look into so no more humans die.”
“Like what clues?” asked Asa before she answered her own question. “Like the one of the blue synthetic hairs left at the last scene and the question why human goo called Ben Gay was used to grease the window tracts so the window wouldn’t squeak……oh, and why the Yuppies.”
“The Yuppies I think is pretty easy to answer.” said Asha. “They’re humans whose behavior irritates other humans due to things called pastels and being rich or some other such human nonsense.”
“I think it’s more than that. I think the killer is picking Yuppies for a more personal reason.” BabyGirl thought out loud.
“Yeah, that’s one of the things BabyGirl and I talked about on our way up here. There has got to be a personal reason for the Yuppies being singled out, like they’ve been wronged by a Yuppie in their life, can’t get rid of it and kill the others to feel better.” said Asa.
“You’ve been reading too many of your Granny’s stories.” Asha scolded Asa lightly , “Stuff like that only happens in humans imaginations.”
“Not necessarily.” Began Cecil, “From all I’ve heard on the news, that’s what the police and FBI and other such Human organization are saying, too. It’s the clues that are baffling them. They’re looking into some human they think wanted to be a Yuppie, but couldn’t do it, so he’s mad and killing other Yuppies. But, I don’t think they’re on the right track….”
“Because of the synthetic blue hair and ben gay, right?” asked Asha.
“Yeah, because of the synthetic blue hair and the ben gay. Also found was makeup powder and at one crime scene a message was left in turquoise eye shadow.” Cecil said knowledgably.
“It sounds more like that teacher my Granny had when she was in the 3rd grade she’s told me about before, Mrs. Hanf. She was an old lady with way too much powder on her face, blue hair and turquoise eye shadow. Mrs. Hanf also had bright red lipstick, too. Was lipstick found anywhere in any of the 12 crime scenes?” Asa offered and asked.
“Hmmm….” Cecil pondered, “No lipstick found that I can recall.”
“Well, if Mrs Hanf is the killer, where do we find her?” Asked BabyGirl logically.
“I think she died forever ago since Granny is so old now herself and it happened when she was a little girl.” Asa enlightened.
“So, you think we’re looking for an old lady?” Asked Asha thoughtfully.
“Yeah.” said Cecil simply.
“So, were do we find a crazy old lady?” asked Asha again.
“Well, Edgar Allan was once owned by a hair dresser lady. Lots of old ladies go to hair dressers to make their hair nice and blue.” Asa offered as a starting point.
“Well, there are those senior centers, too.” offered BabyGirl.
“We need a place that has yuppies AND old ladies.” said Cecil. “We should go to the crime scenes and see if we can see anything the police missed.”
“Good idea, since if I sit in this nice warm sun puddle much longer I’m going to need a nap!” said Asha with a huge yawn and an even larger stretch.
The Feathered Four took flight and headed East to Augusta, Maine. When they finally arrived a few hours later they alighted in a pine tree in the back yard of the scene of the first murder near a bird feeder.
“Well, I do hate old stale wild bird seed, but my tummy is saying otherwise. Join me ladies?” Asked Cecil and he filled his tummy with the feeders offerings.
“Totally disgusting, Cecil!!” said Asha and she dove into the feeders offerings, too.
“I think this is budgie seed, not wild seed.” said Asa, also with a beak full.
“You guys are pathetic!” said BabyGirl with a roll of her eyes as she picked at a pine cone hanging near her face.
After the quick snack Asa went up to the house and easily popped the storm window latch and then the latch holding the window closed, “Come on, lets go in and look around.”
The Feathered Four entered the dimly lit house and began to waddle around on the floor, each figuring that it would be a clue on the floor that the tall humans would miss due to being so high up. They searched under the beds, dressers and in the nooks and crannies of each closet and found nothing but dust bunnies.
“I HATE dust bunnies in my feathers!” muttered Asha and BabyGirl at the same time.
“Hey, Asa, under here!” called Cecil from under the china cabinet in the dining room.
“What did you find Cecil?” asked Asa as she flattened herself a little to fit under the china cabinet.
“A piece of paper and it seems to be stuck, too. I need help so I don’t rip it and ruin the clue.” he explained.
“It’s hooked on a staple.” explained Asa as she reached for the staple used to hold the bottom of the china cabinet together and pulled.
“Wait! If that staple is holding this cabinet together, won’t we be buried alive down here if you pull that out?” asked Cecil.
“No, humans have to use a lot of staples and nails to get their things to stay together. My Grandpa has built a jungle gym for us, and when my Daddy pulled one nail pulled out and the jungle gym it didn’t fall apart and is still fine. Pull out more than one and then you’re in trouble.” Asa explained as she pulled just one corner of the staple loose, just in case she was wrong, and dislodged the corner of the paper Cecil had found.
“So, what’s the paper say, Asa?” asked BabyGirl as she preened the last of the dust bunnies out of her lush emerald green feathers.
“Just a sec, let me flatten out the paper.” Asa responded as she tried, with a bit of help from Cecil and Asha. “Ok, this is what it says: “Asa began as she translated the human writing for her fellow crime fighters. “Thank you for baby sitting my Stormy Knight. Please accept these Oatmeal Raisin Cookies as a token of my gratefulness for all you did for my baby girl. And, then it’s signed Edith Jean.” Asa ended.
“Well, I’ve heard some funny human names before, but ‘Stormy Knight’? That’s a really weird one!” said BabyGirl.
Asha caught Asa examining a corner of the note so closely that it was only a quarter inch from the tip of her beak, “Do you see something else?” asked Asha.
“Yeah, a munch mark from a bird.” Asa said softly as if speaking louder would make the evidence disappear.
“Munch mark?” asked Cecil and he joined Asa a quarter inch from the note paper clue.
“Yeah, that’s how my Granny has us sign our names on birthday cards and letters she writes. It looks to me like Stormy Knight is a bird, not a person.”
“So, we’ve got an old lady killing yuppies by luring them into her trap with a bird?!” Asha asked totally astonished.
“We need to contact the Underground for a Stormy Knight.” Said BabyGirl.
“Why don’t we just check the humans address book for someone named Edith Jean?” asked Asha, thinking logically. “My Dad always keeps important humans to contact in his address book….or on his computer.”
“Party-Pooper!” said BabyGirl, who often got word out to the hundreds of other birds she knew via the Underground to let them know of her latest ‘social gathering’.
Asa and Asha headed for the little secretary style desk located across the room from the china cabinet and Cecil and BabyGirl headed for the little office they’d searched earlier for clues for the computer they’d seen sitting there.
After just a few minutes of searching the four met back in the middle of the dining room, Asa and Asha both carrying a medium sized purple, green and pink striped address book in their beaks and Cecil and BabyGirl each with a corner of a one page print out in their beaks.
“Whatcha find?” Asked Cecil to Asha and Asa as he dropped his corner of the printout onto the floor.
“We found Edith Jean.” Asha began.
“She lives at 1298 Truly Circle.” Asa finished for Asha.
“We found a map in the computer next to her name in the computers address book.” Said Cecil.
“I really think we ought to call in Knuckles and have her meet us at this address. Knuckles is just a bit of extra muscle against anything we may find. Plus, she takes that Sam Spade thing very seriously.” suggested BabyGirl.
“Good idea! And, then there is Buddy, an African Grey that lives in Wall, New Jersey. He’s a master of disguise, too and he’s been all over the world!” said Asa “Oh, and it’s ‘Samantha Spade’.” she quickly added.
“Yeah, put a call in, Asa and Cecil, to Knuckles and Buddy ask them to meet us at 1298 Truly Circle.” said Asha.
“Yeah, ‘Samantha Spade’.” Cecil chuckled.
With calls made the Feathered Four headed out to Edith Jeans house just a few miles down the road and began surveillance. From one of the lower branches on the maple tree in 1298 Truly Circle’s backyard the Feathered Four huddled closely together, hoping that Cecils light blue feathers wouldn’t be seen. Asha and BabyGirls’s lush emerald green feathers blended in nicely with the leaves of the maple tree and Asa’s cinnamon brown feathers blended in with nearly everything. Through the open kitchen window the Feather Four heard and saw a human soap opera of sorts unfold before them:
“But Biff, Reginald and I didn’t have an affair!” Tiffany whined to her husband.
“Then what were the two of you doing in bed together?” Biff queried. Biff was a 30 something man with his chiseled frame currently ensconced in a pastel pink Izod shirt with a white cable knit sweater draped over his shoulder with the sleeves tied loosely around his neck and a pair of white Docker slacks encasing his muscular legs.
“Reginald was in the bed and I was standing beside it. Reginald is one of the owners of Lord Pimlym Furniture and he came over to test the bed frame. I told him of the creaking we were hearing last night. He’d climbed onto the bed to see if he could make it creak, that’s all.” Tiffany whined at her husband as she grabbed her tennis racket and gym bag and headed for the front door. As she reached for the door knob, she turned to her husband Biff and added in an icy cold tone of voice, “Think what you wish, nothing happened. Don’t forget to feed Mother and that bird of hers. We don’t need the authorities knocking on our door again.”
“I’m not feeding Mother any of our good food! The old bitty doesn’t deserve it!” Biff ranted to his wife.
“There’s some old bread and gelatinous peanut butter in the pantry, give Mother that and be sure to give her a cup of water and the bird some seed, too.” his wife screeched back icily and she closed the door behind her and headed off for her tennis lesson at the Country Club.
“Can’t believe we’re saddled with this old bitty! Why can’t we just lock her away in some home somewhere?! Or why can’t Tiffany’s sister take her!” Biff continued to rant under his breath as he carried a tray of two old PB and J sandwiches, a bowl of bird seed, and two small glasses of tap water to the locked door at the end of the hallway. Biff honestly had nothing personal against Tiffany’s mother; it just wasn’t good for his image as a CEO at MaylarTech to be playing nursemaid to the senior citizen. “Edith Jean.” Biff cooed as he undid the dead bolt to the master bedroom door and carried in the tray of stale offerings. “I have your breakfast and your lunch here for you and Stormy Knight.” He concluded in a tone normally reserved for communicating with two year old children as he put the full tray down on the little patio table that served as Edith Jean’s dining room. Then, without a further word, Biff left the room, dead bolting it behind him.
“Why did my precious Tiffany marry that dolt?” Edith Jean asked her Indian Ringneck Parakeet, Stormy Knight. “He’s so mean to us! Just look at what he brought us to eat, rotting food! My mother provided better meals for the fifteen of us during the Great Depression!” Edith Jean said as she flipped one of the sandwiches over, checking for both mold and poison before flopping it back down on the dirty plate. “No worries Stormy, we’ll go out for breakfast at Denny’s. That Chef Bart is such a nice guy, giving us a table in the storage room so we can eat together. I wish Tiffany had married him instead of Biff.” Edith Jean ended as she extracted a key from the depths of her brassiere.
Stormy Knight twittered and warbled for Edith Jean happily.
“Yes, after a good breakfast we’ll head over to that house on Thayer. That guy I think works at Biff’s business. We’ll take care of him next. It’ll be fun. Maybe, just maybe, Biff will fear for his life, leave my precious Tiffany, and we’ll be done with him once and for all. Maybe we can even get Tiffany to marry Chef Bart?”
Stormy Knight warbled and puffed up within the confines of her small cage, conveying to her owner a dark but happy thought.
“Well, you’re right. This is getting a bit messy. I can’t believe I had to waste my Ben Gay to get that window open at that last place. People just don’t respect what they’ve got. They take such poor care of all they’ve been blessed with.” Edith Jean rambled on, going off onto a tangent, before turning around and continuing her original thought, “If this next one doesn’t scare Biff into leaving Tiffany for his safety, then we’ll just have to go after Biff, himself.”
Stormy Knight chirped and tweeted.
“Yeah, I hate to hurt my precious Tiffany like that, but we just can’t keep living like this. Maybe with Biff gone we can move to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I’ve heard all sorts of nice things about the senior facilities there.”
Stormy Knight twittered and warbled the strains of a minuet for Edith Jean which put a smile on the elderly lady’s wrinkled, but well made up face as she toddled precariously to the dead bolted door, stuck the key she’d extracted from her brassiere into the dead bolt, and turned it…..
Just then Buddy and Knuckles showed up and alighted on the same branch the Feathered Four currently were occupying.
“What’s going on?” asked Knuckles.
“Did you request the master of disguise, too?” Buddy asked with a snicker.
“Have you two heard about the Yuppie Murders?” Cecil began and then continued by explaining all that he knew and the Feathered Four had found over their relatively short time on the case. “We need the two of you to follow the old human named Edith Jean and see where she goes. Your grey feathers are much more suited for tailing a human than ours are. We don’t know if this is the Yuppie killer or not, but we need to find out.” Cecil concluded.
“What’ll you guys do?” asked Knuckles
“BabyGirl pilfered the cell phones of the humans that live here. You take one and we’ll take the other. Cecil and Asa already programmed them both so all you have to do is bite the number 1 button and it’ll automatically dial us. Keep us updated and we won’t be too far behind you.” explained Asha.
“Yeah, you follow Edith Jean and we follow you, but from far enough away that we won’t be seen and so that if you need to call us the phone ringing won’t alert any humans to our presence.” Asa clarified.
So, the now six feathered crime fighters sat on the maple branch and waited, but not for long. About an hour after the Yuppies had left an elderly lady with blue hair, turquoise eye shadow and bright red lipstick schemered on her lips and cheeks appeared with a too small of a bird cage in her right hand that was barely housing an Indian Ringneck parakeet. The elderly lady toddled precariously on her varicose vein covered legs as she grabbed her purse in her free hand and toddled out the front door.
“We’re off!” whispered Knuckles and she and Buddy took flight over the roof of the house and toward the front yard.
“We’re off, too!” said Asha as she and the Feathered Four took flight a short 3 minutes later and headed over the roof of the house to the front yard and then to the left and down the street.
“Are you sure we’re headed the right way?” asked BabyGirl to no one in particular as Knuckles and Buddy were long gone and nowhere in sight.
“Yeah, we’re going the right way. Just follow Asa, her Daddy is leading us.” Asha answered as she nodded in the direction of a faint ghostly blur flying just in front of Asa.
They flew with Asa in the lead, for nearly 20 minutes before Asa steered them onto the metal faux Spanish tile roof of a little bungalow. “They’re across the street, in that Victorian house.” whispered Asa to Asha, who’d just landed next to her.
“We just wait for Knuckles to call?” asked Cecil.
“Yeah, we wait.” responded Asa.
Meanwhile, inside the Victorian house Knuckes and Buddy continued to shadow Edith Jean and the Indian Ringneck parakeet she was still carrying in the miniature gilded cage.
“Thank you so much Deary for watching my Stormy Knight for me. I will be back in two days to pick her up. Do you have any questions on how to take care of her?” Edith Jean asked the thirty something man in the pastel blue Izod shirt and white Docker slacks.
“No Nanna, I don’t have any questions. Stormy Knight is a very beautiful little girl. I look forward to getting to know her better.” the thirty something man answered in a tone of voice that most men used when trying to humor a woman.
“Ok Deary, then I’ll be off to my Senior Ladies weekend retreat.” Edith Jean twittered as she kissed the man on the cheek and toddled out of the house.
“If she’s leaving, how is she going to kill the yuppie guy?” asked Buddy.
“Good question.” answered Knuckles, equally as baffled at the most recent turn of events. “But, I think we should stay here and watch the yuppie guy either way. She may come back.”
“Yeah, you go call the Feathered Four and I’ll go put on one of my disguises. I’m thinking rag doll, since he’s got several on that shelf up there.” Buddy began as he nodded toward the shelf of rag dolls just above the living room fire place. “I’ll be able to see into all the rooms fairly clearly but the kitchen, which I’ll only be able to see the middle of from up there. After the call, go into the kitchen and hide up on top of the fridge, it should give you a good view of what I can’t see. We’ll whistle as our signal if we see something. That yuppie guy will assume it’s the bird, ok?” Buddy instructed as he began to waddle in the direction of the living room fire place.
After the call to the Feathered Four the plan was put into motion. Asa broke into one of the upstairs ducts into the attic, which allowed the other three crime fighters to enter the Victorian home unseen and unheard by the homes occupants. Cecil took up guard in the yuppie’s bedroom as he matched the wall paint nearly perfectly. Asha hid behind a stack of books in the upstairs library and BabyGirl hid in the pile of clean but not yet folded laundry in the laundry room.
The rest of the afternoon went by as any other. The yuppie guy went about his normal routine of a bit of cleaning before preparing his dinner. Buddy, who was cleverly disguised as a rag doll on the fire place mantel, nearly gave himself away with a sneeze when the yuppie guy dusted him. Knuckles, the expert private eye she was, managed to duck into one of the buckets of cereal when yuppie guy began dusting a bit too closely to her hiding place.
With cleaning done, and Knuckles tummy happily almost too full, the yuppie guy began preparing his dinner of a Marie Calenders chicken fried steak, gravy, mashed potatoes and corn frozen dinner. It was then something odd happened.
The yuppie guy went over to Stormy Knights cage to give her a bit of fresh apple for her dinner. He opened her door to put the apple slice in and Stormy Knight flew out of her cage and began screaming hysterically as she flew in circles around the yuppie guy. Upon hearing the commotion, the Feathered Four left their posts and headed down the stairs oh-so cautiously and silently. They arrived in the kitchen just in time to witness Stormy Knight flying strait at the yuppie guys head.
“The cell phone!” Asha whispered almost too loudly. “It has a camera on it, Cecil, you make it work!”
With Asa’s help, Cecil opened the flip phone and bit the cameras shutter button as hard as he could. One picture after another the camera dutifully captured the outrageous scene that unfolded before everyone’s eyes, both feathered and human. Stormy Knight continued to circle and dive bomb the yuppie guy, forcing him to back up for his own protection. He kept backing up until he bumped into the kitchen counter and suddenly dropped dead.
Stormy Knight, her job expertly and precisely completed, screeched one last time before heading back into her cage, closing and latching her own door behind her. Too stunned to move for a moment the Feathered Four, Knuckles and Buddy remained in their places. Then, just as Buddy was about to come out of hiding, they heard the front door open. The Feathered Four quickly ducked behind the trash can so as not to be seen by whoever just entered the house. Knuckles once again ducked into the cereal bucket while Buddy continued to pretend to be a rag doll on the fireplace mantel.
“Is Nanna’s little baby girl all done with her job?” asked Edith Jean.
Stormy Knight fluffed her feathers as her way of saying a very proud ‘yes’.
“That’s Nanna’s little angel.” Edith Jean cooed to the Indian ringneck parakeet and she picked up the cage and toddled out the front door on unstable varicose vein covered legs.
“What on earth just happened?” asked Knuckes as she peeked out of the cereal bucket.
“Is the yuppie guy really dead?” asked Buddy as he removed his rag doll disguise and waddled into the kitchen.
“He’s dead alright.” affirmed Asha.
“How?” asked BabyGirl.
“Not a single clue” said Asa
“I just called the police and will leave the cell phone with one of the last pictures on it up on the screen. We’ll have to leave the rest of this case to the humans.” said Cecil.
“Lets go before they arrive.” said Asha and Asa at the same time.
The Asha Chronicles Part 12
Stormy Dark Knight
by Julie Stilwell and Tim Graham
February 28, 2008
“Glad you got my message, “said Cecil to Asha, Asa and BabyGirl as the Feathered Four assembled in a sun puddle on the roof of Cecils apartment building.
“We all saw the news report, too. Another what the humans call a Yuppie murdered. BabyGirl and I went over what we each remembered from the news on our way up here.” began Asa. She lived in Arkansas and BabyGirl lived in Missouri, just north of her. The two members of the Feathered Four had flown side by side to Cecils home in northwestern New York.
“Dad’s had on the sports and ESPN, not the news, so I don’t know too much, just that 12 Yuppie’s have been murdered. What do you know that we don’t Cecil?” asked Asha.
“Mostly I just have ideas.” Cecil began as he shifted his weight in the little puddle of sunshine he was perched upon. “My Mom and Dad have had the news on a lot lately even thought the murders are taking place in Augusta, Maine and not here. I’ve been listening closely to what the news has to say and I think there are some clues the police aren’t looking into that we should look into so no more humans die.”
“Like what clues?” asked Asa before she answered her own question. “Like the one of the blue synthetic hairs left at the last scene and the question why human goo called Ben Gay was used to grease the window tracts so the window wouldn’t squeak……oh, and why the Yuppies.”
“The Yuppies I think is pretty easy to answer.” said Asha. “They’re humans whose behavior irritates other humans due to things called pastels and being rich or some other such human nonsense.”
“I think it’s more than that. I think the killer is picking Yuppies for a more personal reason.” BabyGirl thought out loud.
“Yeah, that’s one of the things BabyGirl and I talked about on our way up here. There has got to be a personal reason for the Yuppies being singled out, like they’ve been wronged by a Yuppie in their life, can’t get rid of it and kill the others to feel better.” said Asa.
“You’ve been reading too many of your Granny’s stories.” Asha scolded Asa lightly , “Stuff like that only happens in humans imaginations.”
“Not necessarily.” Began Cecil, “From all I’ve heard on the news, that’s what the police and FBI and other such Human organization are saying, too. It’s the clues that are baffling them. They’re looking into some human they think wanted to be a Yuppie, but couldn’t do it, so he’s mad and killing other Yuppies. But, I don’t think they’re on the right track….”
“Because of the synthetic blue hair and ben gay, right?” asked Asha.
“Yeah, because of the synthetic blue hair and the ben gay. Also found was makeup powder and at one crime scene a message was left in turquoise eye shadow.” Cecil said knowledgably.
“It sounds more like that teacher my Granny had when she was in the 3rd grade she’s told me about before, Mrs. Hanf. She was an old lady with way too much powder on her face, blue hair and turquoise eye shadow. Mrs. Hanf also had bright red lipstick, too. Was lipstick found anywhere in any of the 12 crime scenes?” Asa offered and asked.
“Hmmm….” Cecil pondered, “No lipstick found that I can recall.”
“Well, if Mrs Hanf is the killer, where do we find her?” Asked BabyGirl logically.
“I think she died forever ago since Granny is so old now herself and it happened when she was a little girl.” Asa enlightened.
“So, you think we’re looking for an old lady?” Asked Asha thoughtfully.
“Yeah.” said Cecil simply.
“So, were do we find a crazy old lady?” asked Asha again.
“Well, Edgar Allan was once owned by a hair dresser lady. Lots of old ladies go to hair dressers to make their hair nice and blue.” Asa offered as a starting point.
“Well, there are those senior centers, too.” offered BabyGirl.
“We need a place that has yuppies AND old ladies.” said Cecil. “We should go to the crime scenes and see if we can see anything the police missed.”
“Good idea, since if I sit in this nice warm sun puddle much longer I’m going to need a nap!” said Asha with a huge yawn and an even larger stretch.
The Feathered Four took flight and headed East to Augusta, Maine. When they finally arrived a few hours later they alighted in a pine tree in the back yard of the scene of the first murder near a bird feeder.
“Well, I do hate old stale wild bird seed, but my tummy is saying otherwise. Join me ladies?” Asked Cecil and he filled his tummy with the feeders offerings.
“Totally disgusting, Cecil!!” said Asha and she dove into the feeders offerings, too.
“I think this is budgie seed, not wild seed.” said Asa, also with a beak full.
“You guys are pathetic!” said BabyGirl with a roll of her eyes as she picked at a pine cone hanging near her face.
After the quick snack Asa went up to the house and easily popped the storm window latch and then the latch holding the window closed, “Come on, lets go in and look around.”
The Feathered Four entered the dimly lit house and began to waddle around on the floor, each figuring that it would be a clue on the floor that the tall humans would miss due to being so high up. They searched under the beds, dressers and in the nooks and crannies of each closet and found nothing but dust bunnies.
“I HATE dust bunnies in my feathers!” muttered Asha and BabyGirl at the same time.
“Hey, Asa, under here!” called Cecil from under the china cabinet in the dining room.
“What did you find Cecil?” asked Asa as she flattened herself a little to fit under the china cabinet.
“A piece of paper and it seems to be stuck, too. I need help so I don’t rip it and ruin the clue.” he explained.
“It’s hooked on a staple.” explained Asa as she reached for the staple used to hold the bottom of the china cabinet together and pulled.
“Wait! If that staple is holding this cabinet together, won’t we be buried alive down here if you pull that out?” asked Cecil.
“No, humans have to use a lot of staples and nails to get their things to stay together. My Grandpa has built a jungle gym for us, and when my Daddy pulled one nail pulled out and the jungle gym it didn’t fall apart and is still fine. Pull out more than one and then you’re in trouble.” Asa explained as she pulled just one corner of the staple loose, just in case she was wrong, and dislodged the corner of the paper Cecil had found.
“So, what’s the paper say, Asa?” asked BabyGirl as she preened the last of the dust bunnies out of her lush emerald green feathers.
“Just a sec, let me flatten out the paper.” Asa responded as she tried, with a bit of help from Cecil and Asha. “Ok, this is what it says: “Asa began as she translated the human writing for her fellow crime fighters. “Thank you for baby sitting my Stormy Knight. Please accept these Oatmeal Raisin Cookies as a token of my gratefulness for all you did for my baby girl. And, then it’s signed Edith Jean.” Asa ended.
“Well, I’ve heard some funny human names before, but ‘Stormy Knight’? That’s a really weird one!” said BabyGirl.
Asha caught Asa examining a corner of the note so closely that it was only a quarter inch from the tip of her beak, “Do you see something else?” asked Asha.
“Yeah, a munch mark from a bird.” Asa said softly as if speaking louder would make the evidence disappear.
“Munch mark?” asked Cecil and he joined Asa a quarter inch from the note paper clue.
“Yeah, that’s how my Granny has us sign our names on birthday cards and letters she writes. It looks to me like Stormy Knight is a bird, not a person.”
“So, we’ve got an old lady killing yuppies by luring them into her trap with a bird?!” Asha asked totally astonished.
“We need to contact the Underground for a Stormy Knight.” Said BabyGirl.
“Why don’t we just check the humans address book for someone named Edith Jean?” asked Asha, thinking logically. “My Dad always keeps important humans to contact in his address book….or on his computer.”
“Party-Pooper!” said BabyGirl, who often got word out to the hundreds of other birds she knew via the Underground to let them know of her latest ‘social gathering’.
Asa and Asha headed for the little secretary style desk located across the room from the china cabinet and Cecil and BabyGirl headed for the little office they’d searched earlier for clues for the computer they’d seen sitting there.
After just a few minutes of searching the four met back in the middle of the dining room, Asa and Asha both carrying a medium sized purple, green and pink striped address book in their beaks and Cecil and BabyGirl each with a corner of a one page print out in their beaks.
“Whatcha find?” Asked Cecil to Asha and Asa as he dropped his corner of the printout onto the floor.
“We found Edith Jean.” Asha began.
“She lives at 1298 Truly Circle.” Asa finished for Asha.
“We found a map in the computer next to her name in the computers address book.” Said Cecil.
“I really think we ought to call in Knuckles and have her meet us at this address. Knuckles is just a bit of extra muscle against anything we may find. Plus, she takes that Sam Spade thing very seriously.” suggested BabyGirl.
“Good idea! And, then there is Buddy, an African Grey that lives in Wall, New Jersey. He’s a master of disguise, too and he’s been all over the world!” said Asa “Oh, and it’s ‘Samantha Spade’.” she quickly added.
“Yeah, put a call in, Asa and Cecil, to Knuckles and Buddy ask them to meet us at 1298 Truly Circle.” said Asha.
“Yeah, ‘Samantha Spade’.” Cecil chuckled.
With calls made the Feathered Four headed out to Edith Jeans house just a few miles down the road and began surveillance. From one of the lower branches on the maple tree in 1298 Truly Circle’s backyard the Feathered Four huddled closely together, hoping that Cecils light blue feathers wouldn’t be seen. Asha and BabyGirls’s lush emerald green feathers blended in nicely with the leaves of the maple tree and Asa’s cinnamon brown feathers blended in with nearly everything. Through the open kitchen window the Feather Four heard and saw a human soap opera of sorts unfold before them:
“But Biff, Reginald and I didn’t have an affair!” Tiffany whined to her husband.
“Then what were the two of you doing in bed together?” Biff queried. Biff was a 30 something man with his chiseled frame currently ensconced in a pastel pink Izod shirt with a white cable knit sweater draped over his shoulder with the sleeves tied loosely around his neck and a pair of white Docker slacks encasing his muscular legs.
“Reginald was in the bed and I was standing beside it. Reginald is one of the owners of Lord Pimlym Furniture and he came over to test the bed frame. I told him of the creaking we were hearing last night. He’d climbed onto the bed to see if he could make it creak, that’s all.” Tiffany whined at her husband as she grabbed her tennis racket and gym bag and headed for the front door. As she reached for the door knob, she turned to her husband Biff and added in an icy cold tone of voice, “Think what you wish, nothing happened. Don’t forget to feed Mother and that bird of hers. We don’t need the authorities knocking on our door again.”
“I’m not feeding Mother any of our good food! The old bitty doesn’t deserve it!” Biff ranted to his wife.
“There’s some old bread and gelatinous peanut butter in the pantry, give Mother that and be sure to give her a cup of water and the bird some seed, too.” his wife screeched back icily and she closed the door behind her and headed off for her tennis lesson at the Country Club.
“Can’t believe we’re saddled with this old bitty! Why can’t we just lock her away in some home somewhere?! Or why can’t Tiffany’s sister take her!” Biff continued to rant under his breath as he carried a tray of two old PB and J sandwiches, a bowl of bird seed, and two small glasses of tap water to the locked door at the end of the hallway. Biff honestly had nothing personal against Tiffany’s mother; it just wasn’t good for his image as a CEO at MaylarTech to be playing nursemaid to the senior citizen. “Edith Jean.” Biff cooed as he undid the dead bolt to the master bedroom door and carried in the tray of stale offerings. “I have your breakfast and your lunch here for you and Stormy Knight.” He concluded in a tone normally reserved for communicating with two year old children as he put the full tray down on the little patio table that served as Edith Jean’s dining room. Then, without a further word, Biff left the room, dead bolting it behind him.
“Why did my precious Tiffany marry that dolt?” Edith Jean asked her Indian Ringneck Parakeet, Stormy Knight. “He’s so mean to us! Just look at what he brought us to eat, rotting food! My mother provided better meals for the fifteen of us during the Great Depression!” Edith Jean said as she flipped one of the sandwiches over, checking for both mold and poison before flopping it back down on the dirty plate. “No worries Stormy, we’ll go out for breakfast at Denny’s. That Chef Bart is such a nice guy, giving us a table in the storage room so we can eat together. I wish Tiffany had married him instead of Biff.” Edith Jean ended as she extracted a key from the depths of her brassiere.
Stormy Knight twittered and warbled for Edith Jean happily.
“Yes, after a good breakfast we’ll head over to that house on Thayer. That guy I think works at Biff’s business. We’ll take care of him next. It’ll be fun. Maybe, just maybe, Biff will fear for his life, leave my precious Tiffany, and we’ll be done with him once and for all. Maybe we can even get Tiffany to marry Chef Bart?”
Stormy Knight warbled and puffed up within the confines of her small cage, conveying to her owner a dark but happy thought.
“Well, you’re right. This is getting a bit messy. I can’t believe I had to waste my Ben Gay to get that window open at that last place. People just don’t respect what they’ve got. They take such poor care of all they’ve been blessed with.” Edith Jean rambled on, going off onto a tangent, before turning around and continuing her original thought, “If this next one doesn’t scare Biff into leaving Tiffany for his safety, then we’ll just have to go after Biff, himself.”
Stormy Knight chirped and tweeted.
“Yeah, I hate to hurt my precious Tiffany like that, but we just can’t keep living like this. Maybe with Biff gone we can move to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I’ve heard all sorts of nice things about the senior facilities there.”
Stormy Knight twittered and warbled the strains of a minuet for Edith Jean which put a smile on the elderly lady’s wrinkled, but well made up face as she toddled precariously to the dead bolted door, stuck the key she’d extracted from her brassiere into the dead bolt, and turned it…..
Just then Buddy and Knuckles showed up and alighted on the same branch the Feathered Four currently were occupying.
“What’s going on?” asked Knuckles.
“Did you request the master of disguise, too?” Buddy asked with a snicker.
“Have you two heard about the Yuppie Murders?” Cecil began and then continued by explaining all that he knew and the Feathered Four had found over their relatively short time on the case. “We need the two of you to follow the old human named Edith Jean and see where she goes. Your grey feathers are much more suited for tailing a human than ours are. We don’t know if this is the Yuppie killer or not, but we need to find out.” Cecil concluded.
“What’ll you guys do?” asked Knuckles
“BabyGirl pilfered the cell phones of the humans that live here. You take one and we’ll take the other. Cecil and Asa already programmed them both so all you have to do is bite the number 1 button and it’ll automatically dial us. Keep us updated and we won’t be too far behind you.” explained Asha.
“Yeah, you follow Edith Jean and we follow you, but from far enough away that we won’t be seen and so that if you need to call us the phone ringing won’t alert any humans to our presence.” Asa clarified.
So, the now six feathered crime fighters sat on the maple branch and waited, but not for long. About an hour after the Yuppies had left an elderly lady with blue hair, turquoise eye shadow and bright red lipstick schemered on her lips and cheeks appeared with a too small of a bird cage in her right hand that was barely housing an Indian Ringneck parakeet. The elderly lady toddled precariously on her varicose vein covered legs as she grabbed her purse in her free hand and toddled out the front door.
“We’re off!” whispered Knuckles and she and Buddy took flight over the roof of the house and toward the front yard.
“We’re off, too!” said Asha as she and the Feathered Four took flight a short 3 minutes later and headed over the roof of the house to the front yard and then to the left and down the street.
“Are you sure we’re headed the right way?” asked BabyGirl to no one in particular as Knuckles and Buddy were long gone and nowhere in sight.
“Yeah, we’re going the right way. Just follow Asa, her Daddy is leading us.” Asha answered as she nodded in the direction of a faint ghostly blur flying just in front of Asa.
They flew with Asa in the lead, for nearly 20 minutes before Asa steered them onto the metal faux Spanish tile roof of a little bungalow. “They’re across the street, in that Victorian house.” whispered Asa to Asha, who’d just landed next to her.
“We just wait for Knuckles to call?” asked Cecil.
“Yeah, we wait.” responded Asa.
Meanwhile, inside the Victorian house Knuckes and Buddy continued to shadow Edith Jean and the Indian Ringneck parakeet she was still carrying in the miniature gilded cage.
“Thank you so much Deary for watching my Stormy Knight for me. I will be back in two days to pick her up. Do you have any questions on how to take care of her?” Edith Jean asked the thirty something man in the pastel blue Izod shirt and white Docker slacks.
“No Nanna, I don’t have any questions. Stormy Knight is a very beautiful little girl. I look forward to getting to know her better.” the thirty something man answered in a tone of voice that most men used when trying to humor a woman.
“Ok Deary, then I’ll be off to my Senior Ladies weekend retreat.” Edith Jean twittered as she kissed the man on the cheek and toddled out of the house.
“If she’s leaving, how is she going to kill the yuppie guy?” asked Buddy.
“Good question.” answered Knuckles, equally as baffled at the most recent turn of events. “But, I think we should stay here and watch the yuppie guy either way. She may come back.”
“Yeah, you go call the Feathered Four and I’ll go put on one of my disguises. I’m thinking rag doll, since he’s got several on that shelf up there.” Buddy began as he nodded toward the shelf of rag dolls just above the living room fire place. “I’ll be able to see into all the rooms fairly clearly but the kitchen, which I’ll only be able to see the middle of from up there. After the call, go into the kitchen and hide up on top of the fridge, it should give you a good view of what I can’t see. We’ll whistle as our signal if we see something. That yuppie guy will assume it’s the bird, ok?” Buddy instructed as he began to waddle in the direction of the living room fire place.
After the call to the Feathered Four the plan was put into motion. Asa broke into one of the upstairs ducts into the attic, which allowed the other three crime fighters to enter the Victorian home unseen and unheard by the homes occupants. Cecil took up guard in the yuppie’s bedroom as he matched the wall paint nearly perfectly. Asha hid behind a stack of books in the upstairs library and BabyGirl hid in the pile of clean but not yet folded laundry in the laundry room.
The rest of the afternoon went by as any other. The yuppie guy went about his normal routine of a bit of cleaning before preparing his dinner. Buddy, who was cleverly disguised as a rag doll on the fire place mantel, nearly gave himself away with a sneeze when the yuppie guy dusted him. Knuckles, the expert private eye she was, managed to duck into one of the buckets of cereal when yuppie guy began dusting a bit too closely to her hiding place.
With cleaning done, and Knuckles tummy happily almost too full, the yuppie guy began preparing his dinner of a Marie Calenders chicken fried steak, gravy, mashed potatoes and corn frozen dinner. It was then something odd happened.
The yuppie guy went over to Stormy Knights cage to give her a bit of fresh apple for her dinner. He opened her door to put the apple slice in and Stormy Knight flew out of her cage and began screaming hysterically as she flew in circles around the yuppie guy. Upon hearing the commotion, the Feathered Four left their posts and headed down the stairs oh-so cautiously and silently. They arrived in the kitchen just in time to witness Stormy Knight flying strait at the yuppie guys head.
“The cell phone!” Asha whispered almost too loudly. “It has a camera on it, Cecil, you make it work!”
With Asa’s help, Cecil opened the flip phone and bit the cameras shutter button as hard as he could. One picture after another the camera dutifully captured the outrageous scene that unfolded before everyone’s eyes, both feathered and human. Stormy Knight continued to circle and dive bomb the yuppie guy, forcing him to back up for his own protection. He kept backing up until he bumped into the kitchen counter and suddenly dropped dead.
Stormy Knight, her job expertly and precisely completed, screeched one last time before heading back into her cage, closing and latching her own door behind her. Too stunned to move for a moment the Feathered Four, Knuckles and Buddy remained in their places. Then, just as Buddy was about to come out of hiding, they heard the front door open. The Feathered Four quickly ducked behind the trash can so as not to be seen by whoever just entered the house. Knuckles once again ducked into the cereal bucket while Buddy continued to pretend to be a rag doll on the fireplace mantel.
“Is Nanna’s little baby girl all done with her job?” asked Edith Jean.
Stormy Knight fluffed her feathers as her way of saying a very proud ‘yes’.
“That’s Nanna’s little angel.” Edith Jean cooed to the Indian ringneck parakeet and she picked up the cage and toddled out the front door on unstable varicose vein covered legs.
“What on earth just happened?” asked Knuckes as she peeked out of the cereal bucket.
“Is the yuppie guy really dead?” asked Buddy as he removed his rag doll disguise and waddled into the kitchen.
“He’s dead alright.” affirmed Asha.
“How?” asked BabyGirl.
“Not a single clue” said Asa
“I just called the police and will leave the cell phone with one of the last pictures on it up on the screen. We’ll have to leave the rest of this case to the humans.” said Cecil.
“Lets go before they arrive.” said Asha and Asa at the same time.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
The Asha Chronicles Part 11
Ah the age old 'sports hero' delema. Steriods and lifestyles we really don't want to hear about as we, as humans in general, like to put our hero's up on a pedistal and think they can do no wrong.
Read on to find out how 2 Amazons, 1 Cockatiel, and 1 Budgie, other wise known as The Feathered Friends, deal with this particular issue.....
The Asha Chronicles Part 11
Feet of Clay
February 26, 2008
Julie Stilwell and Timothy Graham
Asha was spending the day doing her favorite thing: napping in the fresh air.
Her Dad had rolled her cage out to their screen porch a couple of hours before and since then she had had been sitting on one of her many perches slipping into and out of sleep. There is one no-fault way you can tell if a parrot is feeling safe and secure: if they stand on their perch on one foot with the other tucked under a wing. Asha was definitely sitting on one leg.
There was only one tiny dark cloud barely on the horizon of her thoughts. Her Daddy’s birthday was coming up and she wanted to get just the PERFECT gift for him. She had racked her brain but couldn’t think of just the right thing. She had tried asking her Momma but she didn’t understand Parrot language and Asha couldn’t talk human to her. Some parrots could communicate with humans in special circumstances, but Asha and her Momma did not click. Anyway, Asha was slightly jealous of her Daddy’s wife, although she would never admit it.
She peeked through the French Doors into her Daddy’s bedroom where he was watching a baseball game on his 50-inch Hi-Def television. Asha knew it had been a gift to him from his wife and that was a spur for her to try to get him something even better!
Asha was able to figure out that his Braves were two runs down in the bottom of the ninth. There were two runners on base and two outs. His favorite player Johnny Flynn was coming to the plate.
“You can do it Johnny,“ her Daddy hollered. “Show those stupid Mets who’s boss!”
Suddenly Asha heard a loud crack and her Daddy jumped into the air and started doing a crazy dance.
“I knew it” he shouted. “We’re in like Flynn! Braves in first place!” He whooped a couple of more times before collapsing back into his chair.
All of a sudden a light went on inside Asha’s green, yellow, and blue feathered head.
“Humans like mementos of their sports heroes,” Asha said to herself. “If I can get Dad something to remind him of this Johnny Flynn guy, he would really appreciate it. That would really show Momma who is the Top Bird around this house!”
Asha waddled to the family computer while her Dad was still doing war dances and watching replays of his hero’s home run. Asha contacted the other three members of the Feathered Friends and asked them to meet her outside Turner Field in Atlanta at the statue of Hank Aaron.
The next morning Asha found herself perched lightly on the bat of Hammerin’ Hank while she waited for her friends to show up. Before long a small, blue Budgie flew up and took his place on the bill of Aaron’s cap.
“How’s it going Cecil,” Asha asked. “Nice day for a ball game isn’t it?”
“I guess so, but I’m more of a football fan. I always thought that if I had been born a human I would be a big defensive lineman,” Cecil said. The words would almost have been hysterically funny since they came from a bird who barely weighed 41 grams. But Cecil had the spirit of a giant and Asha could well imagine him sacking a quarterback.
Next to arrive was BabyGirl. She was an Amazon like Asha and she took station in Hank’s shoulder as she began preening her feathers.
“This is such a dirty city,” BabyGirl complained. “My boyfriend Ben would turn his beak up at me if he saw how filthy I was!”
The final member of the group to make an appearance was a cockatiel named Asa. Asa was a legendary escape artist who could chew her way through concrete. When she took her place beside Asha on Aaron’s bat she stopped her beak a couple of times on the statue and glared at Asha.
“What is this thing made of?” she asked. “I don’t like perching on things I can’t chew through if need be.”
“I think it is something called bronze,” said Asha. “But that is hardly what is at issue here.”
Asha quickly told her friends what her goal was and they agreed to be of any assistance possible, with one caveat.
“Before we do anything I want something to eat,” said Cecil. “What do they have to eat around here?”
“When at the ballpark, you eat hot dogs,” said Asha and the four took wing and headed for the nearest hot dog vendor.
“OK,” said Cecil. “Why don’t we let BabyGirl distract the vendor while the rest of us grab some dogs?”
“I hate to be a wet blanket, but I don’t eat hot dogs. I’m vegan,” said Asa. “Do you think they might have a tofu dog?”
“I think tofu is illegal in the South,” said BabyGirl.
“Don’t worry Miss Fussy, we’ll get you some popcorn,” hissed Asha.
“What about buns and chili?” wailed Cecil. “You can’t eat hot dogs without chili!”
“Only if you want to be as fat as a housecat,” said Asha as Baby Girl took off to provide a distraction. She perched on top of the food cart and, just as the vendor was adding relish to a customer’s wiener, dropped a nice ball of poop onto the dog.
But the customer and the vendor looked around in shock and finally settled their sights on the offending parrot.
“What the heck is going on here!” shouted the customer. “Can’t you keep these damn pigeons from pooping on the food?”
BabyGirl noticed that the customer had taken out his wallet in order to pay for his hot dog, so she swooped down and grabbed the wallet from his hand and flew over to an adjacent popcorn stand.
“Come and Get me!” the parrot shouted as the customer and the hot dog vendor ran in her direction. At that moment the other three parrots landed on the hot dog cart and grabbed a wiener in each claw and quickly took off to return to their perch on top of Hank’s statue. BabyGirl saw that the thievery had been successful, so she dropped the wallet, grabbed some popcorn for Asa, and followed the others.
“That was fun,” Cecil said between bites of his hot dog. “I think stolen food tastes better than any other kind of food, especially when you steal it from humans!”
“Cecil, I’m afraid that our adventures have permanently corrupted you,” laughed Asha as she daintily took bites from her meal. She would take a bite from one end of the wiener, rotate it with her talons, then take a bite from the other end.
“Yum, yum!” she said. “If only they made Cheetos this large!”
The four finished their meal and then cleaned each other’s feathers of any leftover hot dog or popcorn. When done with that Asa asked the question they all had on their mind.
“Well, just how are we going to get this guy to give us anything?” she asked. “And what do we get? I don’t see us hauling a baseball bat all the way back to Byron, no matter how strong Cecil thinks he is.”
“What I was thinking we might do is try to catch him after the game when he is alone and have Cecil tell him what we want. Then he might agree to come down and give Dad some stuff in person,” Asha said. Among the Four, Cecil was the best at communicating with humans in their own language.
“That does have the benefit of being a plan,” said Asa. “Not a good plan, I guess it is a plan. What do we do in the meantime?”
“I guess we watch the ballgame,” Asha said and the four took wing and perched on top of one of the light towers in right field. They finished eating their hot dogs and popcorn as the crowd finished taking their seats and the game got underway. Flynn had three hits and saved the home team’s win jumping high over the right field fence to rob the visitors of a home run. The crowd began leaving the stadium with smiles on their faces as the Four began looking for a way to get into the Braves’ locker room.
They flew down to the Braves’ dugout and saw a large hamper filled with dirty towels and uniforms. They dove into the hamper and dug themselves a cozy cave under the dirty laundry.
“We better get something good out of this,” whispered BabyGirl. “This stinks!”
A young man soon came up and began wheeling the hamper into the depths of the stadium. He pushed the hamper into the Braves’ locker room where it soon became full to overflowing with sweaty-stained jerseys and uniform pants.
After a while Cecil stuck his head out of the pile of dirty laundry and scoped out the situation. He ducked back under cover and reported to the others.
“That Flynn guy just got through talking to some guys with notebooks and cameras,” Cecil said. “They’re getting ready to leave.”
All four of the Friends poked their heads up just in time to see Flynn head through a door with ‘Training Room” written on it. The rest of the locker room was empty so they flew over to the door and looked inside. Asa noticed a window on the wall nearest to where the birds were standing so they flew up to stand on the ledge so they would have a quick escape route in case they needed it.
Flynn was sitting in what the humans called a whirlpool bath and seemed almost asleep.”
“Hey, Cecil,” Asha whispered. “This might be the chance we were looking for.”
Cecil was about to fly down to speak to Flynn when another human suddenly entered the room. Flynn looked up and gestured for the other man to come over to where he was.
“It’s about time you got here Oscar,” Flynn said. “I’m past due for my next shot.”
“Yeah,” said Oscar. “I noticed that that last home run of yours barely left the park. That would have been an out if it wasn’t for a friendly wind.”
“So quit talking and give me the juice before somebody else comes in,” Flynn said as he got out of the whirlpool. Oscar gave the player an injection in his buttocks.
“What do you want me to do about those Macaws you wanted ready for the Bird Show,” asked Oscar. “They still aren’t as big as you wanted them to be.”
“Did you give them the steroids like I told you to?” asked Flynn.
“Of course I did, but they didn’t react well to them so I cut the dosage. I was afraid some of them night die,” said Oscar.
“Idiot!” said Flynn. “We have a dozen of the damn things and all we need to win is one. Double the dosage! I want the Blue Ribbon this year!”
“You’re the boss,” Oscar said as he hurried from the room.
Flynn laughed to himself as he rubbed the injection site.
“And those stupid fans think it is only idiots like Bonds and Clemens on the juice,” he said to himself. “I go them and that fool Vick beat.”
Asha turned to her friends and said quietly, “We need to get out of there fast.”
They flew back to the Aaron statue where Cecil asked, “What were they doing,” he asked. “Was the Flynn guy sick or something?”
“No,” said Asha. “He wasn’t sick. He was taking what the humans call steroids. It helps make them run faster and hit the ball further. They are illegal.”
“You mean your Dad’s hero is breaking the law so he can play better,” asked Asa.
“That’s exactly what I mean,” said Asha quietly.
“Your Dad won’t like it if he finds out about that, will he,” asked BabyGirl. “What are you going to do?”
Asha just looked at her, wiped a tear from her eye with a wing, and said, “I don’t know, I really don’t know.”
“But what was that about giving steroids to those Macaws,” asked Cecil. “Is that illegal too?
“Yes, it is,” said Asha. “This guy is as dirty as they come. I think we are going to need help to take him down. Let’s get back to my place and get in touch with the Underground.”
The four flew back to Byron in silence as each one thought over what they had just seen. It was bad enough for a human to take an illegal drug, but to give it to a helpless animal? They got angrier and angrier until, by the time they got to Asha’s home, they were all ready to sharpen their talons and go after Flynn.
“The first thing we need to do is contact the Underground,” said Asha. “Cecil, you get on my computer and spread the word.”
“Wait,” said Asa. “Didn’t those guys we met in California, Mark and Clyde, join the Underground?”
“Great idea!” said Asha. “Cecil, see if you can get in touch with them and see if they can come here and give us a hand.”
As it turned out, Mark and Clyde were available and agreed to get on the first airplane for Georgia. They met up with the Four Friends at Turner Field. It was decided that Mark and Clyde would follow Flynn to try and try to get some evidence to prove his drug usage. They were armed with a video camera and their reserve deputy badges. The Four Friends would wait until Oscar showed up again and follow him and find out where he was keeping the macaws.
The four parrots took shifts waiting for Oscar to come back to visit Flynn and he finally did three days later. When he got back into his Hummer the four were stashed in the back seat. The drive was about an hour as Oscar stopped the car and parked. Cecil stuck his head up and reported that they were parked outside a small house trailer and there was a barn nearby.
“The barn is probably where the macaws are,” said Asa. “Let’s fan out and approach it from all directions.”
Asha took the northeast quadrant and was able to find a seam between the wooden boards to see the interior of the barn. What she saw horrified her. There were almost thirty large cages, each of which contained a blue-and-gold macaw. The birds seemed to be well cared for but what made Asha stifle a gasp was Oscar reaching into one cage and pulling out the corpse of one of the macaws.
“Damn,” Oscar said. “I told that idiot Flynn that increasing the dosage would kill these birds. This is the fifth one this week to just drop dead. This just isn’t right.”
Asha quickly flew up to the top of the barn and squawked loudly in order to get the attention of her friends. They all few up to where she was.
“Look, I think we might be able to get this guy on our side,” said Asha. “He seems pretty disgusted with what he is having to do. Cecil, I think we’re going to need some of your communication skills.”
Asha outlined her plan and Cecil flew down and sneaked into the front door of the barn and took up a position behind where Oscar was working cleaning out the cage that had held the recently deceased bird.
“Why did you do that to me?” Cecil asked in his best imitation of a ghost.
“What was that?” Oscar shouted as he spun around too late to see Cecil who had hidden inside a ten-gallon feed container. Oscar looked around the barn but couldn’t see the source of the voice. He finally got back to work on the cage when Cecil stuck his head back up and said, “What have we ever done to you?”
Oscar again tried to find the source of the voice and failed. “This dirty job must be getting to me,” he said to himself. “Lord only knows why I agreed to do this. Getting Flynn his steroids is one thing, but this is totally different. I always loved animals.”
Oscar shook his head but went back to work on the cage. Cecil popped up behind him again and said: “Do the right thing. Help us to live.”
Oscar again spun around was too late to catch his tormentor.
“That is just about enough,” he shouted as he tore the gloves off his hands and threw them to the floor. “I don’t have to live this way, “he shouted as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a cell phone.
“Information,” he said. “I want the number for the Atlanta Parrot Rescue Society,”
Cecil flew back out the door and joined his friends on the roof of the barn. He was congratulated all around as the parrot heard Oscar give the rescue society the directions to the barn. They waited until two vans arrived and the rescue personnel began to carry the cages out of the door. Oscar had left by then, but not before they heard him make another call, this one to the Fulton County District Attorney’s office and asking to speak to the person in charge of steroid abuse cases.
The birds returned to the Aaron statue at Turner Field where they found a note from Mark and Clyde asking them to meet them at a motel out in the suburbs. When The Feathered Four got there they found their two human friends watching-what else-a Star Trek episode on their portable DVD player.
“I tell you Clyde,” Mark was saying as the birds walked through the partially open door. “That Kirk is as smooth as molasses. I’d like you to name just one woman who was on that show that Kirk didn’t put the moves on.”
“Spock’s mother,” Clyde said with a laugh.
“Well, aside from her,” Mark said just as he noticed the four parrots standing just inside the door.
“Hey there little buddies,” Clyde said. “How did things go with you?”
“Some of the macaws passed over the Rainbow Bridge before we could save them, but we were able to get the others to safety,” said Asa. “What about your job?”
“Let me show you,” Mark said as he turned off the DVD player and turned on the television set. “ESPN has been running it about every five minutes.”
When the set came on the birds saw a picture of Flynn sitting in a Jacuzzi with a couple of girls flanking him and a drink in one hand and what appeared to be a marijuana cigarette in the other. He was obviously under the influence of something as he bragged to the girls about taking steroids and other drugs and getting away with it by swapping someone else’s urine when he was required to take a drug test.
“How did you get this?” asked Asha.
“Well, those are our girlfriends, Suzie and Elaine,” said Clyde. “They just showed up at Flynn’s place with the camera in a gym bag and he did all the rest.”
The Four Friends thanked Mark and Clyde and began the short flight back to Byron. They exchanged hugs on the roof of Asha’s house and then the other three took off for their respective homes. Asha feared what she was about to face but knew what she had to do. She slipped onto the porch and through the French Doors into her Dad’s bedroom. He was sitting in his chair with his head in his hands while ESPN played the Flynn tape on his television.
Asha flew up to the back of the chair and gently started preening his hair as she softly cooed into his ear.
“Why did he do it?” her Dad said softly. “Why? I thought he was a hero. I’ll never be able to trust anyone like that again.”
Asha jumped down onto her Dad’s lap and started stroking his cheek with her wing as she continued cooing, wishing she could tell him the words that were in her heart. And, all of a sudden she knew that she could.
“You can trust me and all the others who truly love you,” Asha said. “Trust isn’t earned on the baseball field. It is earned here at home.”
The initial look of shock on her Dad’s face was replaced with one of joy and wonder.
“Truer words were never spoken,” he said as he hugged Asha to his chest. “How about I go make some of that spicy popcorn you love.”
Read on to find out how 2 Amazons, 1 Cockatiel, and 1 Budgie, other wise known as The Feathered Friends, deal with this particular issue.....
The Asha Chronicles Part 11
Feet of Clay
February 26, 2008
Julie Stilwell and Timothy Graham
Asha was spending the day doing her favorite thing: napping in the fresh air.
Her Dad had rolled her cage out to their screen porch a couple of hours before and since then she had had been sitting on one of her many perches slipping into and out of sleep. There is one no-fault way you can tell if a parrot is feeling safe and secure: if they stand on their perch on one foot with the other tucked under a wing. Asha was definitely sitting on one leg.
There was only one tiny dark cloud barely on the horizon of her thoughts. Her Daddy’s birthday was coming up and she wanted to get just the PERFECT gift for him. She had racked her brain but couldn’t think of just the right thing. She had tried asking her Momma but she didn’t understand Parrot language and Asha couldn’t talk human to her. Some parrots could communicate with humans in special circumstances, but Asha and her Momma did not click. Anyway, Asha was slightly jealous of her Daddy’s wife, although she would never admit it.
She peeked through the French Doors into her Daddy’s bedroom where he was watching a baseball game on his 50-inch Hi-Def television. Asha knew it had been a gift to him from his wife and that was a spur for her to try to get him something even better!
Asha was able to figure out that his Braves were two runs down in the bottom of the ninth. There were two runners on base and two outs. His favorite player Johnny Flynn was coming to the plate.
“You can do it Johnny,“ her Daddy hollered. “Show those stupid Mets who’s boss!”
Suddenly Asha heard a loud crack and her Daddy jumped into the air and started doing a crazy dance.
“I knew it” he shouted. “We’re in like Flynn! Braves in first place!” He whooped a couple of more times before collapsing back into his chair.
All of a sudden a light went on inside Asha’s green, yellow, and blue feathered head.
“Humans like mementos of their sports heroes,” Asha said to herself. “If I can get Dad something to remind him of this Johnny Flynn guy, he would really appreciate it. That would really show Momma who is the Top Bird around this house!”
Asha waddled to the family computer while her Dad was still doing war dances and watching replays of his hero’s home run. Asha contacted the other three members of the Feathered Friends and asked them to meet her outside Turner Field in Atlanta at the statue of Hank Aaron.
The next morning Asha found herself perched lightly on the bat of Hammerin’ Hank while she waited for her friends to show up. Before long a small, blue Budgie flew up and took his place on the bill of Aaron’s cap.
“How’s it going Cecil,” Asha asked. “Nice day for a ball game isn’t it?”
“I guess so, but I’m more of a football fan. I always thought that if I had been born a human I would be a big defensive lineman,” Cecil said. The words would almost have been hysterically funny since they came from a bird who barely weighed 41 grams. But Cecil had the spirit of a giant and Asha could well imagine him sacking a quarterback.
Next to arrive was BabyGirl. She was an Amazon like Asha and she took station in Hank’s shoulder as she began preening her feathers.
“This is such a dirty city,” BabyGirl complained. “My boyfriend Ben would turn his beak up at me if he saw how filthy I was!”
The final member of the group to make an appearance was a cockatiel named Asa. Asa was a legendary escape artist who could chew her way through concrete. When she took her place beside Asha on Aaron’s bat she stopped her beak a couple of times on the statue and glared at Asha.
“What is this thing made of?” she asked. “I don’t like perching on things I can’t chew through if need be.”
“I think it is something called bronze,” said Asha. “But that is hardly what is at issue here.”
Asha quickly told her friends what her goal was and they agreed to be of any assistance possible, with one caveat.
“Before we do anything I want something to eat,” said Cecil. “What do they have to eat around here?”
“When at the ballpark, you eat hot dogs,” said Asha and the four took wing and headed for the nearest hot dog vendor.
“OK,” said Cecil. “Why don’t we let BabyGirl distract the vendor while the rest of us grab some dogs?”
“I hate to be a wet blanket, but I don’t eat hot dogs. I’m vegan,” said Asa. “Do you think they might have a tofu dog?”
“I think tofu is illegal in the South,” said BabyGirl.
“Don’t worry Miss Fussy, we’ll get you some popcorn,” hissed Asha.
“What about buns and chili?” wailed Cecil. “You can’t eat hot dogs without chili!”
“Only if you want to be as fat as a housecat,” said Asha as Baby Girl took off to provide a distraction. She perched on top of the food cart and, just as the vendor was adding relish to a customer’s wiener, dropped a nice ball of poop onto the dog.
But the customer and the vendor looked around in shock and finally settled their sights on the offending parrot.
“What the heck is going on here!” shouted the customer. “Can’t you keep these damn pigeons from pooping on the food?”
BabyGirl noticed that the customer had taken out his wallet in order to pay for his hot dog, so she swooped down and grabbed the wallet from his hand and flew over to an adjacent popcorn stand.
“Come and Get me!” the parrot shouted as the customer and the hot dog vendor ran in her direction. At that moment the other three parrots landed on the hot dog cart and grabbed a wiener in each claw and quickly took off to return to their perch on top of Hank’s statue. BabyGirl saw that the thievery had been successful, so she dropped the wallet, grabbed some popcorn for Asa, and followed the others.
“That was fun,” Cecil said between bites of his hot dog. “I think stolen food tastes better than any other kind of food, especially when you steal it from humans!”
“Cecil, I’m afraid that our adventures have permanently corrupted you,” laughed Asha as she daintily took bites from her meal. She would take a bite from one end of the wiener, rotate it with her talons, then take a bite from the other end.
“Yum, yum!” she said. “If only they made Cheetos this large!”
The four finished their meal and then cleaned each other’s feathers of any leftover hot dog or popcorn. When done with that Asa asked the question they all had on their mind.
“Well, just how are we going to get this guy to give us anything?” she asked. “And what do we get? I don’t see us hauling a baseball bat all the way back to Byron, no matter how strong Cecil thinks he is.”
“What I was thinking we might do is try to catch him after the game when he is alone and have Cecil tell him what we want. Then he might agree to come down and give Dad some stuff in person,” Asha said. Among the Four, Cecil was the best at communicating with humans in their own language.
“That does have the benefit of being a plan,” said Asa. “Not a good plan, I guess it is a plan. What do we do in the meantime?”
“I guess we watch the ballgame,” Asha said and the four took wing and perched on top of one of the light towers in right field. They finished eating their hot dogs and popcorn as the crowd finished taking their seats and the game got underway. Flynn had three hits and saved the home team’s win jumping high over the right field fence to rob the visitors of a home run. The crowd began leaving the stadium with smiles on their faces as the Four began looking for a way to get into the Braves’ locker room.
They flew down to the Braves’ dugout and saw a large hamper filled with dirty towels and uniforms. They dove into the hamper and dug themselves a cozy cave under the dirty laundry.
“We better get something good out of this,” whispered BabyGirl. “This stinks!”
A young man soon came up and began wheeling the hamper into the depths of the stadium. He pushed the hamper into the Braves’ locker room where it soon became full to overflowing with sweaty-stained jerseys and uniform pants.
After a while Cecil stuck his head out of the pile of dirty laundry and scoped out the situation. He ducked back under cover and reported to the others.
“That Flynn guy just got through talking to some guys with notebooks and cameras,” Cecil said. “They’re getting ready to leave.”
All four of the Friends poked their heads up just in time to see Flynn head through a door with ‘Training Room” written on it. The rest of the locker room was empty so they flew over to the door and looked inside. Asa noticed a window on the wall nearest to where the birds were standing so they flew up to stand on the ledge so they would have a quick escape route in case they needed it.
Flynn was sitting in what the humans called a whirlpool bath and seemed almost asleep.”
“Hey, Cecil,” Asha whispered. “This might be the chance we were looking for.”
Cecil was about to fly down to speak to Flynn when another human suddenly entered the room. Flynn looked up and gestured for the other man to come over to where he was.
“It’s about time you got here Oscar,” Flynn said. “I’m past due for my next shot.”
“Yeah,” said Oscar. “I noticed that that last home run of yours barely left the park. That would have been an out if it wasn’t for a friendly wind.”
“So quit talking and give me the juice before somebody else comes in,” Flynn said as he got out of the whirlpool. Oscar gave the player an injection in his buttocks.
“What do you want me to do about those Macaws you wanted ready for the Bird Show,” asked Oscar. “They still aren’t as big as you wanted them to be.”
“Did you give them the steroids like I told you to?” asked Flynn.
“Of course I did, but they didn’t react well to them so I cut the dosage. I was afraid some of them night die,” said Oscar.
“Idiot!” said Flynn. “We have a dozen of the damn things and all we need to win is one. Double the dosage! I want the Blue Ribbon this year!”
“You’re the boss,” Oscar said as he hurried from the room.
Flynn laughed to himself as he rubbed the injection site.
“And those stupid fans think it is only idiots like Bonds and Clemens on the juice,” he said to himself. “I go them and that fool Vick beat.”
Asha turned to her friends and said quietly, “We need to get out of there fast.”
They flew back to the Aaron statue where Cecil asked, “What were they doing,” he asked. “Was the Flynn guy sick or something?”
“No,” said Asha. “He wasn’t sick. He was taking what the humans call steroids. It helps make them run faster and hit the ball further. They are illegal.”
“You mean your Dad’s hero is breaking the law so he can play better,” asked Asa.
“That’s exactly what I mean,” said Asha quietly.
“Your Dad won’t like it if he finds out about that, will he,” asked BabyGirl. “What are you going to do?”
Asha just looked at her, wiped a tear from her eye with a wing, and said, “I don’t know, I really don’t know.”
“But what was that about giving steroids to those Macaws,” asked Cecil. “Is that illegal too?
“Yes, it is,” said Asha. “This guy is as dirty as they come. I think we are going to need help to take him down. Let’s get back to my place and get in touch with the Underground.”
The four flew back to Byron in silence as each one thought over what they had just seen. It was bad enough for a human to take an illegal drug, but to give it to a helpless animal? They got angrier and angrier until, by the time they got to Asha’s home, they were all ready to sharpen their talons and go after Flynn.
“The first thing we need to do is contact the Underground,” said Asha. “Cecil, you get on my computer and spread the word.”
“Wait,” said Asa. “Didn’t those guys we met in California, Mark and Clyde, join the Underground?”
“Great idea!” said Asha. “Cecil, see if you can get in touch with them and see if they can come here and give us a hand.”
As it turned out, Mark and Clyde were available and agreed to get on the first airplane for Georgia. They met up with the Four Friends at Turner Field. It was decided that Mark and Clyde would follow Flynn to try and try to get some evidence to prove his drug usage. They were armed with a video camera and their reserve deputy badges. The Four Friends would wait until Oscar showed up again and follow him and find out where he was keeping the macaws.
The four parrots took shifts waiting for Oscar to come back to visit Flynn and he finally did three days later. When he got back into his Hummer the four were stashed in the back seat. The drive was about an hour as Oscar stopped the car and parked. Cecil stuck his head up and reported that they were parked outside a small house trailer and there was a barn nearby.
“The barn is probably where the macaws are,” said Asa. “Let’s fan out and approach it from all directions.”
Asha took the northeast quadrant and was able to find a seam between the wooden boards to see the interior of the barn. What she saw horrified her. There were almost thirty large cages, each of which contained a blue-and-gold macaw. The birds seemed to be well cared for but what made Asha stifle a gasp was Oscar reaching into one cage and pulling out the corpse of one of the macaws.
“Damn,” Oscar said. “I told that idiot Flynn that increasing the dosage would kill these birds. This is the fifth one this week to just drop dead. This just isn’t right.”
Asha quickly flew up to the top of the barn and squawked loudly in order to get the attention of her friends. They all few up to where she was.
“Look, I think we might be able to get this guy on our side,” said Asha. “He seems pretty disgusted with what he is having to do. Cecil, I think we’re going to need some of your communication skills.”
Asha outlined her plan and Cecil flew down and sneaked into the front door of the barn and took up a position behind where Oscar was working cleaning out the cage that had held the recently deceased bird.
“Why did you do that to me?” Cecil asked in his best imitation of a ghost.
“What was that?” Oscar shouted as he spun around too late to see Cecil who had hidden inside a ten-gallon feed container. Oscar looked around the barn but couldn’t see the source of the voice. He finally got back to work on the cage when Cecil stuck his head back up and said, “What have we ever done to you?”
Oscar again tried to find the source of the voice and failed. “This dirty job must be getting to me,” he said to himself. “Lord only knows why I agreed to do this. Getting Flynn his steroids is one thing, but this is totally different. I always loved animals.”
Oscar shook his head but went back to work on the cage. Cecil popped up behind him again and said: “Do the right thing. Help us to live.”
Oscar again spun around was too late to catch his tormentor.
“That is just about enough,” he shouted as he tore the gloves off his hands and threw them to the floor. “I don’t have to live this way, “he shouted as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a cell phone.
“Information,” he said. “I want the number for the Atlanta Parrot Rescue Society,”
Cecil flew back out the door and joined his friends on the roof of the barn. He was congratulated all around as the parrot heard Oscar give the rescue society the directions to the barn. They waited until two vans arrived and the rescue personnel began to carry the cages out of the door. Oscar had left by then, but not before they heard him make another call, this one to the Fulton County District Attorney’s office and asking to speak to the person in charge of steroid abuse cases.
The birds returned to the Aaron statue at Turner Field where they found a note from Mark and Clyde asking them to meet them at a motel out in the suburbs. When The Feathered Four got there they found their two human friends watching-what else-a Star Trek episode on their portable DVD player.
“I tell you Clyde,” Mark was saying as the birds walked through the partially open door. “That Kirk is as smooth as molasses. I’d like you to name just one woman who was on that show that Kirk didn’t put the moves on.”
“Spock’s mother,” Clyde said with a laugh.
“Well, aside from her,” Mark said just as he noticed the four parrots standing just inside the door.
“Hey there little buddies,” Clyde said. “How did things go with you?”
“Some of the macaws passed over the Rainbow Bridge before we could save them, but we were able to get the others to safety,” said Asa. “What about your job?”
“Let me show you,” Mark said as he turned off the DVD player and turned on the television set. “ESPN has been running it about every five minutes.”
When the set came on the birds saw a picture of Flynn sitting in a Jacuzzi with a couple of girls flanking him and a drink in one hand and what appeared to be a marijuana cigarette in the other. He was obviously under the influence of something as he bragged to the girls about taking steroids and other drugs and getting away with it by swapping someone else’s urine when he was required to take a drug test.
“How did you get this?” asked Asha.
“Well, those are our girlfriends, Suzie and Elaine,” said Clyde. “They just showed up at Flynn’s place with the camera in a gym bag and he did all the rest.”
The Four Friends thanked Mark and Clyde and began the short flight back to Byron. They exchanged hugs on the roof of Asha’s house and then the other three took off for their respective homes. Asha feared what she was about to face but knew what she had to do. She slipped onto the porch and through the French Doors into her Dad’s bedroom. He was sitting in his chair with his head in his hands while ESPN played the Flynn tape on his television.
Asha flew up to the back of the chair and gently started preening his hair as she softly cooed into his ear.
“Why did he do it?” her Dad said softly. “Why? I thought he was a hero. I’ll never be able to trust anyone like that again.”
Asha jumped down onto her Dad’s lap and started stroking his cheek with her wing as she continued cooing, wishing she could tell him the words that were in her heart. And, all of a sudden she knew that she could.
“You can trust me and all the others who truly love you,” Asha said. “Trust isn’t earned on the baseball field. It is earned here at home.”
The initial look of shock on her Dad’s face was replaced with one of joy and wonder.
“Truer words were never spoken,” he said as he hugged Asha to his chest. “How about I go make some of that spicy popcorn you love.”
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The Asha Chronicles Part 10
Ah, Episode 10! No need for seat belts in this episode, but I do highly recommend a bikini, sun block and a flame resistant beach towel.This episode of the Asha Chronicles pays a bit of tribute to the heros of the California Wildfires of 2007. Ok, birds really didn't save the day, but there were plenty of angels during the fire that did have invisible wings. My bestfriend Tina, her budgie Huey Lewis (pictured and yes, the love of my Cleo's life), dog Camry (she's either a small sporty model or she was concieved in the back seat of one....), and cat Cricket (aka Franken-Kitty) had the San Diego fire come within 6 miles of their home. They were forced to evacuate and were one of the lucky ones. They got to go home again.
Of course the following story has a bit of 'literary license', but what else would you expect?
Got your sunblock, bikini and flame resistant towel ready? Good, read away and enjoy!
The Asha Chronicles
Part 10
Flame and Glory
by Julie and Tim
February 23, 2008
Huey Lewis, a handsome turquoise budgie had his face happily buried in a small ‘Huey sized’ dish of Beak Appetite when something caught his attention. His Mom who was sitting and knitting was startled when Huey took off out of his condo and buzzed the top of her head on his way to the flower pot in the window that faced the backyard.
“Huey! A little more altitude next time, please?” Tina said, slightly exasperated at the fact Huey’s ‘lack of altitude’ caused her to drop three stitches.
“Sorry Mommy.” Huey said in English, clear as a bell. Huey, like Cecil, had mastered English and spoke it clearly in front of his human.
Huey landed oh-so precariously on the blossom of a purple petunia and stared intently out the window and off into the distance. He wasn’t sure what he saw, but he knew he saw something. He continued to watch for another moment, the purple petunia bending slightly under his 36 grams of body weight. ‘Was that smoke?’ Huey asked himself. ‘It is smoke. There’s a fire somewhere, I just know it! I need to tell Mom!’ Huey further debated and reasoned.
Huey flew back over to his Mom and landed on her right hand as she continued to knit. “Well, I guess this is better than being buzzed, but it’s not the easiest way to finish this sweater Huey.” She said to him as she got to a stopping point and put her knitting down. “Now what is it Huey?”
Huey knew the English word for ‘fire’, he knew what it was, too, but he also knew it’d be too much of a surprise to his Mom if he just spoke a fluid sentence of ‘Mom there is a fire in the canyon and it’s headed our way, we need to evacuate.’ So, instead Huey took flight again and landed on the top of Camry, big brother dogs head and said several things in budgie to her. Camry, apparently understanding every word, got up and walked over to the window Huey had just vacated, put her paws up on the sill and began barking like crazy.
Tina was first off startled by the fact Huey had actually landed on Camry and then even more startled at Huey riding on Camry across the room to the window, just sat and watched the pair for a moment. She knew Camry wouldn’t hurt Huey, but she watch warily, ready to jump up at a moments notice to rescue him.
While Camry continued to bark at the barely visible smoke plume off in the distance, Huey turned to his Mom and began saying, “Come here you. Come here you. Come here you.”
“What on earth do you see out there?” Tina asked as she got up to see what the commotion was all about. Tina stared out the window as Huey moved from Camry’s head to Tina’s shoulder and began yelling in budgie in her ear. “What?” asked Tina to her Huey.
“Go for a walk.” Huey said clearly in English for the very first time, causing Tina to turn to try and stare at him.
Huey once again resorted to screaming in budgie while Camry’s barking also got louder.
“What on earth…..” Tina began, her voice slowly trailing off as she finally saw what Huey saw, the plume of smoke, which was growing larger and darker by the second. “Oh, my!” was all Tina was able to exclaim while she grabbed Huey from off her shoulder and carried him to his Fort travel cage and popped him rather unceremoniously in and locked the door. Huey, for once, didn’t put up the usual fight. He knew something wasn’t right. He was sure Fire was headed their way.
As Tina quickly grabbed her important stuff, Huey’s important stuff, Camry and Crickets important stuff and stuffed them into her RAV4, Huey closed his eyes and went into a deep meditative state. He and Cleo, Asa’s older sister, had a way of communicating that baffled both Moms, but apparently the pair really did communicate via this deep focus and concentration, so called BSP, for lack of a better term by Tina and Asa’s Granny, Julie.
Meanwhile, in Springdale Arkansas, Cleo sensing Huey’s presence and receiving his message of their plight loud and clear, began shrieking her siren noise at the top of her extremely powerful lungs.
Asa got her big sisters message loud and clear and immediately popped the lock on her cage and went to go start up her Granny’s computer. Her Granny and Grandpa, fortunately, had taken Tyson Parker and Edgar Allan to Tulsa to the avian vet for their yearly physical. Asa, Worthington, and Cleo had gone for their physicals last week. Her Granny wouldn’t be back for 5 hours, since Tulsa was a good 2 hour ride away.
While the computer warmed up and Bird Channel came into view on the screen, Asa quickly popped the locks on both Worthington and Cleo’s cages. “If Huey is right about the fire…”
“…And you know he is.” interrupted Cleo.
“Of course he is. I wasn’t implying anything, just explaining.” Asa snipped back at her sister before continuing, “ As I was saying, we’re going to need the Feathered Four and probably all of their fiblings who are willing to help us with this one. I’ll message both BC and Flocktalk…oh, and Granny has another site, Tailfeathersnetwork.com that she has book marked for bird information. There are a lot of others on there, too.”
“Why do we need to contact so many?” Asked little Worthington. He was the baby of Asa’s flock at just 1 year old. This was also the first time he’d even been asked to join in one of his sister Asa’s adventures.
“Because it’s a fire and fire is a really scary thing. It eats everything in its path and nothing ever survives. There are going to be animals that need help getting away from Fire and humans as well. There is only four of us in the Feathered Four and we can’t be everywhere at once. We are going to need EVERYBIRDIE” Asa ended with emphasis on the word ‘everybirdie’ as her talons flew over her Granny’s computer key board. She left message after message on as many BC pages as she could before sending one seriously odd message via Flocktalk, ‘toast your feathers in sunny California, we need everybirdie now.’ She knew it’d make sense to Maude, head of the Bird Underground, but since there were humans reading, sending and receiving messages on Flocktalk, she had to remain as mysterious as possible. Then off to Tailfeathersnetwork.com to leave a human thing called a thread and post with the same mysterious message as she’d left on Flocktalk. Her Granny had told her that Tailfeathers was a rather cliquish, but she figured if someone could get past she and her Granny weren’t part of the ‘in crowd’ and join in and help, it was worth all the effort it took her to make the computer keys work on their own. Especially since her Granny’s space bar stuck and would leave paragraphs of space before inserting the next word if she didn’t yank up on it with her beak now and then.
“Ok, everyone is messaged and alerted.” Asa concluded as she shut her Granny’s computer down and turned to Cleo before saying, “Did you try to reach my Daddy?”
“I said a prayer the best I could. I do hope he heard me.” Cleo answered as the three fiblings left Springdale for California.
---------------
Out in California the freeways were jammed with residence trying to escape north; just to find out their only escape was west, to the Pacific Ocean. The small plume of smoke had grown into billowing putrid black clouds that rained hot embers down on all it could. The ravenous appetite of the fire grew as it consumed more property, wilderness and lives, both human and animal.
Huey and his family, thanks to Huey’s early warning, had managed to take the freeway north to Julie’s Uncles house in San Pedro long before the evacuation of the San Diego area went into effect. Tina knew San Pedro was well out of any normal burn paths the yearly fires took and that she, Camry, Cricket and Huey would be warmly welcomed. Once there, Huey’s travel condo was placed on the back sun porch with Jason a 40 year old cherry headed conure, and Icarus a 50 year old lilac crowned Amazon. The birds had met once before and were friendly with one another. Huey still just wasn’t sure what to think of their large beaks, but he knew the two seniors were too old to do much more than sit and tell stories about their younger days.
“I need to get out there and try and save my Grandma’s house!” said Huey to the Old Timers.
“We’ll cover for you youngun. No worries, the humans will be way to busy with the TV and human news to pay any attention to us as long as we’re quiet. Go save your home, Huey.” Said Icarus to his little turquoise friend as Huey popped the lock on his travel cage (a trick taught to him by Asa herself. Huey was a very fast learner) and flew out the open window and headed toward home.
The flames leapt and stretched themselves skyward over the dry San Diego canyon they were currently having for an afternoon snack, as if the sun itself was also on its menu. The air was densely thick with smoke and every firefighter and police officer within a 200 mile radius had been called in to help evacuate the humans too stubborn to leave their homes, mostly due to the fact the evacuation shelters didn’t allow pets.
As the police and firefighters both battled the flames on the ground, desperately trying to get to the last few obstinate humans who were still alive, the Feathered Four, Huey, Cleo and Worthington set to work from the air. Their first mission was to guide the terrified, confused and unwillingly abandoned animals to safety.
“Baby Asa, there is an old human school building with a bomb shelter in its basement. Lead who will follow there and they’ll be safe. Rosalie and I will talk to those too scared to move. For some, it’s their time, for others it’s not. She and I will do as we can.”
Asa, Asha, BabyGirl, Worthington and Cecil were startled for a moment at the speech coming from a Yucca plant just to their left.
“I’m glad you got Cleo’s message and mine.” said Huey, who like R.B. Bird and Rosalie, was a special being sent to earth to watch over the humans they’d been assigned to by the Great One. Huey had also messaged R.B. Bird and Rosalie for their help in saving his Grandma’s home, the home is Mom loved and had grown up in, during the long ride to San Pedro.
“Daddy?” asked Asa, knowing full well only one ever called her ‘Baby Asa’, and that was her Daddy, “I’m so glad it’s you and you’re here with us.” Asa paused to look around for a moment before adding, “Where’s Rosalie?”
“She’s inside talking to Bootsie and Muffy, the Siamese cats under the childs bed. They’re too scared to leave what they think is safety.
“Only problem with rescuing cats is they look at you like you’re they’re lunch! We’re alive and breathing, not spirits like you, how are we to get those ‘beasties’ into the shelter?” asked Asha logically.
“Rosalie and I will lead the cats, you seven go head east to the clearing. There is a team of firefighters there and I think they’re going to be in trouble soon. We’ll catch up in a minute.” R.B. Bird concluded as Rosalie appeared with Bootsie and Muffy from around the left side of the house.
Fire was approaching fast, the Seven feathered rescuers could feel the heat of its breath breathing deeply in their faces and R.B. Bird and Rosalie led the cats to safety.
“Cleo, you, Huey and Worthington head north east, but stick close together. Help the other wildlife up there. I think I heard a raccoon family crying in the distance.” instructed BabyGirl.
Team Huey followed BabyGirl’s instructions without argument. It was getting way too hot in their present location to remain put and discuss matters further. The Feathered Four headed east to where the firefighters were battling the heart of the fire.
For what had to be hours, the Chelmsford Group, the Oklahoma Gang, Eva’s Flockily, Knuckles family, and about a dozen other flocks of BC and Flocktalk Birds, proudly spoke fluent clear English to the weary smoke filled firefighters and policemen, guiding them free of the ambush Fire kept trying to set up. Not one life was lost due to the efforts of the BC and Flocktalk birds.
Those wearied by the fire flew to Vegas to Dolly’s house, one of the many humans in the Bird Underground who knew the birds secrets and guarded them closely, where Dolly would feed them nutrition and energy packed bird goodies and, of course, offer those interested, a plate of her famous tomato gravy and noodles. They were allowed to rest up, too before heading back to the San Diego fire.
After a break and an almost too large a plate of Dolly’s tomato gravy and noodles, the Feathered Four found themselves flying a bit too close to the heart of the beast Fire. They were led there by Rosalie, who’d told them of two firefighters who were trapped by Fire and were nearing death.
As the Feathered Four grew closer they thought they could hear Fire laugh in triumph of yet another kill. Fire, in too soon of a celebration, as the firefighters at this point were still very much alive, shot its flames up a good 100 feet in the air and belched out a deep thicker than pea soup cloud of acrid black smoke. The Feathered Four lost their way. The smoke was too thick for them to see. Cecil coughed as he tried to take in a breath, but got nothing but dense smoke instead.
“What now?” asked Asha as she bumped into a tree branch and for her safety, alighted there.
“Not sure.” said BabyGirl as she perched next to Asha.
“My Daddy will find us and so will Rosalie. We’ll be fine.” Asa said hopefully as she, too sat down on the branch to wait.
Then, as if someone had turned off the smoke machine, the air cleared as Rosalie appeared in her normal spirit form before them. “This way, the firefighters are over here.” she said simply and her translucent form turned and let the Feathered Four through the now miraculously clear air, dense, all consuming black smoke still everywhere but the bubble of ‘clear’ that Rosalie had created for them.
Upon reaching a small area barren of anything but the two smoke encrusted men in firefighting gear, Rosalie approached them and spoke clearly to them in English, “Please, I know this is unusual for you Humans to see me and hear me, but please follow my flockily to safety.” Rosalie pleaded as The Feathered Four caught up to her.
“Hi, I’m Cecil, the King of All Budgies.” Cecil politely introduced.
“Cecil!” scolded Asha, “All that matters is that they listen to us and follow us and Rosalie out of here!”
“Yes, please get up if you can and follow us and we’ll lead you out of here.” Asa reaffirmed.
“Clyde, do you hear what I hear or have I eaten too much smoke?” Said the bigger of the two firefighters to the smaller.
“If you mean that there are four live parrots in front of us talking and a ghost bird, also talking, telling us to follow them out of here to safety. Yeah, Mark, I hear them, too.”
“You know, this reminds me of that Star Trek episode…um…The Tholian Web, I believe it was called, where they thought Kirk was dead but his ghost kept popping up but it turned out he was really alive.” said Mark.
“Yeah, me too. In that episode they strapped Uhuru down in the sickbay when she saw Kirk. They thought she was crazy and that’s exactly what they’ll say about us, too. Birds talking, ghost bird talking. I think I’d strap us down right now if I was sure this was all really happening.” said Clyde.
“But, we’re both seeing all this, so does that make us both crazy?”asked Mark.
“Well, which is crazier, seeing a Dead Captain Kirk or a ghostly bird and her flock?” Clyde asked Mark right back.
“I don’t know, Clyde. Kirk was just a television character but talking birds are really weird. I’d say we’re more likely to see Kirk.” Mark reasoned back.
“Do firefighter humans always act so weird?” Asked BabyGirl to the rest of the Feathered Four. “You’d think they’d just want to get out of here and would just simply get up and follow us!”
Clyde and Mark continued their debate, completely ignoring BabyGirls comment.
“Too bad Spock isn’t here to tell us what the logical thing to do would be.” Clyde added as he looked from Marks smoke caked face to the four live bird and one ghost bird perched on a small bush directly in front of them. Fire trying, without success to penetrate the bubble of clear clean air that Rosalie’s spirit had created around them.
“We don’t need Spock to deal with talking birds, we need Dr. McCoy and a good shot of burbon.” Mark added with a faint smile, his white teeth peeking out from in between black soot covered lips.
“You know, you two can continue this debate from now until the cows come home, or you can just get up and follow us.” Asha interrupted, fed up and tired of the conversation and beginning to feel the heat of Fire as Rosalie’s strength began to slowly fade. “Now, get up off your tail feathers and MOVE IT or I’ll be forced to Ninja me some firefighters into next week!” Asha ended a bit louder and a bit angrier than necessary.
“Rosalie can’t hold this bubble of clean air for long. She doesn’t have a lot of strength back her over the Rainbow Bridge. For all our safety, please just come with us.” Asa prodded.
“Follow me! The King Budgie of the Great Budgie Divide!” Cecil chimed in in his most macho tone as he took flight and led the way out of the heart of Fire.
Once out of the heart of Fire and into the safety of one of the evacuation centers set up especially for firefighters the Feathered Four caught their breaths on a branch of a dogwood tree just outside. They’d only perched for about 2 minutes when Huey, Cleo and Worthington flew up to them in a total panic.
“MY HOUSE!!” Huey cried, “THE FIRE IS ALMOST UP TO MY BACK FENCE!!! WE’VE GOTTA SAVE MY HOUSE!!” the little turquoise budgie cried.
“Asa, we don’t know what to do.” Cleo explained in a tone not much calmer than her bonded forever mate, Huey’s.
“Let’s go!” said Asha as she took off for Huey’s home.
Once there, the Feathered Four, Huey, Cleo and Worthington were greeted by the second spirit bird from over the Rainbow Bridge, Asa’s father, R.B. Bird. His ghost like form was perched in stately form on Huey’s back yard fence. As the seven parrots approached they could hear R.B. Bird actually talking to Fire.
“This is my family you’re threatening. It was my daughter, my only surviving daughter, you tried to take the life of back in the canyon. Those are her special friends you singed the feathers of. And, nobody, but nobody messes with my family, you got that Fire?” R.B. Bird said in his most and very intimidating tone.
Fire’s spirit flickered for a moment, unsure of what to think. It’d never been spoken to like that before and especially not by a silly bird. But, something told Fire spirit that this particular bird was not one to mess with. Fire spirit had, for the first time in it’s current life, a life given to it by an 8 year old arsonist who just wanted to see the pretty posy burn, felt a twinge of fear.
That twinge of fear Fire spirit felt was very real. R.B. Bird, when he was alive, was willing to give his life without question for his human and his flock. Being spirit himself hadn’t lessoned his desire to protect. R.B. Bird knew if he could once again give his life to save Huey’s home, he would. He had no life left to give, so he called down his elder sister, Moana, also a resident of the Rainbow Bridge, and Rosalie. With the three spirit birds on Huey’s back yard fence and Fire spirit directly in front of them, daring them to even try to stop it, they began to flap their wings as hard as they could.
Asa, being very much her Daddy’s little girl, understood exactly what her father had in mind and flew up to the fence and began flapping too. Fire spirit millimeters from her breast feathers and millimeters from taking her life.
Undaunted, but totally terrified at the same time, Asa called to Asha, BabyGirl and Cecil, “Come on! It’s going to take all of us to save this house!”
“Bonzai!!!!” Yelled Cecil as he, too threw caution to the wind and landed on the fence and began flapping.
BabyGirl sensed Asha’s fear and said to her as comforting as she could, “You’ve just stared death in the face twice and survived. What’s once more?”
With a deep sigh, Asha and BabyGirl joined the others on the fence and began flapping as hard as they could. Fire spirit refusing to give up and continuing to lick their breast feathers in an attempt to send the heroes over the Rainbow Bridge.
“You’re not taking my Mom and Grandma’s house!” yelled Huey and Cleo at the exact same time as they and Worthington also alighted on the fence and began flapping.
Undaunted, Fire spirit continued to fight.
A moment later a thunderous flapping of wings could be heard as the Chelmsford Gang, Eva’s Flockily, Stubby, Asha’s fiancé and his flock as well as several other flockilies of parrots all joined them on the fence, flapping as hard as they could. Fire spirit couldn’t hold on. Slowly but surely Fire began to back away from Huey’s home. As the massive flock of parrots continued flapping with all their might, Fire spirit began to grow smaller. Then, just when the massive flock began to feel fatigued from all the flapping, the Fire spirit gave up the ghost and extinguished itself. Nothing was left but a small puddle of smoldering embers. The San Diego Canyon fire was out.
The army of parrots soon scattered. Some returned to their homes while others went back to the fire lines to make certain that all abandoned animals had been rescued. After a while the only parrots left were Huey and the Feathered Friends.
“Thank you for saving my home,” Huey said. “It was a wonderful thing you did. How can I possibly repay you?”
“Well, that is kind of the same question we have too,” came a human voice from around the corner of the house as Mark and Clyde walked up to the seven birds.
“You saved our lives,” said Clyde. “Everyone else had abandoned us yet you birds risked your lives to save us. Why did you all do that?”
The birds looked at each other, none of them really having an answer to the human’s question until Asa cleared her throat. “My Daddy always told me that, deep down, the only difference in all of us is that some have feathers and others have skin,” Asa said. “As for what you can do to repay us, just remember that one fact. All life is sacred.”
Clyde and Mark shook their heads in agreement and turned to leave. As they walked away Mark grabbed Clyde’s shoulder and asked: “Didn’t Kirk say something like that in one of those second season episodes?”
“No, you idiot,” scoffed Clyde. “It was Spock and it was in the third season.”
Asha shook her head as the two walked away. “Well, as those humans would say, it is time for us to boldly go where no parrot has ever gown before,” she said with a grin.
“To heck with that,” said Cecil. “I’m going home and I sincerely hope it is very cold there. I’ve been too warm for too long. Anyway, scorched feathers stink.”
The Four with Cleo and Worthington took off for their respective homes as Huey surveyed his home with a smile. It had survived Fire. Huey flew over the now no longer smoldering embers of Fire, just to make sure it was really gone before taking off for San Pedro to get his Mom, Camry and even Cricket and tell them it was time to go home.
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