Just when you thought it was safe---The Return of The Asha Chornicles

(To see pictures of the kids adventures during this move, I'm posting my pictures on Flickr the pictures will come up on 'thumbnail', click on the word 'details' next to it --by my avatar--and the pictures with descriptions will come up)

The Asha Chronicles Part 15
Birds In Space
Houston, I Think We Have A Problem
By Julie Stilwell and Timothy Graham

The Feathered Friends had been very busy lately helping out their fellow birds as well as their human friends and they felt the need for a vacation. The four had gathered at the home of Asha, a blue-font Amazon, in Byron Georgia. They were sitting out on her screen porch, sun bathing and trying to decide where to go to take some well-deserved time off. As usual, they were having a hard time reaching an agreement.
Asa, a cinnamon pearl split to pied cockatiel, had expressed an interest in doing some mountain climbing. The orange-winged Amazon BabyGirl thought that idea was silly since it involved way too much work. She was more interested in taking a sea cruise. The sky blue budgie Cecil (who had more attitude and personality than his little body could contain) thought that a trip to Europe would be fun. As usual, Asha saw that she, as the most forceful personality of the group, would have to make the final decision.
“Look, I have a good friend named Angel who lives in Florida,” she began. “Why don’t we go down there and take some time on the beach and if we feel like taking off for somewhere else, we can.” Asha, the voice of reason, ended.
That idea met everybirdie’s approval and the Four took flight and headed south for a relatively short trip to the Atlantic coast of Florida where Angel, an African Grey, welcomed the four and put on a nice spread of veggies, fruits, and juice. Angel’s house was near the beach and for couple of days the five spent most of their time lying in the sand and flying out over the surf.
On day three of their Florida vacation Asa suggested that they take a tour of the area. They took to the air and began to slowly fly south to see the sights. After about an hour they spotted a strange sight in the distance.
“What is that thing?” asked BabyGirl. “It looks like a big candle.”
“Well, we’ll never figure it out this far away,” said Cecil. “Let’s get closer.”
The five birds flew closer to the object and noticed that there were a large number of humans gathered around it. They seemed to be working on the object for some unknown reason.
“It sure is tall,” said Angel. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Let’s fly up to the top of it and maybe we can figure it out,” suggested BabyGirl and the rest readily agreed.
Soon they were perched on top of the tall object. From their perch they could see for miles all around. Several humans were working around the only doorway into the object. They soon finished what they were doing and walked away down a walkway to a tall structure that was attached to the object.
“Look, they left that door open,” said Asa. “I bet we could get inside.”
“Do you think that is a good idea?” asked Cecil. “What if those humans come back?”
“Quit being such a worry birdie,” said Asha. “Let’s take a look.”
With curiosity having a death grip upon them, the five flew into the object and found a cramped room filled with computers and chairs. Suddenly they heard a sound outside and noticed that several humans in strange clothing were headed towards the door.
“Quick, find somewhere to hide!” said BabyGirl and they scurried towards a small door that led to what appeared to be a closet. They crammed themselves into the closet and shut the door just as the humans began entering the small cramped room.
“I guess we better just wait here until they decide to leave,” said Angel logically. “They might get mad if they see we have sneaked into whatever this thing is.”
The five settled down and played some word games until they got sleepy. Heads under wings and sitting shoulder to shoulder they settled down and took a nap. They were suddenly jolted awake by the sound of a large explosion and a sudden weight descending upon their feathered chests.
“Darn!” said Asha. “It feels like a human has sat on me! What on Earth is going on?”
None of the others were able to answer as they were too busy trying to breathe. But as suddenly as the invisible weight appeared it went away.
“That feels better.” said Asa. “But what is this?” she shouted as she suddenly began floating towards the top of the closet. “I can fly without flapping my wings! It feels like I have no weight whatsoever!”
The five birds were very confused as they tried to orient themselves.
“I don’t think I like this at all,” said Cecil nervously. “First we weigh too much and now we weigh nothing at all. What the heck have we gotten into here?”
“We better try to find those humans and ask them what is going on,” said Asha, once again being the voice of reason.
The five had a hard time getting the door open while weightless but they finally got it open enough for Cecil to slip through. He scouted out the immediate surroundings and reported back to the rest of his flock still secluded in the closet.
“Three of the humans in those strange outfits are sitting in chairs just in front of us,” he said. “Does anyone want to go and talk to them?”
“I’ll go,” Asa volunteered. She slipped out of the closet and tried waddling to the front of the room. It was difficult to walk under the weightless conditions, but she finally figured out how to move forward without flying off towards the ceiling. She eventually got to the front of the room and began using her beak to pull herself up the leg of the human sitting in the front chair.
“Yes Houston, Shuttle Atlantis is a go for final orbital insertion,” the human said. “What was that last question you asked?”
A voice came from out of the air. “Shuttle Atlantis our instruments show that you are about two pounds overweight. Did one of you bring something on board that was not approved?”
“Negative Houston,” the man in the strange uniform said as Asa finally reached the arm of his chair.
“Excuse me sir, could I please ask you a question?” Asa said in her most polite and lady like tone of voice.
“What the heck was that?” the human asked. “Who said that? You all know better than chattering on the radio while we’re doing an orbital insertion!”
“Sorry to disturb you, but I do have an important question,” Asa said as she tried to get the human’s attention by biting on his arm. The material of his clothing was very tough and she was unable to get a good grip on it.
The human finally saw the strange creature on his chair and shouted “What kind of games are you idiots playing! What is this thing? Some kind of new robot?”
“I assure you I am no robot,” Asa said indignantly. “I am a cockatiel and I want to know where I am and how do I get back to Angel’s house. I am quite hungry and am tired of this lack of weight.”
The human was sputtering and stuttering but seemed unable to make a coherent sound. The two other humans sitting nearby were staring at the small brown bird and seemed equally unable to say anything intelligent. The voice named Houston kept asking what was happening but nobody seemed to be paying it any attention. Meanwhile the other birds had decided to leave the closet and join Asa. Asha tried to fly up to where Asa stood but, due to the lack of gravity, overshot her target and landed on a large group of instruments in front of the human. She latched onto a toggle switch and looked back at the room.
“Who is in charge here? We would like to go back to Angel’s house. Can you help us?” Asha asked, also utilizing her best and most lady like manners and tone of voice.
The human in the front chair had finally regained some semblance of composure and asked in a voice full of shock and disbelief, “Are you birds?”
“That would appear to be obvious,” said Asa. “And I suppose you are humans?”
The human ignored Asa’s attempt at sarcasm, “How in heaven’s name did you get here?”
“Well, why don’t you tell us just what ‘here’ is,” said Asha.
“Commander,” broke in one of the other humans. “Are those birds really talking or is this some kind of trick. Is NASA giving us some kooky test or something?”
“I have no idea Simmons,” said the commander. “Look you bird, or whatever you are. This is the Shuttle Atlantis and we are currently 180 miles above the surface of the Earth. We are in the middle of changing our orbit so that we can do repairs on the Hubble Space Telescope. Now, would you kindly tell us what you are doing here?”
“Well, we were on vacation,” said Asa simply. “We saw this big thing and decided to check it out and then all heck broke loose. What is an orbit?”
“Forget that Asa,” said BabyGirl. “Take a look out that window. I don’t think we are in Florida anymore.”
The five birds turned their heads towards a large window in the front of the room and saw the round globe of the planet Earth off in the distance and floating in a sea of blackness.
“Oh Yeah!” said Asha. “This is way cool! I’ve seen this before. Dad watches this stuff all the time!” She turned towards the commander. “You must be Captain Kirk!”
“Captain Kirk?!” the commander shouted. “I’m not Captain Kirk. I’m Commander Smithson.”
“No, really,” said Asha. “This has to be the Enterprise. I’ve seen it on television all the time. Dad’s crazy about this show. Where’s Spock? I like Spock.”
“Simmons, will you please gather these varmits and stow them away somewhere so I can complete our orbital insertion,” the commander said. “I have no idea how I will explain this to Houston.”
The birds went back to their closet without too much trouble after Simmons promised to bring them so food soon. When he left Cecil asked Asha “What is this Captain Kirk stuff? Do you know this guy?”
“Sure,” said Asha. “Like I said Dad watches this stuff all the time. He’s what they call a Treker. You remember those two firemen back in California? This is all a television show about space ships and Klingons and Vulcans.”
“You mean we really aren’t up in a space ship circling the planet?” asked BabyGirl.
“Heck no,” said Asha positively. “How the heck would five birds get on board a spaceship. Those things are huge. They would never allow us to sneak on board one of those things. They’re just filming a television show and we happened to get caught up in it. No problem. I think we ought to go look around. It might be fun.”
“But what about us being weightless,” said Asa. “How do they do that?”
“They can do anything on television,” said Asha with a grin.
“But that guy told us to stay here,” said Cecil. “He is supposed to bring us some food. I’m hungry.”
“Well, maybe we can find it sooner,” said Asha as she headed for the door. “Let’s go!”
The five turned away from the front of the ship and found a stairway leading down. They hung onto the rail and pulled themselves down the stairs. To the right they saw a room with four more humans sitting in chairs. They went in the other direction and found a small room containing a cage with a small monkey in it.
“Hey, it’s a monkey,” said Asa. “I wonder if he can talk?” The five birds tried to get the monkey to talk but he couldn’t say anything. Eventually they were able to get him to understand hand gestures and discovered that he had been loaded on board just before the ship had taken off and he had no idea why he was there or what was going on. He did make it clear that his name was Astro and that he would like to be let out of his cage and Asa took care of that without too much trouble.
“Any idea if where the food is?” Cecil asked astro. The monkey gestured to follow him and he quickly led them to another small room containing boxes of tubes. He took one of the tubes and removed the cap. He squeezed some paste on his hand and licked it with a big smile on his face. He handed the tube to Cecil who squeezed a small amount on one of his talons and took a bite.
“Yuck!” Cecil said with a grimace. “This is awful! Aren’t there any veggies around here?” The birds tried all of the different varieties of the tubes and found none of them worth eating although Astro was having the time of his life squeezing food all over the floor.
“Hey, do you think we’re on television now?” asked BabyGirl as she made an effort to primp her feathers.
“Don’t worry deary, Ben will not be disappointed,” said Asha.
“Well, I just want to look good,” said BabyGirl with a bit of a pout. “We can’t all be Divas and look good all the time!”
“Look, I don’t like being a complainer but I am really hungry,” said Cecil as his tummy rumbled softly. “Do you think there is any way we can get some good food around here?”
“Well, I’m up for a bit of exploring if you guys are. I’ve never been on a television set before.” said Angel as she headed toward a closed door at the far end of the galley.
The five waddle-glided across the floor to the new and mysterious door, upon reaching it, they discovered it was, of course, locked. With a quick jiggle and tug, the Convicts Chick easily unlocked it. Inside stood fresh veggies of all sorts in large glass containers with funny rubber gloves sticking out into the room.
“Why didn’t they just bring us here in the first place?” asked Cecil in an exasperated tone.
“Maybe humans think tubes of goo are better than fresh veggies?” comment Angel.
“Um, there is something funny about those veggies, Cecil.” the voice of reason, Asha, chimed in.
“I don’t see anything wrong with them?” said Cecil with a beak full of rubber glove.
“Um, hate to agree with Asha here, since my tummy is pretty empty, too, but I think she’s right. There’s something not quite right about those veggies.” said Asa, also chiming in as the voice of reason.
But, it was too late. As soon as the air hit the broccoli sample in the case it exploded into a neon green powder. At the exact same moment, out of apparently nowhere, two very large, very black bunny rabbits hopped into the center of the case as the green dust settled, snow-globe style, around them.
“AHHHHHHH!” shouted Cecil as he jumped back hard and fast enough to bump into the wall on the far side of the lab room.
Just then, sensing the possibility of freedom, the bunnies, who were now more green than black, forced their oversized bodies through the opening Cecil had chewed into the rubber glove. It was then that the real chaos began. Bunny One, who like Bunny Two, was completely covered in broccoli dust, hit the floor, left a large green splat, and bounced nearly 6 feet in the air due to the lack of gravity and almost hit Angel in the process. Bunny Two left an equally impressive green splat on the pristine white floor, but only managed a bounce of 4 feet, nicking the tip of Cecils blue tail and leaving a small green smudge.
“Ewwwwwww!!” grimaced Cecil as he shook the green broccoli dust off his tail feathers.
“We’ve got to catch those Bunnies before Captain Kirk finds out!” shouted Asha a bit louder than necessary.
At that moment Astro entered the little lab room and began dancing and playing with the bunnies. It was a mid air ballet that would have made Borishnikov, Abbot and Costello very proud. As Asha swooped this way with the large beaker, Asa swooped that way with an equally as large beaker. Missing Bunny One and Bunny Two, they bumped into one another, sending each other into mid air gravityless loop-dee-loops. Cecil dove like an Eagle after a morsel of fresh fish, hoping to herd Bunny One into the cabinet Angel had just pulled open. Astro, seeing something shiny inside the cabinet, entered it.
“GOT HIM!!!” shouted Angel as she slammed the cabinet door. Asa, lock master extraordinaire, locked the cabinet tight with Astro safely and very securely ensconced inside.
The ballet continued. Asha crashed into BabyGirl, who then was sent floating helplessly backward and then sideways into Asa, who then bumped into Bunny Two, sending it into the glass medicine style cabinet she’d just picked the lock on as Angel held the door open.
“GOT ANOTHER ONE!!!!” shouted Angel as she slammed the glass door closed and Asa locked the still green broccoli powder coated bunny securely inside.
“One more to go!” said Asha obviously as the five feathered friends all dove simultaneously for Bunny One. Seeing it was out numbered, Bunny One ducked into a bread box style experiment station.
“GOT HIM!!!” shouted Cecil as he, Asa, Asha, BabyGirl and Angel all slammed their nearly weightless bodies into the lid at the same time in order to close Bunny One securely into the box. Asa, for the third time in 6 minutes, securely locked another lock.
“Now what?” said Angel, slightly breathlessly.
“We clean up.” said Asa as she began to upright the few containers they’d tipped over.
“It sure would have helped if we knew where on this ship Scotty was! We sure could have used that teleporter of his to get rid of those bunnies!” said Asha as she found a towel and mopped up a bit of spilt water.
With the room looking as it had when they entered, Cecil asked once again to no bird in particular, “You know, I’m still hungry. As a matter of fact, I’m doubly hungry now!”
“You should have just eaten a tube while you had the chance.” said Asa as she found another towel and tried to mop up some of the mess left behind by Astro.
Asha and BabyGirl sat on the back of a chair while Asa, Cecil and Angel finished cleaning up Astros mess as best as they could.
“So, do you really think Scotty is here somewhere with that teleporter machine?” asked Angel.
“He has to be. He works for Captain Kirk and the Federation.” said Asha.
“Well, let’s go ask the Captain where on this ship he is and maybe Scotty can beam us back to Angels house.” said Asa as the five climbed up the stairs and made their way back to the command deck. There they found an obviously angry Commander Smithson talking to an equally angry human on a television screen.
“You are trying to tell me that five birds have somehow stowed away on a space shuttle?” the face on the screen said with sarcasm dripping from his voice.
“That is exactly what I am saying sir,” said the commander. “What should I do about this?”
Ignoring the commander’s question the human on the screen continued his rant “And not only are they birds they are talking birds who think you are Captain Kirk from Star Trek?”
“That is true, sir,” Smithson said in a quiet voice. “Again, what should I do about this?”
“I would suggest you quit smoking whatever it is you have been smoking and call me back when you sober up,” shouted the human in the screen. “Either that or declare yourself unfit for service and put Simmons on!”
“Simmons, will you please tell the General about the birds,” Smithson said with a sigh as he turned his face from the General on the screen to the astronaut on his right.
“No need to go to the trouble” Asha said as she glided to the front of the cabin. “Hey General, what is the title of this episode and where the heck is Scotty? Maybe he can just beam us back to Angels house with the teleporter. If it’s not too much trouble.” Asha added quickly.
The human in the viewscreen looked at Asha as if she were a snake that had just jumped out of his breakfast cereal. He tried to speak a couple of times but was unable to. He looked offscreen and said “Will the rest of you take a look at this and please tell me I am crazy and the shuttle is not infested with talking birds?”
“What is the big deal?” asked Cecil. “You all act like you’ve never heard of talking parrots before. Where are all the cameras? We want to look good for the close-ups.”
“How in heaven’s name did you all get on my shuttle?” the general shouted.
“We walked in the door,” said Angel. “It wasn’t that hard. Were we not supposed to do that? We’re sorry if we’ve caused a problem.”
“Well, I’m going to cause a problem if I don’t get something good to eat and soon!” said Cecil who could contain himself no longer.
“Commander, would you please remove those creatures from the command deck while I go and talk to the President,” the General said. “And while you are at it, why don’t you find your guests something to eat?”
Commander Smithson herded the birds back down to the galley where they found the cases of empty food tubes exactly where the five had left them and still empty. The Commander made it clear that all the food they had was in those tubes. He made the birds promise not to leave the room until he returned and went back up the ladder to face the wrath of the General.
“This is awful,” said Cecil. “I want to go back to Angel’s where we can get some good food.”
“I agree,” said Angel. “Where is that door we came in through?”
The birds climbed back up the ladder and found the entry door but discovered it was securely locked.
“Well, Convicts Chick, do your magic,” said Cecil with a gentlemanly bow.
Despite her best efforts, Asa was unable to get the door to open. “It looks like we are stuck here,” she finally said slightly breathless. “I guess we’ve got to wait until they finish filming this episode before we can go home.”
“What a vacation!” said Cecil sarcastically as he tossed his head back and flapped his wings ever so slightly.
The five decided to wander onto the command deck yet again and see what was happening with the show. They saw that Commander Smithson was again in a discussion with the General.
“The President has agreed that it would be best for us to keep this bird incident as quiet as possible,” said the General. “Lock those creatures somewhere that they won’t cause any trouble and get on with the mission. That telescope has to be repaired or NASA will be in for a public relations disaster that will probably affect our funding. Do I make myself quite clear?”
“Quite,” the Commander said. “Quite. OK, Simmons you have shown yourself totally unable to control those birds why don’t you give it a try Sanchez. Pack them into a storage chute and lock it tight. I don’t want to see or hear anything from them until we are back at Kennedy.”
The third human on the control deck stood up and made his way towards the birds.
“Do we fight or do we give in?” asked Angel.
“Let’s go along with them for now,” said Asha. “If we have to, Asa can get us out.”
The five birds meekly went along with Sanchez who placed them back into the storage chute they had endured during liftoff. They settled in for a long wait and spent the time playing games and napping. Angel got to know the other birds better and they came to enjoy the company of the Grey. After what seemed like an eternity, Asha suggested that Asa give the door lock a try. It didn’t take the well-named Convicts Chick very long to open the door. The five quietly exited and headed for the command deck to see what was going on. Once again, they found the Commander in a discussion with the General.
“We’ve taken four space walks General and it all comes down to one fact,” the Commander began. “The tool that we needed to fix the telescope was broken by accident. It is required for the very exacting work we have to do to make the repairs and without it we cannot do the job. Nothing else is small enough to get into the guts of the telescope. I’m sorry, but we can’t do a thing.”
“Don’t give up so easily Captain,” said Asha as she rushed to the front of the room. “We can’t let those dirty Klingons win that easily! I’ve got just what you need to do the job.”
“What the heck is that crazy bird talking about?” roared the General.
“I thought I told you to lock them away!’ roared the Commander to Sanchez.
“And I thought you were a hero Captain!” roared Asha three octaves higher than any of the three humans. “I guess I was wrong. Maybe Picard was the better Captain!”
“Wait a second!” shouted Sanchez. “I won’t sit here and let you say Picard was a better Captain than Kirk. That bald idiot was nothing more than a glorified diplomat.”
“Sanchez, have you lost your mind?” shouted the General.
“Wait a second,” said the Commander. “What did you mean when you said you have what we need to do the job?”
“Finally,” said Asha with a deep sigh and pity that humans had a tendency to be so slow at getting the point of things. “My friend Asa here is an expert at manipulating things in close quarters. All you have to do is fix her up a cockatiel-sized space suit, tell her what you need done and she’ll do the job.”
“You aren’t planning on listening to that idiot are you Commander?” asked the General.
“Right now, I’d listen to anybody,” said the Commander. “Sanchez, see about fitting this bird into a space suit and let’s get out there and finish this job.”
After some quick costume work and some instructions from the other astronauts, Asa went on the first-ever parrot space walk. The other birds watched on the monitor screen as she slipped into the innards of the telescope and easily made the necessary repairs.
“You know these new Hi-Def sets make it look almost real,” Asha said with amazement.
“You know what,” said BabyGirl. “I’m beginning to think it is real.”
“Are you trying to tell me you believe that we are really hundreds of miles above the Earth’s surface in a space craft while Asa is walking around in outer space repairing a million dollar telescope?”
“I guess you’re right,” said BabyGirl. “I just hope they tell us when this episode will air on tv.”
“Yeah, I want Mom to make a copy of it,” said Cecil, with a hint of pride in his voice.
The remainder of the mission went pretty smoothly after Asa completed the repairs. The shuttle returned to Earth uneventfully, stopping at the far end of the runway so the birds could be released away from the prying eyes of the press.
“I want to thank you for all you did for NASA and your country,” the President told the five birds after the landing. “I would appreciate it if you kept this entire incident a secret. But if you ever need anything, you can call on us.”
The five slipped out the door and flew back to Angel’s house where they dove into a huge meal of fresh vegetables and fruit. When they were finally finished they gathered in a nearby tree to discuss the previous few days.
“You know, they almost had me believing the whole thing was real,” said Asha. “But I knew it was television when I saw the guy they called the president. I swear he was the guy who played ‘Q’ in the Next Generation.”
“Well, real or not, it was fun!” said Asa.
Yeah, you got to keep that little space suit,” pouted Cecil. “You get all the good toys.”

Have Granola Bar Will Travel

Yesterday was the BIG day. The day the kids cages get scrubbed within an inch of their paint, the toys get cinched down to the bars, perches get anchored so they can't shift, seed catchers get removed, and cages get wheeled out of the room to be covered with tarps which are then secured in place with lots of bungee cords.

The kids? What about the kids! The poor little angels also get packed. But, obviously not in their big cages! They get uncerimoniously stuffed into their travel cages, where they'll live till we get to Washington. They have to make sure they can get around, are eating and drinking so as not to give me grey hair (or more grey hair as the case may be), and feel as comfortable as they can in such a small space.

Each has their own travel cage except Double Trouble. AsaMina and Worthington are sharing air space. They're still processing this concept. AsaMina whacked Worthington with her tail last night and startled him. Both have thier own seperate big cages and this is their first time sharing air space. It's been interesting: "Worthington Israel Wentworth!!!! LEAVE ASAMINA'S TAIL AHH-LONE!!!!" "ASAMINA SURA SARAH!!!! [she knows she's in trouble if 'Sarah', the English translation of her 'Sura', is tacked onto the end of her name] QUIT BREATHING ON YOUR BROTHER!!!!" And, thus far it's been over 24 hours they've been confined together. Hopefully it'll get smoother as they are stuck together till we get to Washington.

What about the granola bar? Well, that's a story and a half......

Four years ago, this June 1, we moved from New Hampshire to Arkansas. AsaMina shared air space with her biological little sister Precious (who we lost to an unbelievably massive egg July 2006) . As they've got now, back then they also had several perches with lots of toys all cinched down with zip ties to keep them from swinging around, and each got a special treat normally reserved for Christmas morning, a Sunseed parrot pine cone. A pine cone stuffed to the gills [I think pine cones have gills, don't they?] with special parrot seed, dried friuts and dried veggies. My kids just LOVE these pine cones and look forward to them every year. They were thrilled to get them for the car ride back in 2004, too.

Well, AsaMina, my 'perfectly normal' Grandbirdie, sat, yes SAT on her pine cone for 3 days and 1500 miles in the back seat of Hubby's bouncy Chevy Blazer. Yeah, everyones bottom but AsaMina's got sore from watching her sit on that pine cone the whole trip! Well, three times I did have to tell AsaMina, who'd finally given her bottom and feet a break and gotten off the pine cone, that it wasn't nice to sit on her little sister. AsaMina had apparently gotten either bored or uncomfortable with the pine cone and opted for a softer place to sit--her little sister. No Precious wasn't obliging, nor happy with her big sisters decision and swore at her, fortunately in cockatiel, not English.

So, here it is, May 11, 2008, and once again AsaMina finds herself packed into her travel cage, her entire room in boxes and elsewhere (their room is nearly empty at this point). She remembers the move from 4 years ago (no question about that), and since she's packed, the room is packed, she was ready to go.....

But Wait!

Where's my pine cone!!!!

...I don't put in the pine cones till just before we leave so they'll last the trip. So, AsaMina, my resident Einstein, opted for the next best thing, a birdie granola bar I'd just put in her and Worthington's cage. She climbed up on it, got comfortable, and glared at me, "Grandma, I'm ready. Let's go!"

And, for those who don't know the story:

Why I'm "Grandma" to AsaMina and "Mom" to the other 4 Muska-Tiels

Back in 2001, the last birthday gift my Grandparents G&G gave me was Rowena Rose, a beautiful month and a half old Lutino tiel. Rowena Rose was paired up with my Buddie Moose and the pair lived happily ever after......sort of. June 18, 2001 I lost April-Moana, R.B. Birds biological sister to age. I gave R.B. Bird a popcicle stick toy to keep him occupied and busy and hopefully not missing his sister too much. Well, Rowena Rose saw this toy from the cage she shared with Buddie next door and Just HAD to have it!!! She was about 8 months old at this point and female tiels don't mature till they're 2 years old [this part will make lots of sense in a moment]. Rowena Rose spent 2 months doing all she could to figure out how to get out of her cage and over to that toy. She had no interest in R.B. Bird and was happily bonded to Buddie. On a cold New Hampshire early November day, Rowena Rose figured it out. She popped the lock on her cage and tentitively, but excitedly let herself out. (I am watching all this oh-so intently, just in case she needed rescuing from herself). Rowena Rose crossed the three inch gap between her cage and R.B. Birds and let herself in, uninvited, into his cage. R.B. Birds door was open as long as I was home because he stayed put if I asked him to. I'm now on the edge of my seat, positive R.B. Bird wouldn't appreciate the Yellow Alien entering his cage. Rowena Rose went right to the irrisistable toy and for the very first time 'assumed the position' beneith it. Now, she was just 10 months old at this point and what she was doing honestly meant nothing more than "Hi, I'm Rowena Rose and I've been dying to meet you!" R.B. Bird, on the other hand, being exactly 10 years and 4 days older than Rowena Rose, knew exactly what she was doing and went after her. [barely on edge of seat now. More in 'mid-leap and rescue' pose] So, Rowena Rose 'got' the toy and R.B. Bird 'got' Rowena Rose. At two months shy of turning 11 years old, R.B. Bird couldn't produce babies. Rowena Rose wasn't old enough to produce babies. Thanksgiving day we had egg! Then, every other day till there was six of them! Well, no way are any of these gonna hatch, she's not old enough and he's too old....

Miracles do happen! Three days past her due date, on the third day of Hanukkah December 13, 2001 at precisely 5:43am AsaMina Sura popped out of her shell and goosed Rowena Rose in the bottom causing her to leap a good 60 feet in the air inside the tiny nest box. She didn't think the egg would hatch either.

Precious was egg number four. The rest of the eggs were sterile.

So, my Grandbirdies are the result of a jail break. Momma Bird, Rowena Rose, in an unrelated incident, was nicknamed Jail Bird due to her weird habit of running her beak back and forth across her cage bars like the prisoners do in the old movies with tin cups. A friend of mine, knowing AsaMina's story of being, nicknamed her The Convicts Chick. I think that makes me The Bird Lady of Arkansas....er....'Alcatraz'?

The Last Asha Chronicle- Part 14

Well, this is it, the last of the Asha Chronicles (at least for now). As the faithful readers may remember, Beavis, a very old Quaker parrot, ran away from home once before. He was depressed and saddened at not winning Bird of the Week. He assumed he had no friends and ran off to drown his sorrows on a serious Cheerio binge. He was found in a rehab facility run by the Bird Underground and convinced to come home. Well, after losing two more times to another bird for Bird of the Week, he ran away yet again. And, yet again, the Feathered Four went off to rescue him......


The Asha Chronicles Part 14
Yoda Beavis the Lost
by Timothy Graham and Julie Stilwell
March 4, 2008


“I can’t believe I’m here. King of all budgies. The one and only Sir Cecilot trapped like I just snarfed at Claussen and got locked up for a time out!” Cecil complained both melodramatically and a bit to loudly.
“Shhhhhhhhhh!” scolded Asha and BabyGirl at the same time. “You wanna get us caught and trapped in quarantine for the next six months?” Asa ended. “Be lucky that Granny still had Worthington’s travel condo from when his breeder shipped him to us and it still had all the stickers and papers on it for getting through customs.”
“Yeah, and be lucky it isn’t smaller!” Cecil complained again.
“I can’t believe we’re going to Scotland to bring Beavis home!” said Asha. “I wonder how Buddy did it?” she added as she thought of the African Grey from Wall, NJ who not only helped them catch the Yuppie Killer, but also helped them rescue Asa’s flockmate Ralph from the waiting room of the Rainbow Bridge. Buddy was a world traveler and had traveled everywhere, including and most recently the moon.
“There just wasn’t room in here for him to fit, too. We’re just lucky Cecil isn’t as big as his personality and especially that he’s not as big as that attitude and ego of his!” said BabyGirl and she tried to stretch her left foot, which had gone to sleep from being stuck in the same position for so long.
“Watch it, Orange-Wing!” Cecil threatened.
“Yeah, yeah, king of all budgies and so on!” BabyGirl rebuked back.
“Ok, come on; let’s keep a level set of head feathers here!” Asa said as she pulled her tail out from under Asha’s talon. “We need to quick complaining and be thankful for what we have, including each other. Then we need to remember we’re on this uncomfortable mission to rescue Beavis and talk some sense into his old head and get him to come home once and for all.” Asa scolded her Feathered Friends.
“Yeah, it’s just been nearly 12 hours in here and I guess the close quarters are just getting to all of us.” Asha apologized.
“Dolly’s great-Uncle Guido will be picking us up at the airport. Dolly and the Underground forged all the papers he’ll need to just take us to his home in Orkney without us getting stuck in customs and quarantine for the next six months. From what the European Underground has been saying, Beavis is currently living in a place called Skara Brae. I looked it up on Granny’s computer and it’s a human thing called a Neolithic settlement that was built in 3100- 2500 BC. It’s a very old place and there are ten homes there that we will have to search for Beavis.” Asa said as she went over the information she’d stored in the files of her little grey brain cells.
“How far is Skara Brae from Guido’s?” Asked BabyGirl.
“Not too far. Guido will take us there so we don’t have to search too long for it. Then, so we don’t spook Beavis, he’ll leave us to our job.” Asa answered.
“We might as well get some rest. Time will go faster if we sleep through this trip than if we continue arguing with one another.” Said Asha as she tucked her blue, yellow and green head under her wing and closed her eyes.
Her fellow Feathered Friends joined her. They all knew they’d need their rest for the mission that lay ahead.
The Feathered Friends slept so soundly that they didn’t notice the plane had landed until the Delta Pet Express guy jostled their carrier as he moved the crate with the Shih Tzu that sat belted beside them, “Got the four tweety birdies that Guido Guirino guy is picking up.”
“Yeah, take ‘em down to the ticket counter, the Guirino guy will be waiting to take them from you.” the other baggage handler instructed the first.
“What about the customs papers?” the first asked as he unbelted and lifted the carrier with the Feathered Friends in it.
“Guirino has them and they’re all in order, just take the tweety birdies to the ticket counter, direct. All livestock is under its own special section. They have to get to their new owner untraumatized or the airline will get sued.” the second baggage handler said as he carried the Shih Tzu, who was quiet due to being heavily tranquilized for the plane ride, out the hatch door of the climate controlled and pressurized section of the baggage compartment.
The first baggage handler carefully carried the Feathered Friends, who sat wedged side by side, like stuffed birds in the little carrier Asa’s Granny had given to them to get to Scotland in. It was a good 10 minute walk to the Delta ticket counter where Dolly’s great Uncle Guido was waiting for them. He greeted them warmly the moment the baggage handler and packed carrier came into view.
“Oh! My beauuuuuuutiful baby birrrrdie’s!!!!” Guido cooed quite loudly. “Oh, it eees to good to see you! Dolly ‘as told me so much about you I feel I’ve known you all me life! Wait till my Rose Mary sees you beauuuuuuuutiful babies!”
“I need to see your identification and the papers for all four of the tweety birdies.” said the baggage handler as he placed the full carrier down on the ticket counter.
“Not a problem. Ere they are Sir.” said Guido as he handed the stack of customs forms, health certificates, Asa’s micro chip information, and his personal identification to the baggage handler.
“Uncle Guido! Love you!” said Cecil, clear as a bell in English as he clung to the travel carriers door like one of those stuffed Garfields with the suction cup feet that so many Americans liked to display in their cars rear window.
“Ah, little Cecil! Eet must be nice being so small while stuck in such a full carrier, eh?” Guido said sweetly to the only male member of the Feathered Friends.
“Love you!” Cecil warbled again in English.
“Beep!” chimed in Asa, understanding that Cecil was trying to help get them through customs by showing the baggage guy that they knew Guido and he was not some evil bird napper.
“Tickle Tickle. Antidisestablishmentarianism.” said Asha, the Diva of the Feathered Friends, not to be out done.
“Kissy Kissy Uncle Guido.” said BabyGirl.
“Ah, my tweety babies! Uncle Guido loves you too! And Asha, such a long and impressive word!” Guido cooed as he tried to stick a chubby index finger through the carriers door to lovingly skritch Cecil’s head.
Asha considered puffing up at the compliment Uncle Guido had just paid her, but she realized there just wasn’t room in the carrier for such displays of emotion.
“Well, all is in order and the tweety birdies are not only yours, but obviously happy to see you, too. You’re clear to go Mr. Guirino.” The baggage handler smiled as he stamped and handed Guido back a slightly smaller stack of papers.
Uncle Guido carried the carrier snuggly in both of his arms and nestled next to his barrel of a chest to his aging Citron waiting for them out in the parking lot with Rose Mary, his wife.
“Rosie, here are our nieces and nephew.” Guido said with obvious pride in his voice as he handed the packed carrier to his plump wife before getting into the Citron, starting the motor and heading for home.
“Such beautiful babies.” Rosie cooed to the Feathered Friends as they drove out of the airport parking lot.
After a good two hour drive, they arrived at Orkney on the west coast of the mainland of Scotland. Rose Mary lovingly and tenderly carried the carrier into her and Guido’s little stone house, closed and bolted the front door, and opened the carrier. While the Feathered Four buzzed around the main room for a good five minutes, stretching their very stiff wings, Rose Mary set to work preparing feast of noodles and tomato gravy, fresh veggies, fresh fruits and a dish of multi flavored nutriberries Dolly, Asha’s Dad, Cecil’s Mom, BabyGirls Mom and Asa’s Granny had all shipped directly to Guido and Rose Mary in advance, along with a huge tub of Stitches Spicy Popcorn. Well exercised and nearly over fed the Feathered Friends took up residence on various parts of Guido and Rose Mary’s bodies and settled down for a good nights rest.
The next morning Guido took the Feathered Friends to the Skara Brae Settlement and left them there, alone, to search for Beavis, after of course, lavishing skritches and kisses on each one for good luck.
“Well, guess we start here and then work our way through each house till we find Beavis.” BabyGirl began.
“Probably the smartest thing to do so we don’t miss the little guy. Beavis is not a whole lot bigger than Cecil and those green feathers of his will blend nicely with all the moss.” said Asa as she waddled forward toward the door of the first decaying stone house.
The Feathered Friends wandered from dark decaying cold room to dark decaying cold room and found nothing but bugs, moss and a lot of dirt. The second of the ten houses in the settlement was the same as the first, nothing but dirt and bugs.
“I sure hope these homes don’t have secret tunnels or anything.” said BabyGirl with a shiver. “All this dirt is wreaking havoc on my feathers! Bud won’t even recognize me when I get home!”
“Your feathers! Mine aren’t even green anymore! I’m nearly the same color as Asa is!” Asha, the resident Diva, complained lightly.
“And, what is wrong with brown feathers?” asked Asa, knowing her best friend had nothing against brown feathers, if they were naturally that color.
“Diva’s and dirt just don’t mix!” Asha explained as she puffed and fluffed a bit of the dirt loose, exposing three green feathers.
“Wait….” began Cecil in a hushed tone. “I feel something….er, maybe someone?”
Asa, Asha and BabyGirl each stopped dead in their tracks and listened.
“Yeah, someone or something is in here with us.” said Asa.
“Sorry, spectral birds we know from the Rainbow Bridge is one thing, but I don’t do ghosts! Especially old ones from a million years ago!” BabyGirl said in a hoarse whisper.
“Baaaaaaaaaaa.” came a disembodied voice before Asha could put in her two cents worth. “Baaaaaaaaaaaa.” it said again.
“A sheep?!” asked Asa to no bird in particular.
“Aye Missy, I am Meghan. My flock and I live here and you’re trespassing on our land.” the disembodied voice explained.
“Please accept our apologies for trespassing. We didn’t know these homes were still occupied. We’re just here to bring a friend of ours home, Yoda Beavis….” Cecil began before the disembodied voice of the sheep named Meghan interrupted him.
“Aye, I know the one you speak of, baaaaaaaa. He is in the fifth house, the one owned by Ailis and Fiona, the spinster twins, baaaaaaaaa.” said the disembodied voice of Meghan the sheep.
“Ghosts?” asked BabyGirl simply.
“We lived long ago, Green One, we baaaaaaaaaa, are all ghosts. Baaaaaaaaa. Beware the twins, aye, they do not like visitors nor do they baaaaaaaaaa like trespassers. Keep your wits about you and be prepared to answer baaaaaaaa their riddle to reclaim your friend, baaaaaaaaaa.” Meghans disembodied voice ended and the icy chill she’d brought with her disappeared.
“If this was anyone but Beavis I’d be outa here!” said BabyGirl.
“That Quaker is in more of a pickle than my brother Claussen!” Cecil said as he waddled toward the front door of the house and into the fresh sea air.
“I think I’m going to have to Ninja some sense into that guy!” said Asha as she picked up a small rock with her talon and tossed it a couple of inches in front of her.
“Yeah, then after all that knocking sense into him, we need to refill his head with how much he’s hurting his family and friends by disappearing like this again.” Asa said emphatically.
The Feathered Friends waddled for about five minutes as they made their way slowly and cautiously across what passed for the town square of the Neolithic settlement Skara Brae and down a small side street to the fifth house. At the threshold of the nonexistent front door, the Four paused as they felt the icy presence of the twins Ailis and Fiona, but saw nothing.
“May we help you?” came a disembodied voice from somewhere just the other side of the nonexistent doors threshold.
“We’ve come to take Beavis home.” said Cecil bravely.
“Beavis? You want the little one called Beavis?” a different ghostly voice asked with a hideously happy chuckle.
“Yes, we’ve come for Beavis. Now, please let us enter so we can take him home.” Cecil bravely added as he stood up as tall as his tiny 41 gram body would let him.
“Never!” screeched the first voice.
“He’s our supper!” screeched the second voice.
“Ok,” began Asha “You let us have Beavis or I’m going to Ninja me some ghost!” Asha said as she stepped forward one step so she was side by side with the little budgie that saw himself as bigger and stronger than Hercules.
Both ethereal voices laughed with delight at the thought of more for supper that night before one of them added, “Please, come on in.”
Cecil, without a second thought, stepped over the threshold and into the lair of the ghostly spinster twins. The other three followed Cecil without hesitation. Inside the dark dank main room to the fifth house, the home of Ailis and Fiona for many, many centuries, the Feathered Friends stood tall, brave, and very close together. They still could not see their ghostly hosts, but they could feel their icy presence.
“Where is Yoda Beavis!” Cecil demanded in his biggest and most intimidating voice to the invisible twins.
“You really think you have any power over us?!” came the disembodied voice of Ailis.
“Yes we do!” chimed all four of the Feathered Friends at once.
“Aye, these are very stupid little feathered ones, huh Fiona?” Ailis said impishly.
“Aye sister, very stupid.” Fiona wickedly answered.
“Listen, just let us have Beavis and we’ll be gone, ok?” Asa tried to reason to no avail.
“To heck with this, “said Asha as she began to waddle toward the only other visible room from the main room.
“STOP!!!” bellowed the twins simultaneously.
“No, we’re going to find Beavis.” Said Cecil as he and Asa followed Asha toward the other room.
“I’ve got your friend!” said Fiona as she clamped icy invisible fingers around BabyGirls’s body.
“Oh no you don’t!” shouted Cecil as he suddenly became airborne and began buzzing around the room doing is best to dive bomb and bite the invisible twins.
“No one messes with my family!” Asha and Asa, so different in appearance, but so like minded in thought, said at the same time as they also took flight and began dive bombing the icy air.
“I got one!” warbled Cecil as he felt his body go in and then out of an icy cold spot in the room. “One of them is about 5 feet tall over where BabyGirl is frozen!”
“Found the other!” shouted Asha as she went though the second icy cold spot in the room.
“Take that!!!” shouted Asa as she did a loop-dee-loop through both twins phantom forms.
“Stop!! Stop!!! That HURTS!” cried Fiona as she let go of BabyGirl to swat uselessly at Asa, Asha and Cecil.
“Where’s BEAVIS!” cried Cecil as he buzzed through Fiona’s invisible form.
“Ok, ok!! Aye, stop flying through us and we’ll tell you.” Fiona and Ailis cried at the same time.
Reluctantly the threesome landed on the floor, Cecil automatically trying to preen BabyGirls feathers strait for her. She was fine, a bit shaken, but fine.
“Thank you Cecil.” BabyGirl said sweetly and she kissed the top of the little blue budgies white head in gratitude for his heroics.
“We’ll tell you, but you must answer our riddle first!” said Fiona.
“That wasn’t the deal!” said Asha as she readied for flight and buzzing the twins again.
“Aye, you figure the riddle, you’ll find your friend.” Ailis said, all fight and fright gone out of her disembodied voice.
“All right, give us the riddle. I’ve had six years with Granny and her weird puzzles, this shouldn’t be too hard.” Asa said confidently.
“Aye, brave little soul you have.” Fiona said to Asa and then added, “The sad little lost soul you seek be morose where the whiskey flows free from the fruits of the earth. Moss and slime he do amass to life, he soon be no more.”
Cecil whistled softly, “Asa, are you sure you can do it?”
“I just have to think like Granny.” Asa said as she began to immerse herself in thought.
“Fruits of the earth could be a garden?” Asha offered.
“Whiskey is kept in a liquor cabinet.” BabyGirl offered.
“Aye, the little ones will be our supper before long!” Ailis whispered to her sister.
“We need to find a root cellar, a door that leads to the basement of this place.” Asa suddenly said, then explained triumphantly “Way back when they didn’t have electricity they kept food in clay pots and stuff underground to keep them cool and fresh. Beavis must be trapped in underground where they used to store whiskey and canned foods.”
“Like in that shed behind the Byron Depot?” asked Asha.
“Yeah, just like that.” said Asa as Fiona began to reach her invisible hand toward her to kill her for her supper, but, remembering the long since forgotten sensation of the pain the Feathered Friends flying though created, she withdrew.
The Feathered Friends began waddling toward the fireplace where a ghostly rug lay. In books, the trap door was always hidden under a rug. Asha and BabyGirl reached for one of the rugs corners, but grabbed nothing but air.
“Ghost rug?” said Cecil in astonishment.
“Apparently.” answered Asa.
“Look, it’s disappearing!” said BabyGirl.
“And, there is the door!” said Asha happily.
“Let me at it!” said Asa as she stepped forward and began shredding and splintering the rotted wood creating a hole more than large enough for a small dog to crawl through with room to spare.
Fiona and Ailis, realizing they’d been beaten, and fearing the Feathered Friends, disappeared taking the icy chill of the room with them. The Feathered Friends flew through the opening and, with just the light from the dimly lit main room above them pouring in, they alighted on the back of an old chair and listened to the stale air as their eyes adjusted to the darkness.
“I hear him breathing.” whispered Cecil.
“Yeah, over in that corner.” Asha said as she pointed a talon to an area just in front of her.
“Beavis?” asked Asa, hoping dearly it was him and not another ghost looking for dinner.
“How did you find me?” Beavis asked in a weak voice.
“Your friends and the Bird Underground.” Cecil explained.
“I don’t ever want to go home again!” Beavis whispered plaintively.
“Why not?” asked Asha as the four made their way over to the weak little green feathered body perched on an empty whiskey bottle that was nearly fossilized into the stone floor.
“No one likes me. I have no friends. No one will vote for me to be Bird of the Week and I just don’t want to be where I’m not wanted.” Beavis whispered sadly.
“You know Beavis, for such a wise old bird, you’re really dumb!” said Cecil.
“I just don’t get it!” Asa said as she tossed her wings up in the air. “What on earth is such a big deal about Bird of the Week?! I have been a member of Bird Channel for 1 year, 3 months and 21 days according to BC’s records. I am the 357 member of BC and only had 336 of the 4172 friends who’ve visited my page vote for me. But, I have more friends than my Granny could imagine with her over active imagination! Beavis, you’re the 7178 member of BC and in the 1 month and 21 days you’ve been on BC you’ve had 4027 friends visit and place 717 votes! In a MONTH!!!” Asa exclaimed, completely exasperated at the whole Bird of the Week competition.
“Yeah, and when a zillion years pass and BC is no more you’ll have something so much better than all those who think Bird of the Week is a good thing. You’ll be in my memoirs! My Dad and Asa’s Granny are writing the story of our adventures together and you’re part of those stories.” said Asha, equally as exasperated with Beavis’ running away.
“Long after BC is gone, books will remain. Just look at the bible.” Cecil added. “And Shakespeare! Asha’s memoirs and our adventures will become legend and with you in the stories, so will you!”
“Yeah, and you’re old enough to be entered into the Guinness Book of World Records! None of the other birds on BC are old enough for that honor! When you get in that book you get on TV specials, you’ll be famous! You’ll get your talon prints in the Gorman’s Chinese Theater! You’ll get your own memoirs written and published. Good grief, you’ll be so famous you’ll forget BC even exists!” BabyGirl added in her normally enthusiastic tone.
“And, then there is your Mom and flock.” Cecil added somberly. “You have no idea how much they love and miss you. It was them AND your BC friends flockilies that paid for our plane fair to Scotland to come and bring you home. You have no idea how loved and special you are.” Cecil ended very sincerely.
“They really love me that much?” Beavis added in disbelief.
“Yes, you stupid wise bird!” Asha said lovingly.
“What about Fiona and Ailis, they won’t let us leave.” Beavis said, still weakly, but with a smidge more strength that he had before due to the pep talk from his friends.
“Cecil took care of them.” Asa smiled as Cecil fluffed a bit with pride at Asa’s compliment.
With a deep sigh, Beavis slid off the nearly fossilized whiskey bottle and slowly followed the Feathered Friends out of the root cellar and out of the haunted Neolithic settlement into a field of lush green grass to check Beavis over and make sure he’d make it to Uncle Guido and Aunt Rose Mary’s home.
Beavis, although, quite weak due to lack of food, water and sun light, never mind the icy chill he’d been living in for who knows how long, he made it to Uncle Guido’s where Aunt Rose Mary had a feast fit for the entire BC flock AND their flockilies laid out on the table for them. Beavis didn’t hesitate, he dove right in and ate all his little green Quaker body could hold, then he added in a bit more for good measure. Full to the eyeballs, he curled up on the nape of his new Aunt Rose Mary neck and fell into the sweetest sleep he’d had in a long time.
The next morning, after another filling feast for breakfast Guido made a startling announcement, “Little ones, I have a big surprise for you!”
“Tickle Tickle?” said Asha unnecessarily. Guido, being a member of the Underground, knew the birds could talk, but he obliged Asha with a ‘tickle tickle’ on the back of her neck, to which she responded by nearly melting into a puddle of happy feathers.
“Sean Connery,“ Guido continued as he continued to give Asha skritches with one hand and Asa with the other. “is here, in Orkney leading a tour through the ruins you just rescued Beavis from. Eee is one of the main members of Friends of Scotland who helps to raise money and awareness in the interest, history and traditions of Scottish culture. Eees wife, Micheline is also here. She ees a friend of my Rosie’s,” Guido explained to the Feathered Friends and Beavis as his wife skritched Beavis and Cecil into their own little puddle of happy feathers. BabyGirl opted out of the love fest to try and remove the rest of the dirt from her lush emerald green feathers. Guido continued, “and she and Sean agreed to take you on their private jet back to the states and to your families.”
“No being squished by large green bodies?” queried Cecil.
“Hey! Who you calling large!?!” Asha and BabyGirl demanded at the same time.
“No one.” Cecil quickly added innocently.
“I hope not.” said Asha deviously.
“No, no tiny little travel condo, eee-sept to get you through customs and onto the plane.” Rose Mary chimed in.
The very next day Sean Connery and his wife Micheline picked up the Feathered Four and Beavis all crammed into the tiny travel condo from their Uncle Guido and Aunt Rose Mary and took them to their private jet at the Islay Airport and then home.
During the trip Connery seemed a little uncomfortable in the company of five parrots until Asha piped up: ”You know, my Dad says that all the other Bonds were a bunch of crap!” Things went very smoothly after that. The jet dropped the birds off at Dulles Airport in Washington D.C., just a short flight from Beavis’ home in Virginia Beach.
“That Sean Connery is sure a nice guy,” said BabyGirl.
“Yeah, Dad is going to love the autographed Walther he said he would FedEx us,” said Asha.
“Why the long face Beavis?” asked Asa.
“I feel really stupid,” the elderly Quaker said with a sigh. “You would have thought I had learned my lesson when you all went all the way to Las Vegas to rescue me the last time. But no! I let it all get to me again and this time I ran all the way to Europe. Mom will never let me come home this time.”
“We’ll just wait and see about that,” said Asha.
The five parrots flew silently to Virginia Beach and perched on a tree branch of the tree in Beavis’ front yard as Beavis waddled up to the front door and rang the bell.
The door was quickly thrown open by a woman who had obviously been crying. “Beavis! You’re back!” she shouted as she scooped up the small bird and began to do what Asa called a ‘happy dance’. “Inca and the rest of the flock have missed you so badly.”
“But what about you, mom, have you missed me?” Beavis said in a low voice. “I’ve been very stupid and caused you a lot of trouble. If you want me to stay gone I guess I could find somewhere else to stay.”
“Don’t be even more stupid!” she said. “You know I love you. You know how many times your loving face has carried me through hard times. Why just last year when Joe the Sparrow died, it was your cheerful voice that carried me through. Just promise me you’ll stay for good this time. Besides, I don’t know how many years The Great Spirit will allow you to remain here with me. I want to spend every minute I can with you.”
“I promise I won’t leave again,” Beavis said. “I really do.”
Beavis’ mom looked out into the yard and said: “I know you are out there somewhere you crazy birds! Come on down here and show your faces!”
The Feathered Four fluttered down and gathered in a semi-circle around Beavis and his Mom.
“These four have been to the ends of the Earth just for you,” she said. “With friends like this you are Bird of the Century!”
“Hey, how many points do you get for that?” asked BabyGirl innocently.
“Way to kill the mood bird brain,” Asha said as she slapped BabyGirl on the side of her head with her wing.
“Come on in you all,” said Beavis’ mom with a laugh. “I think I can whip up a batch of Spicy Pop Corn in no time!”
“For that, I’ll definitely stay home!” said Beavis as they all laughed and gathered in a group hug.

The Asha Chronicles Part 11

Ah the age old 'sports hero' delema. Steriods and lifestyles we really don't want to hear about as we, as humans in general, like to put our hero's up on a pedistal and think they can do no wrong.

Read on to find out how 2 Amazons, 1 Cockatiel, and 1 Budgie, other wise known as The Feathered Friends, deal with this particular issue.....

The Asha Chronicles Part 11
Feet of Clay
February 26, 2008
Julie Stilwell and Timothy Graham

Asha was spending the day doing her favorite thing: napping in the fresh air.
Her Dad had rolled her cage out to their screen porch a couple of hours before and since then she had had been sitting on one of her many perches slipping into and out of sleep. There is one no-fault way you can tell if a parrot is feeling safe and secure: if they stand on their perch on one foot with the other tucked under a wing. Asha was definitely sitting on one leg.
There was only one tiny dark cloud barely on the horizon of her thoughts. Her Daddy’s birthday was coming up and she wanted to get just the PERFECT gift for him. She had racked her brain but couldn’t think of just the right thing. She had tried asking her Momma but she didn’t understand Parrot language and Asha couldn’t talk human to her. Some parrots could communicate with humans in special circumstances, but Asha and her Momma did not click. Anyway, Asha was slightly jealous of her Daddy’s wife, although she would never admit it.
She peeked through the French Doors into her Daddy’s bedroom where he was watching a baseball game on his 50-inch Hi-Def television. Asha knew it had been a gift to him from his wife and that was a spur for her to try to get him something even better!
Asha was able to figure out that his Braves were two runs down in the bottom of the ninth. There were two runners on base and two outs. His favorite player Johnny Flynn was coming to the plate.
“You can do it Johnny,“ her Daddy hollered. “Show those stupid Mets who’s boss!”
Suddenly Asha heard a loud crack and her Daddy jumped into the air and started doing a crazy dance.
“I knew it” he shouted. “We’re in like Flynn! Braves in first place!” He whooped a couple of more times before collapsing back into his chair.
All of a sudden a light went on inside Asha’s green, yellow, and blue feathered head.
“Humans like mementos of their sports heroes,” Asha said to herself. “If I can get Dad something to remind him of this Johnny Flynn guy, he would really appreciate it. That would really show Momma who is the Top Bird around this house!”
Asha waddled to the family computer while her Dad was still doing war dances and watching replays of his hero’s home run. Asha contacted the other three members of the Feathered Friends and asked them to meet her outside Turner Field in Atlanta at the statue of Hank Aaron.
The next morning Asha found herself perched lightly on the bat of Hammerin’ Hank while she waited for her friends to show up. Before long a small, blue Budgie flew up and took his place on the bill of Aaron’s cap.
“How’s it going Cecil,” Asha asked. “Nice day for a ball game isn’t it?”
“I guess so, but I’m more of a football fan. I always thought that if I had been born a human I would be a big defensive lineman,” Cecil said. The words would almost have been hysterically funny since they came from a bird who barely weighed 41 grams. But Cecil had the spirit of a giant and Asha could well imagine him sacking a quarterback.
Next to arrive was BabyGirl. She was an Amazon like Asha and she took station in Hank’s shoulder as she began preening her feathers.
“This is such a dirty city,” BabyGirl complained. “My boyfriend Ben would turn his beak up at me if he saw how filthy I was!”
The final member of the group to make an appearance was a cockatiel named Asa. Asa was a legendary escape artist who could chew her way through concrete. When she took her place beside Asha on Aaron’s bat she stopped her beak a couple of times on the statue and glared at Asha.
“What is this thing made of?” she asked. “I don’t like perching on things I can’t chew through if need be.”
“I think it is something called bronze,” said Asha. “But that is hardly what is at issue here.”
Asha quickly told her friends what her goal was and they agreed to be of any assistance possible, with one caveat.
“Before we do anything I want something to eat,” said Cecil. “What do they have to eat around here?”
“When at the ballpark, you eat hot dogs,” said Asha and the four took wing and headed for the nearest hot dog vendor.
“OK,” said Cecil. “Why don’t we let BabyGirl distract the vendor while the rest of us grab some dogs?”
“I hate to be a wet blanket, but I don’t eat hot dogs. I’m vegan,” said Asa. “Do you think they might have a tofu dog?”
“I think tofu is illegal in the South,” said BabyGirl.
“Don’t worry Miss Fussy, we’ll get you some popcorn,” hissed Asha.
“What about buns and chili?” wailed Cecil. “You can’t eat hot dogs without chili!”
“Only if you want to be as fat as a housecat,” said Asha as Baby Girl took off to provide a distraction. She perched on top of the food cart and, just as the vendor was adding relish to a customer’s wiener, dropped a nice ball of poop onto the dog.
But the customer and the vendor looked around in shock and finally settled their sights on the offending parrot.
“What the heck is going on here!” shouted the customer. “Can’t you keep these damn pigeons from pooping on the food?”
BabyGirl noticed that the customer had taken out his wallet in order to pay for his hot dog, so she swooped down and grabbed the wallet from his hand and flew over to an adjacent popcorn stand.
“Come and Get me!” the parrot shouted as the customer and the hot dog vendor ran in her direction. At that moment the other three parrots landed on the hot dog cart and grabbed a wiener in each claw and quickly took off to return to their perch on top of Hank’s statue. BabyGirl saw that the thievery had been successful, so she dropped the wallet, grabbed some popcorn for Asa, and followed the others.
“That was fun,” Cecil said between bites of his hot dog. “I think stolen food tastes better than any other kind of food, especially when you steal it from humans!”
“Cecil, I’m afraid that our adventures have permanently corrupted you,” laughed Asha as she daintily took bites from her meal. She would take a bite from one end of the wiener, rotate it with her talons, then take a bite from the other end.
“Yum, yum!” she said. “If only they made Cheetos this large!”
The four finished their meal and then cleaned each other’s feathers of any leftover hot dog or popcorn. When done with that Asa asked the question they all had on their mind.
“Well, just how are we going to get this guy to give us anything?” she asked. “And what do we get? I don’t see us hauling a baseball bat all the way back to Byron, no matter how strong Cecil thinks he is.”
“What I was thinking we might do is try to catch him after the game when he is alone and have Cecil tell him what we want. Then he might agree to come down and give Dad some stuff in person,” Asha said. Among the Four, Cecil was the best at communicating with humans in their own language.
“That does have the benefit of being a plan,” said Asa. “Not a good plan, I guess it is a plan. What do we do in the meantime?”
“I guess we watch the ballgame,” Asha said and the four took wing and perched on top of one of the light towers in right field. They finished eating their hot dogs and popcorn as the crowd finished taking their seats and the game got underway. Flynn had three hits and saved the home team’s win jumping high over the right field fence to rob the visitors of a home run. The crowd began leaving the stadium with smiles on their faces as the Four began looking for a way to get into the Braves’ locker room.
They flew down to the Braves’ dugout and saw a large hamper filled with dirty towels and uniforms. They dove into the hamper and dug themselves a cozy cave under the dirty laundry.
“We better get something good out of this,” whispered BabyGirl. “This stinks!”
A young man soon came up and began wheeling the hamper into the depths of the stadium. He pushed the hamper into the Braves’ locker room where it soon became full to overflowing with sweaty-stained jerseys and uniform pants.
After a while Cecil stuck his head out of the pile of dirty laundry and scoped out the situation. He ducked back under cover and reported to the others.
“That Flynn guy just got through talking to some guys with notebooks and cameras,” Cecil said. “They’re getting ready to leave.”
All four of the Friends poked their heads up just in time to see Flynn head through a door with ‘Training Room” written on it. The rest of the locker room was empty so they flew over to the door and looked inside. Asa noticed a window on the wall nearest to where the birds were standing so they flew up to stand on the ledge so they would have a quick escape route in case they needed it.
Flynn was sitting in what the humans called a whirlpool bath and seemed almost asleep.”
“Hey, Cecil,” Asha whispered. “This might be the chance we were looking for.”
Cecil was about to fly down to speak to Flynn when another human suddenly entered the room. Flynn looked up and gestured for the other man to come over to where he was.
“It’s about time you got here Oscar,” Flynn said. “I’m past due for my next shot.”
“Yeah,” said Oscar. “I noticed that that last home run of yours barely left the park. That would have been an out if it wasn’t for a friendly wind.”
“So quit talking and give me the juice before somebody else comes in,” Flynn said as he got out of the whirlpool. Oscar gave the player an injection in his buttocks.
“What do you want me to do about those Macaws you wanted ready for the Bird Show,” asked Oscar. “They still aren’t as big as you wanted them to be.”
“Did you give them the steroids like I told you to?” asked Flynn.
“Of course I did, but they didn’t react well to them so I cut the dosage. I was afraid some of them night die,” said Oscar.
“Idiot!” said Flynn. “We have a dozen of the damn things and all we need to win is one. Double the dosage! I want the Blue Ribbon this year!”
“You’re the boss,” Oscar said as he hurried from the room.
Flynn laughed to himself as he rubbed the injection site.
“And those stupid fans think it is only idiots like Bonds and Clemens on the juice,” he said to himself. “I go them and that fool Vick beat.”
Asha turned to her friends and said quietly, “We need to get out of there fast.”
They flew back to the Aaron statue where Cecil asked, “What were they doing,” he asked. “Was the Flynn guy sick or something?”
“No,” said Asha. “He wasn’t sick. He was taking what the humans call steroids. It helps make them run faster and hit the ball further. They are illegal.”
“You mean your Dad’s hero is breaking the law so he can play better,” asked Asa.
“That’s exactly what I mean,” said Asha quietly.
“Your Dad won’t like it if he finds out about that, will he,” asked BabyGirl. “What are you going to do?”
Asha just looked at her, wiped a tear from her eye with a wing, and said, “I don’t know, I really don’t know.”
“But what was that about giving steroids to those Macaws,” asked Cecil. “Is that illegal too?
“Yes, it is,” said Asha. “This guy is as dirty as they come. I think we are going to need help to take him down. Let’s get back to my place and get in touch with the Underground.”
The four flew back to Byron in silence as each one thought over what they had just seen. It was bad enough for a human to take an illegal drug, but to give it to a helpless animal? They got angrier and angrier until, by the time they got to Asha’s home, they were all ready to sharpen their talons and go after Flynn.
“The first thing we need to do is contact the Underground,” said Asha. “Cecil, you get on my computer and spread the word.”
“Wait,” said Asa. “Didn’t those guys we met in California, Mark and Clyde, join the Underground?”
“Great idea!” said Asha. “Cecil, see if you can get in touch with them and see if they can come here and give us a hand.”
As it turned out, Mark and Clyde were available and agreed to get on the first airplane for Georgia. They met up with the Four Friends at Turner Field. It was decided that Mark and Clyde would follow Flynn to try and try to get some evidence to prove his drug usage. They were armed with a video camera and their reserve deputy badges. The Four Friends would wait until Oscar showed up again and follow him and find out where he was keeping the macaws.
The four parrots took shifts waiting for Oscar to come back to visit Flynn and he finally did three days later. When he got back into his Hummer the four were stashed in the back seat. The drive was about an hour as Oscar stopped the car and parked. Cecil stuck his head up and reported that they were parked outside a small house trailer and there was a barn nearby.
“The barn is probably where the macaws are,” said Asa. “Let’s fan out and approach it from all directions.”
Asha took the northeast quadrant and was able to find a seam between the wooden boards to see the interior of the barn. What she saw horrified her. There were almost thirty large cages, each of which contained a blue-and-gold macaw. The birds seemed to be well cared for but what made Asha stifle a gasp was Oscar reaching into one cage and pulling out the corpse of one of the macaws.
“Damn,” Oscar said. “I told that idiot Flynn that increasing the dosage would kill these birds. This is the fifth one this week to just drop dead. This just isn’t right.”
Asha quickly flew up to the top of the barn and squawked loudly in order to get the attention of her friends. They all few up to where she was.
“Look, I think we might be able to get this guy on our side,” said Asha. “He seems pretty disgusted with what he is having to do. Cecil, I think we’re going to need some of your communication skills.”
Asha outlined her plan and Cecil flew down and sneaked into the front door of the barn and took up a position behind where Oscar was working cleaning out the cage that had held the recently deceased bird.
“Why did you do that to me?” Cecil asked in his best imitation of a ghost.
“What was that?” Oscar shouted as he spun around too late to see Cecil who had hidden inside a ten-gallon feed container. Oscar looked around the barn but couldn’t see the source of the voice. He finally got back to work on the cage when Cecil stuck his head back up and said, “What have we ever done to you?”
Oscar again tried to find the source of the voice and failed. “This dirty job must be getting to me,” he said to himself. “Lord only knows why I agreed to do this. Getting Flynn his steroids is one thing, but this is totally different. I always loved animals.”
Oscar shook his head but went back to work on the cage. Cecil popped up behind him again and said: “Do the right thing. Help us to live.”
Oscar again spun around was too late to catch his tormentor.
“That is just about enough,” he shouted as he tore the gloves off his hands and threw them to the floor. “I don’t have to live this way, “he shouted as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a cell phone.
“Information,” he said. “I want the number for the Atlanta Parrot Rescue Society,”
Cecil flew back out the door and joined his friends on the roof of the barn. He was congratulated all around as the parrot heard Oscar give the rescue society the directions to the barn. They waited until two vans arrived and the rescue personnel began to carry the cages out of the door. Oscar had left by then, but not before they heard him make another call, this one to the Fulton County District Attorney’s office and asking to speak to the person in charge of steroid abuse cases.
The birds returned to the Aaron statue at Turner Field where they found a note from Mark and Clyde asking them to meet them at a motel out in the suburbs. When The Feathered Four got there they found their two human friends watching-what else-a Star Trek episode on their portable DVD player.
“I tell you Clyde,” Mark was saying as the birds walked through the partially open door. “That Kirk is as smooth as molasses. I’d like you to name just one woman who was on that show that Kirk didn’t put the moves on.”
“Spock’s mother,” Clyde said with a laugh.
“Well, aside from her,” Mark said just as he noticed the four parrots standing just inside the door.
“Hey there little buddies,” Clyde said. “How did things go with you?”
“Some of the macaws passed over the Rainbow Bridge before we could save them, but we were able to get the others to safety,” said Asa. “What about your job?”
“Let me show you,” Mark said as he turned off the DVD player and turned on the television set. “ESPN has been running it about every five minutes.”
When the set came on the birds saw a picture of Flynn sitting in a Jacuzzi with a couple of girls flanking him and a drink in one hand and what appeared to be a marijuana cigarette in the other. He was obviously under the influence of something as he bragged to the girls about taking steroids and other drugs and getting away with it by swapping someone else’s urine when he was required to take a drug test.
“How did you get this?” asked Asha.
“Well, those are our girlfriends, Suzie and Elaine,” said Clyde. “They just showed up at Flynn’s place with the camera in a gym bag and he did all the rest.”
The Four Friends thanked Mark and Clyde and began the short flight back to Byron. They exchanged hugs on the roof of Asha’s house and then the other three took off for their respective homes. Asha feared what she was about to face but knew what she had to do. She slipped onto the porch and through the French Doors into her Dad’s bedroom. He was sitting in his chair with his head in his hands while ESPN played the Flynn tape on his television.
Asha flew up to the back of the chair and gently started preening his hair as she softly cooed into his ear.
“Why did he do it?” her Dad said softly. “Why? I thought he was a hero. I’ll never be able to trust anyone like that again.”
Asha jumped down onto her Dad’s lap and started stroking his cheek with her wing as she continued cooing, wishing she could tell him the words that were in her heart. And, all of a sudden she knew that she could.
“You can trust me and all the others who truly love you,” Asha said. “Trust isn’t earned on the baseball field. It is earned here at home.”
The initial look of shock on her Dad’s face was replaced with one of joy and wonder.
“Truer words were never spoken,” he said as he hugged Asha to his chest. “How about I go make some of that spicy popcorn you love.”